1./ Sometimes the fear of a thing is worse than the reality. Sometimes, it’s okay to allow a person be afraid and to make a free choice based on their fear. In their own time, they may change their minds and come round to your way of thinking which may differ from theirs,

2./ or they may not. But that’s also fine.

My youngest child is spoiled and is the stereotypical last born who delights in getting her way. She’s also utterly adorable and her siblings often let her get away with murder. But they all acknowledge that she can be quite a handful.

3./ Yesterday, after a particularly rowdy session with her, my second daughter who’s 15 came to me and said, “Mummy, I don’t want to disappoint you, but I don’t think I want to have children.”

I laughed and asked “what has your sister done this time?”
She says to me;

4./ “Mummy, she hasn’t ‘done’ anything, but she just takes up so much energy. I don’t think I can handle having any of my own.”

I chuckled to myself but I also realized that she needed to hear a response from me about this. She was clearly ‘afraid’ of two things.

5./ 1. The commitment involved in parenting.
2. Disappointing me & ”my desire” for grandchildren.

The ensuing conversation was a reminder of things I already knew.

She goes on, ”I know you’ll be disappointed and upset because parents always want grand children and all that,

6./ but I’m not even sure I want to get married.“

I responded to her “Ok. You don’t need to get married either.”

She looked surprised. “Are you sure? I know all mothers want a wedding and grandchildren.”

This was pivotal. My answer at this point had to be “right.”

7./ I’m quite traditional in many ways and this often leads my children to assume that my hopes and dreams for them are the same as my traditional hopes and dreams for myself.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

8./ I’ve seen too many cases of broken relationships between parents and children simply because the parents sought to impose their will on those children. When things crystallize and produce a terrible outcome, in some cases the outcome may be as bad as drug addiction,

9./ suicide or murder the question becomes why didn’t you allow them the option of that difference of opinion which has turned out to be a lesser evil which may have avoided this terrible outcome?

Unfortunately it is often too late by that time.

10./ I said to her, I would like those things. But if you’re single, because you choose to be single, not because no one will have you even though you want to have someone, I’ll be okay.”

”If you marry someone, and you both decide you want to have only puppies and no children,

11./ if this is your choice, not that you want kids and cannot have them, I will be cool with your choice. That’s one less “omugwo” for me in my old age. Besides you don’t even know yet if you can have kids.”

She looked at me quizzically when I said that, then she nodded.

12./ “That’s true.” She said.

I went on to say to her, ”kids are a huge commitment. They will consume your time, your resources and your emotions. If you don’t want them, you may be shortchanging them and yourself by having kids.

13./ So please don’t have any if you’re not sure you want them.”

She looks at me suspiciously and says, “Hmmm. . . that’s a load off my back.”

I smiled and said “Don’t worry. You have a lot of time in which to decide.”

14./ I concluded by telling her that my major concern for my kids is that each one should be successful. By this I mean, be able to stand on your own feet financially, emotionally and otherwise. Be a decent person with values and principles.

15./ Finally, I would like each of you to be saved and to have a personal relationship with God according to my understanding of salvation the Christian way. Anything else is a bonus.

The End!

Parenting nor be beans! This mental gymnastics, somebody can lose weight from it!