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fire emblem three houses characters according to my boyfriend who has played most fire emblems but not this one - a thread
him: oh man i hope that guy never ends up in super smash brothers. he looks like he'd be a jerk
him: i dunno she looks like she's the sister of the guy you just showed me
me: she's the same guy
him: 𝐢 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰
me: she's the same guy
him: 𝐢 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰
him: there's just like, a lot going on there
me: like what
him: i dunno - i'm torn between, like, saying she's the queen of somewhere or like she's gonna tell my fortune. she's definitely at least 10,000 years old though
me: like what
him: i dunno - i'm torn between, like, saying she's the queen of somewhere or like she's gonna tell my fortune. she's definitely at least 10,000 years old though
him: oh she started worshiping the devil. or like went to space and became ruler of a space planet? one or the other. those are the only options for people who have horn buns. devil worshipers or space queens. she looks she's having a lot less fun in the older version
him: FUCKING REALLY? oh wow that guy's had a hard life. COLLEGE WAS not nice to him. he looks like a guy who went to college and started having Opinions. he grew up going through all the finest private schools. politically i either super agree with him or hope for his death.
him: oh shit. claude got hot. he had that stupid fucking hair thing before, and okay, i get it, the phantom menace just came out, it's fashionable, but like - i want the timeskip version to take me to dinner. tell me i'm pretty and then never call me again.
him: is he a vampire?
me: um… i married him
him: that doesn't tell me whether he's a vampire or not. i feel like he's gonna suck my blood
me: do you want him to?
him: 50/50
me: um… i married him
him: that doesn't tell me whether he's a vampire or not. i feel like he's gonna suck my blood
me: do you want him to?
him: 50/50
bf: those are some cheekbones. i bet he sharpens his sword on his cheekbones.
me: he's a mage
bf: i bet he sharpens his book on his cheekbones.
bf: the early version is The Bad Guy. i trust the future one. he's the opposite of dimitri. he went to college and kind of mellowed out
me: he's a mage
bf: i bet he sharpens his book on his cheekbones.
bf: the early version is The Bad Guy. i trust the future one. he's the opposite of dimitri. he went to college and kind of mellowed out
bf: this is just the same guy who stopped cutting his hair. changed his wardrobe. i feel like he's the kind of guy who has all of these Ideas of manliness and chivalry, and they don't go to the point of actually respecting women at all. he reminds me of your old crush
bf: oh she's cute
me: linhardt is a man
bf: oh okay well that's fine. he's cute
me: he's gay
bf: oh that's fine. apparently so am i so there you go
me: linhardt is a man
bf: oh okay well that's fine. he's cute
me: he's gay
bf: oh that's fine. apparently so am i so there you go
bf: he looks even more world weary in the second one. this looks like the kind of person who was never young and as they got older you would think they would age into it and they just don't
bf: that's a super punchable face
me: that's what he would say to you
bf: there's somebody who aged into his attitude a little bit, but i still think he's a dick
me: that's what he would say to you
bf: there's somebody who aged into his attitude a little bit, but i still think he's a dick
bf: in the first one he really is a dick and has a high opinion of himself with no backing whatsoever. then maybe there's some backing, but he's definitely still a dick. no matter what the adult version does i'm never gonna recognize him bc i knew him when he was a bratty kid.
bf: oh she looks sad. she needs a hug. she just really needs a hug in the first one. and in the second one she equally needs a hug but she is better at hiding it and that's just super depressing.
bf: nothing has gotten better in her life. she's just learned how to hide it from people and that's just super depressing. i feel really bad for her. she just needs a hug. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259160227045408768
bf: no you accidentally put a persona character in here. where's the real next one. WHAT IS THAT HAT. WHAT IS THAT CHOKER. SHE'S FROM FRIGGEN 2018. THIS IS NOT A FIRE EMBLEM CHARACTER. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE JUST CAME BACK FROM THE MALL
bf: i know this person. i knew this mall rat girl at 14 and then grew up into the slightly more sophisticated fashion-diva type of person. this is not a judgement on her whatsoever as far as personality. it is just her sense of fashion. i feel like i work with this person. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259160735483138048
bf: i feel like this person is either a dancer or a swordsmaster. those are the only two classes this person is allowed to be. either way she's gonna cut you.
