MAMBO CHIRISAMHURUhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Sparkles" aria-label="Emoji: Sparkles">

He did the most unbelievable things in the history of Kingshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜‚" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy">

He had two hearts, built a tower to the moon, killed his son because of a name, married his daughter to an enemy, insulted Mwali (god)https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ" title="Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)">

He just did the most nje

If ungovernable was a personhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">
MAMBO CHIRISAMHURUhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable=He did the most unbelievable things in the history of Kingshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜‚" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy">He had two hearts, built a tower to the moon, killed his son because of a name, married his daughter to an enemy, insulted Mwali (god)https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ" title="Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)">He just did the most njeIf ungovernable was a personhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">" title="MAMBO CHIRISAMHURUhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Sparkles" aria-label="Emoji: Sparkles">He did the most unbelievable things in the history of Kingshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜‚" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy">He had two hearts, built a tower to the moon, killed his son because of a name, married his daughter to an enemy, insulted Mwali (god)https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ" title="Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)">He just did the most njeIf ungovernable was a personhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">" class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
He was the last King of the Rozvi Empire (Karanga). And as the last, he shut it down!

He went out in royal style!https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ‘‘" title="Crown" aria-label="Emoji: Crown">

He& #39;s by far my (2nd) favourite Rozvi King. Changamire Dombo is my first https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✊" title="Raised fist" aria-label="Emoji: Raised fist">

Intros done, now let& #39;s focus on the:

DEEDS OF MAMBO CHIRISAMHURU by YVONNE MAPHOSA https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ‘‘" title="Crown" aria-label="Emoji: Crown">
I mention Chirisamhuru/Tjilisamhulu a lot! I& #39;m usually mad at him but there& #39;s no denying that he was a legend. He was a hero or villain, depending which side you& #39;re looking at it from

Some say the last King was TOHWECHIPI. Who knows? There are many sides to historyhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ" title="Woman shrugging" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging">

Let& #39;s gohttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🚢" title="Person walking" aria-label="Emoji: Person walking">
WHAT& #39;S IN A NAME?

CHIRISAMHURU means "one who heards calves".

This can be taken to mean someone who pursues trivial matters, as does a child who keeps watch of the calves while older boys herd the cattle.

And boy oh boy! Don& #39;t people live up to their names? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">
MURDER INC

He repeatedly tried to murder his friend/ally, the Kalanga King Tjibundule. Witchcraft, fake hunting sprees, ambushes, attacks etc

Before his reign, the Kalanga and the Rozvi were living peacefully. But Chirisamhuru wanted it all and he got it, by fire by force https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ”₯" title="Fire" aria-label="Emoji: Fire">
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

He had his daughter marry his enemy/friend Tjibundule, King of the neighbouring tribe (Kalanga) so she could get him a piece of his hair that had superpowers

He waited 2 years, 4 months! He got it, bewitched Tjibundule and took over the Kalanga Kingdom
GODS AND MEN

He made a deal with Mwali (god) and Mwali gave him intel of where to raid cows

He sent his General Tumbale/Tumbare. The raid was successful.

Then he refused to share the cattle. He told Mwali to go and raid her own cows if she wanted some https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ" title="Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)">

[Brave or Stupid?]
Yes, Mwali was a woman [or a man with a soprano voice? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ€”" title="Thinking face" aria-label="Emoji: Thinking face">]

Of course Mwali couldn& #39;t go and raid cattle!

Mwali was only a voice so how would a voice raid cows? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ" title="Woman shrugging" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging">

Anyway, the point is, Chirisamhuru refused and Mwali vowed to kill him [Chirisamhuru died many years later https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ˆ" title="See-no-evil monkey" aria-label="Emoji: See-no-evil monkey">]
BURN IT TO THE GROUND!

When Mwali came to threaten Chirisamhuru, he wasn& #39;t threatened

He just burned down the structures Mwali’s voice was coming from https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ’…" title="Nail polish" aria-label="Emoji: Nail polish">

Even burnt down his royal bedroom and the Dale/Dare tree!

He stopped burning things when Mwali’s voice came from the air
I& #39;M THE KING AND YOU ARE NOT!

After that successful raid, that one where he was supposed to give Mwali cows, remember it?

Yes. He fired his General Tumbale because people praised Tumbale for winning the battle and not him. Even though Tumbale had won the battle and not him!
THE PUNISHER!

He severely punished those that broke the law or were accused of breaking the law.

He had what some call cruel methods but I somehow think they were innovative https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ˆ" title="See-no-evil monkey" aria-label="Emoji: See-no-evil monkey">

He was described as & #39;cruel& #39; and his people hated him but dared not show it! [I wonder why https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ƒ" title="Upside-down face" aria-label="Emoji: Upside-down face">]
WHAT& #39;S IN A NAME?

He named his son Lukwangwaliba (Meaning DROUGHT) then killed him for bringing drought to the land https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🀭" title="Face with hand over mouth" aria-label="Emoji: Face with hand over mouth">
Prince Lukwangwaliba was promoted to General after Tumbale

Then a long stretch of no rain (drought) followed

[Because Mwali was angry about the cowshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ" title="Woman shrugging" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging">]

Chirisamhuru blamed his son for having a cursed name & had him strangled to death

[But you gave him that name my King https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Flushed face" aria-label="Emoji: Flushed face">]
THE TOWER OF BABEL https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ—Ό" title="Tokyo tower" aria-label="Emoji: Tokyo tower">

Chirisamhuru built a tower towards the sky so he could collect the moon to use as a plate for his rain making rituals.

