Read on Twitter
MAMBO CHIRISAMHURU
He did the most unbelievable things in the history of Kings
He had two hearts, built a tower to the moon, killed his son because of a name, married his daughter to an enemy, insulted Mwali (god)
He just did the most nje
If ungovernable was a person
He did the most unbelievable things in the history of Kings
He had two hearts, built a tower to the moon, killed his son because of a name, married his daughter to an enemy, insulted Mwali (god)
He just did the most nje
If ungovernable was a person
He was the last King of the Rozvi Empire (Karanga). And as the last, he shut it down!
He went out in royal style!
He's by far my (2nd) favourite Rozvi King. Changamire Dombo is my first
Intros done, now let's focus on the:
DEEDS OF MAMBO CHIRISAMHURU by YVONNE MAPHOSA
He went out in royal style!
He's by far my (2nd) favourite Rozvi King. Changamire Dombo is my first
Intros done, now let's focus on the:
DEEDS OF MAMBO CHIRISAMHURU by YVONNE MAPHOSA
I mention Chirisamhuru/Tjilisamhulu a lot! I'm usually mad at him but there's no denying that he was a legend. He was a hero or villain, depending which side you're looking at it from
Some say the last King was TOHWECHIPI. Who knows? There are many sides to history
Let's go
Some say the last King was TOHWECHIPI. Who knows? There are many sides to history
Let's go
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
CHIRISAMHURU means "one who heards calves".
This can be taken to mean someone who pursues trivial matters, as does a child who keeps watch of the calves while older boys herd the cattle.
And boy oh boy! Don't people live up to their names?
CHIRISAMHURU means "one who heards calves".
This can be taken to mean someone who pursues trivial matters, as does a child who keeps watch of the calves while older boys herd the cattle.
And boy oh boy! Don't people live up to their names?
MURDER INC
He repeatedly tried to murder his friend/ally, the Kalanga King Tjibundule. Witchcraft, fake hunting sprees, ambushes, attacks etc
Before his reign, the Kalanga and the Rozvi were living peacefully. But Chirisamhuru wanted it all and he got it, by fire by force
He repeatedly tried to murder his friend/ally, the Kalanga King Tjibundule. Witchcraft, fake hunting sprees, ambushes, attacks etc
Before his reign, the Kalanga and the Rozvi were living peacefully. But Chirisamhuru wanted it all and he got it, by fire by force
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE
He had his daughter marry his enemy/friend Tjibundule, King of the neighbouring tribe (Kalanga) so she could get him a piece of his hair that had superpowers
He waited 2 years, 4 months! He got it, bewitched Tjibundule and took over the Kalanga Kingdom
He had his daughter marry his enemy/friend Tjibundule, King of the neighbouring tribe (Kalanga) so she could get him a piece of his hair that had superpowers
He waited 2 years, 4 months! He got it, bewitched Tjibundule and took over the Kalanga Kingdom
GODS AND MEN
He made a deal with Mwali (god) and Mwali gave him intel of where to raid cows
He sent his General Tumbale/Tumbare. The raid was successful.
Then he refused to share the cattle. He told Mwali to go and raid her own cows if she wanted some
[Brave or Stupid?]
![GODS AND MENHe made a deal with Mwali (god) and Mwali gave him intel of where to raid cowsHe sent his General Tumbale/Tumbare. The raid was successful.Then he refused to share the cattle. He told Mwali to go and raid her own cows if she wanted some [Brave or Stupid?]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EXnzBOOWAAcUDLv.jpg "GODS AND MENHe made a deal with Mwali (god) and Mwali gave him intel of where to raid cowsHe sent his General Tumbale/Tumbare. The raid was successful.Then he refused to share the cattle. He told Mwali to go and raid her own cows if she wanted some [Brave or Stupid?]")
He made a deal with Mwali (god) and Mwali gave him intel of where to raid cows
He sent his General Tumbale/Tumbare. The raid was successful.
