Thread by @KR1573N, I realized it's been about a year since I consciously decided to [...]

I realized it's been about a year since I consciously decided to clean up my language in an effort to be more intentional and inclusive when I speak. Some takeaways, if anyone else is on this journey or looking to start

I'd like to quickly acknowledge the conditioning that I'm shifting: I'm the product of a white, rural, religious town of about 6K folks in Pennsylvania that also featured a conservative, Republican leaning. Quite a homogenous bubble before I came to Rochester for college.

Even though I was raised to recognize my privileges through money and class structures, I still had work to do e.g. reality of racial oppression or how ableist our world is.

Ableist language is still a tricky spot for me, as I spent most of my life in a "crazy" label.

The label was both my own doing (my family is chock full of psychological disorders alongside my own) and I found empowerment in my nicknames (Krazy, Kracky) as if they gave me space to be my wild self. It took me a long time to realize how I was perpetuating social norms.

So! Why go on this journey? I cringe when I hear people say ignorant shit and yet, what had I been saying all these years?!

Not only is this the way to improving societal discourse, but I didn't want to be that person that causes people to flinch in conversations anymore.

It all started with my friends. I have extremely thoughtful and patient friends that were amazing enough to call me on my shit. This was my starting point. And I thanked them each time they caught me. If you're gonna do this, you've gotta get over yourself and learn to rebound.

It's important to understand that this doesn't work if the company you keep doesn't catch the issues in your word choices. Having caring pals means that I was often a burden until I could break my habits. I know they flinched a lot in the past and that bugs me to this day.

Important: your friends shouldn't have to catch you every damn time, either. This is emotional labor. They hear what you're saying like a loud horn and yet they're to remind you for the billionth time? Nope.

Listen when your friends or anyone asks you to rethink your words.

Okay, so my social guardrails were up (that I tried not to use) but I also had to listen better to the casual dialogues around me: TV, movies, news, colleagues -- full of ableist and ignorant language. I made sure to pause and acknowledge each one. It got easier to spot.

This is all part of the mental deconditioning; we've normalized these words and contexts and now we have to highlight them again.

Some of you might think: "but, I'm not sure I can count on my circles or local communities to help me see and hear these things? What do I do?"

Leverage social media. Dead serious. Change who you follow. Right now! We cannot learn if we will not infuse our lives with experiences unlike our own. So many wonderful faces and avatars come to mind when I think about who helped me learn by sharing their lives.

Watching the virtual flinching in real-time when ignorant shit hit the fan helped me with many "aha!" moments and kept me from going down the path of asking people to explain things to me.

Quite simply: go listen and learn from others unlike you. Examples for days.

Have designated "accountability buddies" -- I prefer this route of transparency and explaining goals with friends, as to avoid burning one another in such efforts. State that you're trying to be more mindful and watch how your buddy will stay on their toes, too. More minds on it.

Last one: catch yourself and course correct without making it about you! Better believe I screw this up all. the. time. but I quickly thank those that point out my poor choices and I demonstrate that appreciation by knocking it off. We're gonna fuck up. Learn to rebound. Fast.

I'm sure there's more, but this already feels too long lol so I'm gonna wrap up. I'd love to discuss more or reflect from other angles, as this has taught me a lot more than just the importance of words.

I'm able to see the level of awareness that goes into creating welcoming and comfortable spaces for one another, too. I now gauge experiences by how often I flinch and whether others are trying. I also expect leaders to be doing similar tactics in any effort to improve inclusion.

TL;DR: watching my mouth started as a focus on my words and turned into a better understanding of inclusivity, welcoming environments, what it means to be a caring friend, and how active we must be in dismantling the damaging norms all around us. Build the habit! /

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