Others say he just wanted to use it as his dinner platehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">

[I think he wanted to give his new wife ~I& #39;ll give you the moon and stars~]https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ˆ" title="See-no-evil monkey" aria-label="Emoji: See-no-evil monkey">
TO THE MOON AND BACK https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸŽ‘" title="Moon viewing ceremony" aria-label="Emoji: Moon viewing ceremony">

Ok let me tell the story right https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">

He wanted the moon to show just how great he was. I mean, who could doubt the king’s greatness when the rest of the world had to look at moonless nights because the great king was using the moon as a dinner plate? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ" title="Woman shrugging" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging">
I don& #39;t know about you but I& #39;m personally choosing to ignore the fact that the diameter of the moon is ~3476 km https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😐" title="Neutral face" aria-label="Emoji: Neutral face">

That& #39;s like a quarter of the earth but I& #39;m ignoring that fact because obviously they also ignored it back then https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ƒ" title="Upside-down face" aria-label="Emoji: Upside-down face">
EASY PEASY

So the plan was very simple

STEP 1
Build a tall wooden tower that goes all the way to the sky

STEP 2
On the night of a full moon, climb up and get the king his plate

Simple, right? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">

They obviously thought so because the servants got to work
GET THERE OR DIE TRYING

The project took a very long time and was just not ending!

Again, I& #39;m choosing to ignore the distance from earth to the moon and also the fact that termites destroy untreated wood lying abouthttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😐" title="Neutral face" aria-label="Emoji: Neutral face">

IGNORE: After a while, the base was basically hollow woodhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😐" title="Neutral face" aria-label="Emoji: Neutral face">
So surprisingly and totally unexpected (https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ƒ" title="Upside-down face" aria-label="Emoji: Upside-down face">), the structure collapsed https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ" title="Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman gesturing ok (medium dark skin tone)">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ˆ" title="See-no-evil monkey" aria-label="Emoji: See-no-evil monkey">

Many died and others injured https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ’”" title="Broken heart" aria-label="Emoji: Broken heart">

That was shortly before the collapse of the Kingdom. So invaders found only a few people able to fight and defend the Empire

[I have a feeling that Mambo blamed Mwali https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ˆ" title="See-no-evil monkey" aria-label="Emoji: See-no-evil monkey">]
TWO HEARTED KINGShttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ’•" title="Two hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Two hearts">

Back then it was believed that Kings had two hearts to differentiate them from the rest of us, puny humans

And of course Chirisamhuru believed it and would constantly make it known and made it known to the Swati Queen Nyamazana [King Mzilikazi& #39;s wife https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with smiling eyes">]
DEATH OF A MAMBO https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ‘‘" title="Crown" aria-label="Emoji: Crown">

Queen Nyamazana killed Mambo Chirisamhuru (A popular version)

She skinned him alive and opened his chest to verify if he really had two hearts

History doesn& #39;t say how many hearts she found. So maybe he had 2 hearts https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ" title="Woman shrugging" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging">

It& #39;s his word against your thoughtshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ’•" title="Two hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Two hearts">
1000 WAYS TO DIE

Yesterday I said he poisoned everyone when the Swazi INVADED. But he made sure he ate a lot before checking out so that he wouldn& #39;t die hungry.

[Clever move! No one knows what time they cook in the afterlife. You can& #39;t risk showing up hungry]
Others say he ran away from Nyamazana& #39;s Swazi invades and caught up with his subjects that had & #39;ran away& #39; from him.

Then lived there, in present day Manicaland, until he died a natural death
Others say, Nyamazana made him jump off a cliff and he died in the process.

Others say he disappeared, like Lobengula did. Like GONE! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🌬" title="Wind blowing face" aria-label="Emoji: Wind blowing face">

I kind of believe this one more than the others. He dabbled in serious witchcraft so I believe he had a clock of invisibility somewhere https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™ˆ" title="See-no-evil monkey" aria-label="Emoji: See-no-evil monkey">
When all is said and done. He was an interesting King, who lived a long adventurous life https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">

And since he was a King, we say?

Long Live the King https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ‘‘" title="Crown" aria-label="Emoji: Crown">

Taboka kwazo kwazo [Thank you very much - in Kalanga] https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™" title="Folded hands" aria-label="Emoji: Folded hands">
When all is said and done. He was an interesting King, who lived a long adventurous life https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable=And since he was a King, we say?Long Live the King https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ‘‘" title="Crown" aria-label="Emoji: Crown">Taboka kwazo kwazo [Thank you very much - in Kalanga] https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™" title="Folded hands" aria-label="Emoji: Folded hands">" title="When all is said and done. He was an interesting King, who lived a long adventurous life https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ˜…" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">And since he was a King, we say?Long Live the King https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ‘‘" title="Crown" aria-label="Emoji: Crown">Taboka kwazo kwazo [Thank you very much - in Kalanga] https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="πŸ™" title="Folded hands" aria-label="Emoji: Folded hands">" class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
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