Then he refused to share the cattle. He told Mwali to go and raid her own cows if she wanted some
[Brave or Stupid?]
Yes, Mwali was a woman [or a man with a soprano voice? 
]
Of course Mwali couldn't go and raid cattle!
Mwali was only a voice so how would a voice raid cows?
Anyway, the point is, Chirisamhuru refused and Mwali vowed to kill him [Chirisamhuru died many years later
]
]Of course Mwali couldn't go and raid cattle!
Mwali was only a voice so how would a voice raid cows?
Anyway, the point is, Chirisamhuru refused and Mwali vowed to kill him [Chirisamhuru died many years later
]
BURN IT TO THE GROUND!
When Mwali came to threaten Chirisamhuru, he wasn't threatened
He just burned down the structures Mwali’s voice was coming from
Even burnt down his royal bedroom and the Dale/Dare tree!
He stopped burning things when Mwali’s voice came from the air
When Mwali came to threaten Chirisamhuru, he wasn't threatened
He just burned down the structures Mwali’s voice was coming from
Even burnt down his royal bedroom and the Dale/Dare tree!
He stopped burning things when Mwali’s voice came from the air
I'M THE KING AND YOU ARE NOT!
After that successful raid, that one where he was supposed to give Mwali cows, remember it?
Yes. He fired his General Tumbale because people praised Tumbale for winning the battle and not him. Even though Tumbale had won the battle and not him!
After that successful raid, that one where he was supposed to give Mwali cows, remember it?
Yes. He fired his General Tumbale because people praised Tumbale for winning the battle and not him. Even though Tumbale had won the battle and not him!
THE PUNISHER!
He severely punished those that broke the law or were accused of breaking the law.
He had what some call cruel methods but I somehow think they were innovative
He was described as 'cruel' and his people hated him but dared not show it! [I wonder why
]
He severely punished those that broke the law or were accused of breaking the law.
He had what some call cruel methods but I somehow think they were innovative
He was described as 'cruel' and his people hated him but dared not show it! [I wonder why
]
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
He named his son Lukwangwaliba (Meaning DROUGHT) then killed him for bringing drought to the land
He named his son Lukwangwaliba (Meaning DROUGHT) then killed him for bringing drought to the land
Prince Lukwangwaliba was promoted to General after Tumbale
Then a long stretch of no rain (drought) followed
[Because Mwali was angry about the cows]
Chirisamhuru blamed his son for having a cursed name & had him strangled to death
[But you gave him that name my King
]
Then a long stretch of no rain (drought) followed
[Because Mwali was angry about the cows
]Chirisamhuru blamed his son for having a cursed name & had him strangled to death
[But you gave him that name my King
]
THE TOWER OF BABEL 
Chirisamhuru built a tower towards the sky so he could collect the moon to use as a plate for his rain making rituals.
Others say he just wanted to use it as his dinner plate
[I think he wanted to give his new wife ~I'll give you the moon and stars~]
Chirisamhuru built a tower towards the sky so he could collect the moon to use as a plate for his rain making rituals.
Others say he just wanted to use it as his dinner plate
[I think he wanted to give his new wife ~I'll give you the moon and stars~]
TO THE MOON AND BACK 
Ok let me tell the story right
He wanted the moon to show just how great he was. I mean, who could doubt the king’s greatness when the rest of the world had to look at moonless nights because the great king was using the moon as a dinner plate?
Ok let me tell the story right
He wanted the moon to show just how great he was. I mean, who could doubt the king’s greatness when the rest of the world had to look at moonless nights because the great king was using the moon as a dinner plate?
I don't know about you but I'm personally choosing to ignore the fact that the diameter of the moon is ~3476 km 
That's like a quarter of the earth but I'm ignoring that fact because obviously they also ignored it back then
That's like a quarter of the earth but I'm ignoring that fact because obviously they also ignored it back then
EASY PEASY
So the plan was very simple
STEP 1
Build a tall wooden tower that goes all the way to the sky
STEP 2
On the night of a full moon, climb up and get the king his plate
Simple, right?
