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everyone and their third cousin on hq twt have talked ab the relatability of furudateās character arcs and clearly, iām no different, but thereās just something ab this panel and its open space and lingering that speaks volumes to me, especially as an athlete
i swam year round since i was around 6 or 7 through hs, yet unlike udai tenma, i wasnāt a relatively remarkable athlete ā no major achievements, having struck a major plateau in grade 9/10 that just dragged on until a rough burnout by 12
to my knowledge, udai never experienced such a feeling. he was at the top of his game, hinataās shining idol, yet he made the deliberate decision to take a step back & simply breathe, and there is such a resounding gravity to that decision
like tenma i never properly pursued swimming in college - now i swim more leisurely when i have time, but there is the underlying bittersweetness in knowing iāll never be at the same level i was, that often tastes much more bitter than it does sweet
therefore, even if we donāt see his face, itās udaiās Look - that long lingering look back at the empty space of the court, a look that seems to evoke a feeling that just seems to consume him in that space, that memory of the past, that made me cry just a little harder
furudate has been expertly weaving these storylines like udaiās which show that there are infinite avenues of life to be lived and wandered down outside of volleyball, outside of your respective sport & it is ultimately your choice whether to pursue it or not
however, it is because of all of that time, work, and effort - all of the sweat and tears from however many years youāve dedicated to a sport - that you are the person you are today, that youāve made it to where you stand now
in udaiās look, he is witnessing the shadow of himself in the phantom, salon-pas-smelling court of memory, sifting through the echoes of the past. itās a look of longing, but at the same time reconciliation.
you can never relive your glory days, but you can use them as a platform to make memories that last even longer and taste even sweeter.
even when you retire, that love for a sport will always be there. enough so that it will make you stop, even if just for a second longer, and remember. whether itās sneaker squeaks or the smell of chlorine, the nostalgia of it all serves as an impetus to keep going, to the future
iāve dragged on enough as is and this is more of a journal entry than anything, but there was just something ab this one panel that begged me to be articulated so if youāve read this far and related in some way thank you, iām glad i am not alone in living in the past 
