It’s shearing time! Today the victim is Sheepthing!

Sheepthing is a Gulf Coast native breed, or was supposed to be, but Shep just made me take pictures of his butt while yelling “THIS IS A FATTAIL SHEEP!”

“LOOK AT THAT FAT!” she said. “Take a photo!” So here we are. This is my life, internet.

Fattail sheep are primarily Middle Eastern. They are bred to have a fat deposit at their rumps that is a delicacy. Sheepthing has some junk in the trunk, and Shep is suspicious.

Sheepthing is ragged and his current fleece isn’t great because her lousy former husband would not hug a sheep and it is impossible to get someone out to shear a tiny flock. Next year, though, he will be magnificent!

I am told his wool has “great crimp.” So, uh, fiber people, be impressed.

I think I had a perm like that in high school.

I am informed that Sheepthing is merely thicc and true dummy thicc status is reserved for such breeds as the Karakul. https://twitter.com/epilonious/status/1259153287850463232?s=21

The Gulf Coast Native breed, which Sheepthing supposedly is, has, according to Shep, many lies and not much real information. The internet will tell you that Spanish conquistadors released them to be feral sheep. “Always the goddamn conquistadors,” says Shep.

This is highly unlikely because, as you can see from various celebrity sheep who are caught after years on the run, wool sheep can’t revert to wild like that. They die entombed in wool.

Sheepthing will escape this fate! His shepherd loves him! Kevin...is petting him.

“Show this to the internet!” Shep says. “This is fiber porn right here!”

I have no idea. You tell me, fiber internet.

Sheepthing is tired of being held. The phrase “Don’t fight the sheep with your back! Fight the sheep with your abs!” was just uttered.

Oh no! Sheepthing broke fre! Kevin flung himself after the miscreant, but to no avail!

Shep has more fiber porn. Very small quantities of Sheepthing’s neck wool will be available at some point. Very small. Single origin wool.

Anyway, before I got distracted bringing you high-end fiber porn, I was saying this! Yes! https://twitter.com/leydhen/status/1259158180103434241?s=21

Most likely, I am told, the Gulf Coast sheep are just the descendants of whatever sheep the people living there were keeping, selectively bred to survive the conditions. Also, I quote “their hooves don’t suck as much as some other breeds.”

Time to catch Sheepthing again! But first, yoga, because everyone is middle aged.

Sheepthing is recaught, with the aid of Beamer! I will upload video when I have better internet.

One side done...

Aha! The shepherd is occupied! Havoc the goat will escape and nosh illicit greens!

Am handsomest goat. Admire.

KEVIN: *attempting to catch Sheepthing* Do you have a bellwether?
SHEP: Yeah. It’s Sheepthing.
KEVIN: *muttered obscenity*

But it is done! Sheepthing is shorn!

DO YOU WANT MORE SHEEP MOVED BECAUSE I CAN DO THAT BOSS LET ME DO IT I WILL MOVE THEM ALL OVER IT’LL BE AWESOME BOSS

Let’s see if this will upload...

Anyway, they finished up, we took eggs to the neighbor, she insisted on feeding us lunch, it was a good day.