me: assassin
bf: okay she's definitely gonna cut me. and the pre-timeskip one is gonna enjoy it
me: assassin
bf: okay she's definitely gonna cut me. and the pre-timeskip one is gonna enjoy it
bf: woof. that guy had a rough day at the hairdresser. i feel like i'm gonna say this about a lot of the blue lions but this is like um. a private school kinda guy who then goes to college and gets Opinions--no, you know what?
bf: he didn't get to go to college, all of his friends did, but then his mom got sick or something and he entered the workforce, and he's not like bitter about it, he wouldn't begrudge his mom getting sick, but he could've been somebody! https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259161624398770177
and instead he works like 85 hours a week and his hands bleed in the winter time, and it's rough man. it's real rough. healthcare is a human right. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259161931174330368
me: the next one is My Boy
bf: roy's in this game?
bf: roy's in this game?
bf: feeeeelix the cat!
bf: this guy is the opposite of dimitri. he was a nice kid. he was a nice kid! he was smart! he's getting good grades. but then he got into some bad circles and now he's super redpilled edgelord.
bf: all of the blue lions are private school kids, right. so disdain for other people that all private schoolers carry with them. but it's not like an active feeling. but in the second one he's judging the shit out of you. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259162787122683905
bf: "ugh. sheeple." he would unironically use the word "sheeple." you hate to see a good kid get bitter like that, you know?
bf: here's a guy who never grew up. not even in a negative way, i feel like he's this super naive freshfaced kid in the first one, and then he's still that in an older body in the second one. definitely super privileged. he makes like 400k a year, but super naive about everything
bf: hmmmmmmmmmm. i'm having a really hard time having an opinion about this guy. he's just. like if you equivalent exchanged white bread into a human it would be this guy.
bf: he's the kind of guy who doesn't think he's the best at everything, right, he's just a little bit above average, but in reality he is the most average person that has ever existed. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259163913310142469
bf: he's like a. bachelor's degree civil engineer minivan with 2.5 children
me: and a dog?
bf: half a dog. the exact average of humanity. but he just thinks he's a little bit better than most people https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259163913310142469
me: and a dog?
bf: half a dog. the exact average of humanity. but he just thinks he's a little bit better than most people https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259163913310142469
bf: it is probably telling that i consider a bachelor's degree in civil engineering as the exact average of humanity but don't worry about it that's my private school background
bf: i feel like her ears have to get tired.
me: what??
bf: she's got those huge earrings! those got to weigh like five pounds a piece
me: okay… i guess
bf: i don't know there's very little to say here. she cut her hair. great. she got a hat.
me: what??
bf: she's got those huge earrings! those got to weigh like five pounds a piece
me: okay… i guess
bf: i don't know there's very little to say here. she cut her hair. great. she got a hat.
bf: seems very pleasant but doesn't like have opinions about anything. just kind of agrees with whatever you say. she probably like, has Opinions but you will never know what they are https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259166147397783552
bf: she seems like way more timepassed than everbody else. she's like 8 and then 25'
bf: in the post-skip she strikes me as someone who is hypercompetent but never gets in your face about it. she's just better than you at everything, but she's going to let you be stupid.
bf: in the post-skip she strikes me as someone who is hypercompetent but never gets in your face about it. she's just better than you at everything, but she's going to let you be stupid.
bf: she could do anything that you are attempting to do better but she's just gonna let you fail at it because, eh https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259166808663359491
bf: she doesn't look any older. oh. she put on clothes. and cut her hair! but is otherwise identical. okay. i don't know. this character evokes nothing for me. i gotta be honest. she's probably a pegasus knight
bf: ooh boy. this guy grew up and got a little bit of fashion sense and absolutely zero common sense. like this man has never known how much a gallon of milk costs in his entire life and never will. i don't think this man has ever been in a kitchen. i don't like him.
bf: i'm sure we could have a perfectly pleasant conversation but i would just hate him the entire time. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259167350689091585
bf: this is the guy who doesn't understand why poor people don't just pull themselves up by their bootstraps. he honestly considers himself a self-made man. you gotta go to the next one i'm just gonna keep dumping on this guy
bf: what is this nice boy doing here with all these assholes? like. okay. this dude is like. this is like the nicest person you've ever met. dumb as a box of rocks, but super nice.