They obviously thought so because the servants got to work
So the plan was very simple
STEP 1
Build a tall wooden tower that goes all the way to the sky
STEP 2
On the night of a full moon, climb up and get the king his plate
Simple, right?
They obviously thought so because the servants got to work
GET THERE OR DIE TRYING
The project took a very long time and was just not ending!
Again, I'm choosing to ignore the distance from earth to the moon and also the fact that termites destroy untreated wood lying about
IGNORE: After a while, the base was basically hollow wood
The project took a very long time and was just not ending!
Again, I'm choosing to ignore the distance from earth to the moon and also the fact that termites destroy untreated wood lying about
IGNORE: After a while, the base was basically hollow wood
So surprisingly and totally unexpected (), the structure collapsed
Many died and others injured
That was shortly before the collapse of the Kingdom. So invaders found only a few people able to fight and defend the Empire
[I have a feeling that Mambo blamed Mwali]
), the structure collapsed Many died and others injured
That was shortly before the collapse of the Kingdom. So invaders found only a few people able to fight and defend the Empire
[I have a feeling that Mambo blamed Mwali
]
TWO HEARTED KINGS
Back then it was believed that Kings had two hearts to differentiate them from the rest of us, puny humans
And of course Chirisamhuru believed it and would constantly make it known and made it known to the Swati Queen Nyamazana [King Mzilikazi's wife
]
Back then it was believed that Kings had two hearts to differentiate them from the rest of us, puny humans
And of course Chirisamhuru believed it and would constantly make it known and made it known to the Swati Queen Nyamazana [King Mzilikazi's wife
]
DEATH OF A MAMBO
Queen Nyamazana killed Mambo Chirisamhuru (A popular version)
She skinned him alive and opened his chest to verify if he really had two hearts
History doesn't say how many hearts she found. So maybe he had 2 hearts
It's his word against your thoughts
Queen Nyamazana killed Mambo Chirisamhuru (A popular version)
She skinned him alive and opened his chest to verify if he really had two hearts
History doesn't say how many hearts she found. So maybe he had 2 hearts
It's his word against your thoughts
1000 WAYS TO DIE
Yesterday I said he poisoned everyone when the Swazi INVADED. But he made sure he ate a lot before checking out so that he wouldn't die hungry.
[Clever move! No one knows what time they cook in the afterlife. You can't risk showing up hungry]
Yesterday I said he poisoned everyone when the Swazi INVADED. But he made sure he ate a lot before checking out so that he wouldn't die hungry.
[Clever move! No one knows what time they cook in the afterlife. You can't risk showing up hungry]
Others say he ran away from Nyamazana's Swazi invades and caught up with his subjects that had 'ran away' from him.
Then lived there, in present day Manicaland, until he died a natural death
Then lived there, in present day Manicaland, until he died a natural death
Others say, Nyamazana made him jump off a cliff and he died in the process.
Others say he disappeared, like Lobengula did. Like GONE!
I kind of believe this one more than the others. He dabbled in serious witchcraft so I believe he had a clock of invisibility somewhere
Others say he disappeared, like Lobengula did. Like GONE!
I kind of believe this one more than the others. He dabbled in serious witchcraft so I believe he had a clock of invisibility somewhere
When all is said and done. He was an interesting King, who lived a long adventurous life
And since he was a King, we say?
Long Live the King
Taboka kwazo kwazo [Thank you very much - in Kalanga]
![When all is said and done. He was an interesting King, who lived a long adventurous life And since he was a King, we say?Long Live the King Taboka kwazo kwazo [Thank you very much - in Kalanga]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EXnzD2OWoAMasBs.jpg "When all is said and done. He was an interesting King, who lived a long adventurous life And since he was a King, we say?Long Live the King Taboka kwazo kwazo [Thank you very much - in Kalanga]")
And since he was a King, we say?
Long Live the King
Taboka kwazo kwazo [Thank you very much - in Kalanga]
