1/ Dear customers

Yesterday saw a record number of people just turning up for a burger without trying to pre order and it’s clear that many of you are under the mistaken assumption that the lock down is now over just because the Daily Heil and Rupert fucking Murdoch say it is.

2/ They alongside the criminal government are purposely giving you mixed messages because they want you to disobey the lockdown so they can blame you when everything goes to shit.

3/ If history tells us anything we are due a second wave in a few months. The pandemic may not have killed anyone you care about this time around, but next time it might be your parents, your children, your partner.

4/ The rules for takeaways remain the same. Customers should pre book and turn up at a pre arranged time. This isn’t just for a laugh or because I like making more work for myself. It’s to prevent people queuing on the street and to help social distancing

5/ I honestly don’t give a fuck if you only live around the corner. If queues start to form you risk me getting a £2000 fine and being forced to close. Not only that but you’re putting yours and others lives at risk.

6/ If too many people start just turning up I will start telling you to fuck off. I care more about your safety than I do about your repeated custom or how much you think I’m a “nice guy”

7/ may not always be able to answer the phone first time as I’m often cooking but please be patient, I’ll endeavour to answer as soon as possible.

8/ you really love queues so much then maybe head on over to Uncle Sams. According to a nearby resident on twitter they don’t give a hoot.

/endrant