bf: his chin is fucking carved from granite. same with his nose. is this a flesh golem? this man looks designed. this man looks assembled in a factory. the soviet super man. i could absolutely see this dude in overalls with a sledgehammer just leading the revolution, comrade https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259168147313176583
bf: he seems pleasant. i feel like you could walk past this guy every day of your life and never realize that he's there. the kind of guy who would just melt into the walls. probably actually pretty funny. super good conversationalist. functionally does not exist to 90% of people
bf: she got into astrology at some point. 100% wants to tell you about her religion. like she's not a jerk about it, she just wants to tell you about her religion, you know? i'm not saying she puts any stock in it, but she definitely know when mercury is in retrograde.
bf: is she okay? she needs some vitamin D. she's either a pegasus knight or a cleric. and also makes me feel like she is very sad and got good at fashion and makeup but never got less sad. and that's just really depressing. i feel bad for her
bf: that's a very little kid hairstyle. i'm gonna judge women's hair style for no reason. that's me today.
bf: i feel like she owns a business, actually. i don't know what it does, but she is one of those small business entrepreneurs that dresses aggressively young and flashy. she shows up to venture capital meetings in like a gothic lolita dress. it's that energy.
bf: the little kid version already knows that's what she wants to be by the way. this did not Happen, this has always been the plan https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259169615638409217
bf: the kid can kick your ass and wants you to know it. the adult can still kick your ass but is less forward about it. she's got that quiet confidence about it, 'i don't need everyone to know that i'm the baddest ass human in this hallway, but i am.' that's just a statement.
bf: adult leonie has big dick energy. she is an armor wearing class. she's gonna hit you very hard with a weapon that weighs as much as her body. kinda hot actually.
me: OMG EW. i don't like her. maybe i'm jealous now
bf: that's fine https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259170131034492928
me: OMG EW. i don't like her. maybe i'm jealous now
bf: that's fine https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259170131034492928
bf: (sighing) i know he's a church character already which is cheating, but because i know this, this guy is like saint augustine, who is famously the guy who asked God to give him chastity and serenity, But Not Yet.
bf: so this dude is like a bro, or was like a bro, just broin it up his whole life, until 15 minutes ago, when he took his cloth and suddenly became super self righteous about the stuff he used to do last week. i do not like him
me: i married him
bf: that's fine. i don't like him https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259176601574612992
me: i married him
bf: that's fine. i don't like him https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259176601574612992
bf: oh man I'm gonna have Opinions about these church characters. this is the dude who will try to debate you on the catechism despite the fact that you're holding it in your hand. this guy is my high school morality teacher
bf: she seems nice. she's gonna suffer for the fact that her older brother is such a dick. she just wants to live her life, you know? and her brother is doing his goddamn best to be the symbol of holiness to mankind. he's probably gonna try to smite you if you hold her hand
me: i married her too
bf: that's fine. just hopefully not at the same time https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259177405190717442
bf: that's fine. just hopefully not at the same time https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259177405190717442
bf: alright what is with japan and hot nuns. like they've never met a nun, have they? they're not hot, i promise
bf: oh, hey! it's dimitri's father! just kidding. that guy is not rich enough to be dimitri's father. but he looks just like dimitri. and nothing like byleth.
bf: he's. like. the guy who actually pulled himself by his bootstraps and now he has to fucking teach all of these silver spoon holding private school kids and he's just real done with it https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259178593990643714
bf: the prof you have in college who's super knowledgeable about the subject and can't teach for shit
bf: he doesn't want to be teaching. he has to be teaching a certain number of hours to retain his tenure. he is there 100% for his research. he's just a dick. he's not a bad guy, he's just the problem with academia, i say, as someone who has never worked in academia. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259178923059011584
bf: she by contrast does not acknowledge that she is an adult. she's the woman in her late 30s that always tells guys on the weekends that she's 25.
bf: she's probably actually really smart and just doesn't, like, want to be an adult. just grow up lady! it's fine. you're cool, it's cool, it's fine! find an adult man or woman - an adult human - that can challenge you. quit. fucking. cougaring these teens. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259179438207614979
bf: i feel like she and byleth's dad would be a good couple. he needs to have more fun and she needs to have a partner who is more - formidable. she's gotten to the point where she's just so much smarter than everyone else that she's just done with it. i guess i'm kinkshaming now
this dude is like. the school resource officer who wants to be your friend. he's nice. he's kind of, like, a year or two behind on his memes, he's trying, but he's also definitely a cop. like 100%. all the white kids think he's barney fife and all the poc are afraid of him.
bf: (whistles) Damn.
me: i don't like her either!!
bf: she's gonna kill me. like 100%. and i'm gonna enjoy it
me: i don't like her either!!
bf: she's gonna kill me. like 100%. and i'm gonna enjoy it
me: this is shamir. she's gonna kill me and i'm gonna enjoy it
bf: (completely ignoring me) craaaaaaaaawling in my skiiiiiiiiiiiin. these woouuuuuuunds they wiiiiiiiiill not heal. she's like second-in-command at the goth girls fortune 500 company. i've already forgotten her name.
bf: (completely ignoring me) craaaaaaaaawling in my skiiiiiiiiiiiin. these woouuuuuuunds they wiiiiiiiiill not heal. she's like second-in-command at the goth girls fortune 500 company. i've already forgotten her name.
bf: who let this lost child in??? are you sending him to war???? you fucking monster. this game violates the geneva conventions
bf: oh no. he's. he needs to either shave or like, commit to those sideburns. this is the guy who like doesn't - hasn't acknowledged yet that he can't grow a mustache. everyone around him knows, but he hasn't yet. perfectly nice guy. can't grow a mustache. it's okay dude!
bf: here's a man who has never accomplished anything in his life and just thinks the whole goddamn world of himself. this is a fucking postman. he has a little bit of power and has just gone insane with it. the pettiest little dictator.
he has the minorest power imaginable. he's the teacher that everyone hates. he's the guy who like, tries to get you written up for plagiarism because you used a snippet of a fic YOU WROTE in an essay. he's just like the pettiest little shit. https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259182009240469507
bf: he has power over you now, but years later when you're an adult, he will be a petty little high school english teacher. he's just gonna be this tiny man forever.
me: you really hate him
bf: i don't care for him. he's not my favorite
me: you really hate him
bf: i don't care for him. he's not my favorite
bf: he is a genetically engineered jpop hot boy. i feel like he came out of a tube. he's trying to figure out how to exist in the world after being born eight hours ago.
bf: there's a trope - born sexy yesterday. this guy. that's this guy.
me: it worked on me
bf: i'm not judging you. he is precision engineered for that function https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259182898567172096
me: it worked on me
bf: i'm not judging you. he is precision engineered for that function https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259182898567172096
bf: the second one is literally edelgard. fuckin benjamin button lookin ass. she has a secret agenda.
bf: did all the hairdressers die in the great cataclysm or something? this person ages backwards.
bf: did all the hairdressers die in the great cataclysm or something? this person ages backwards.
bf: okay so clearly all the hairdressers didn't die in the apocalypse because she has been to one for the first time in her life. i feel like she is swordsman harry potter. she lives under the stairs and then she gets to come out and is like a super prodigy or something
bf: how did hector get into this game? he's either a wyvern rider or a barbarian. those are the only two options.
bf: that is some extremely fitted leather armor. that guy's got some kinks
in the bg of our voice call: nipple ropes
bf: nipple ropes!
bf: that is some extremely fitted leather armor. that guy's got some kinks
in the bg of our voice call: nipple ropes
bf: nipple ropes!
that is a super impractical helmet. look at all the places you can catch a weapon. 'ohh, i embossed my face on my helmet to scare people' FUCK OFF. just wear a visor like everybody else! that helmet is built for intimidation and whoever wears it in battle deserves to get wrecked
bf: i see why he's named that. that is the least scary skeleton face i have ever seen. high-key he just looks sad. he looks stressed out. he probably works for the pope lady and she's just way over working him.
is he dedue? is this dedue's job? i feel like this guy just gets beaten up for a living by the church. he's gonna fight you but he's not gonna be happy about it. he already understands that you're the protag and he's gonna get fucked up. that is the face of inevitability https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259184680554893312
aaaand i saved jeritza for last because he is maybe my absolute favorite
bf: this person is first of all, doing some absolutely topnotch nb representation. second of all, they are the character that the protag meets at the end of like the second act, and it's extremely homoerotic no matter what gender the protag is,
and they have a passionate swordfight, and when they are struck their mask falls off, and they announce their undying love for the protagonist as they ironically die. they die with their eyes open, https://twitter.com/lumenize/status/1259185204398301184
and as the protag shuts their eyes, they whisper a quiet word of longing for a world that could have been. five stars! the new york times raves. sold out on broadway.
bf: i would make a phantom of the opera joke here, if i knew anything about the phantom of the opera
bf: i would make a phantom of the opera joke here, if i knew anything about the phantom of the opera
i love my boyfriend! thank you twitter and good night
