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starting new girl ...
TIGER BOOBS ...
schmidt: lets take the lord of the rings references and put them away
the native american appropriation ....
“we’re all her boyfriends. we’re like reverse mormons. one man isn’t enough for her.”
schmidt: i would still totally do you :)
jess: aw :’) that’s so sweet
jess: aw :’) that’s so sweet
NICK SPAT WHEN HE SAID “JUST GET UD THE TV” EEEEENWMD
schmidt has a thumb ring and said “its so nectar” this is so awful
schmidt: IF YOU RESPECTED ME YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THE SMALL ROOM IS THE TOP DOG ROOM.
winston: ??
cece:
winston: ??
cece:
she kept driving past the house lmfao..
her dress is cute
i told you to water the plants
“jess take your SHOES OFF we keep an asian household”
SHES GONNA DROP THE TV
THEYRE ALL WEARING HER HATS
why does schmidt know how to jam
natasha lyonne pegs schmidt
shes putting clip ons on him
why does schmidt wanna see nicks dick so bad .. omg
JUST THE GUN ... JUST THE ROSES
WHY R THEY ALL IN THE BATHROOM ...
“you have a really beautiful body cece i really appreciate that about you”
jess: im disappointed in all of you. especially you. you’re better than that.
nick: it was a bad moment. i am better than that. sometimes.
nick: it was a bad moment. i am better than that. sometimes.
SCHMIDT IS GENUINELY DEPRAVED ..... 127 HOURS STYLE?!
cece going “im gonna crazy murder you” is that where it comes from
JESS IS STARING AT EVERYONES FEET
schmidt: in a couple days ill be brown like you cece
cece and winston: ?
cece and winston: ?
HE DOESNT KNOW SHES INDIAN???
schmidt: i love slumdog millionaire...
ceces just a maneater huh....
jess x nick
“MY FACE IS MY JOB MY FACE IS MY JOB”
the intimacy of brushing ur teeth together .........
not the dress up pilgrim native american school play ....
jess: what if i invite cece
schmidt: ...okay
schmidt: ...okay
jess: *curling up w the turkey*
schmidt: this is kind of turning me on
schmidt: this is kind of turning me on
“oh my god theres two of them”
ceces gross omfg “i wash my hands after?”
SCHMIDT THREW AWAY THE WALNUTS BC THEYRE COMPROMISED
schmidt: im the first one here every morning
kim: no ur not
schmidt: theres no parking space
kim: bc everyone else is already here
kim: no ur not
schmidt: theres no parking space
kim: bc everyone else is already here
THE KID THOUGHT THAT WINSTON WAS LEBRON
NICK IS TERRIBLE HES TRYING TO GET EVERYONE TO TURN ON THEIR LIGHTs ... AT 2 AM ....
nick sleeping w 21 yr old girls is weirddddd
schmidt: an indian-jewish baby? who wouldn’t want that? the bone structure!
NICK SLEPT W AN 18 YR OLD?? I KNOW HE DIDNT KNOW BUT DAMN .. WHAT DID HE EXPECT WHEN HE STARTED SMASHING COLLEGE GIRLS
winston is like the designated B plot guy...
NICKS BACK W CAROLINE?!
schmidt gets a boner from everything...
PAULS GIRLFRIEND LOOKS JJST LIKE HER
jess: she looks like ASIAN ME
schmidt: asian you? wo- OW
schmidt: asian you? wo- OW
schmidt’s asian fetish...cece girl he’s deranged and horny
IS EMOTIONAL INTIMACY TURNING U ON....
i thought you were asian me ... but i realized im caucasian you
WHY IS SCHMIDT BREAKING UP W HER.....
“are you white fanging me?” “someday im gonna do this to somebody”
why is schmidts hair curly . why is he wearing glasses. sickening
when r jess and nick gonna kiss . they keep looking at each other .
ceces so hot .... um ........
THE GLASSES ON CECE LMFAO
LMFAOO I LIKE THE OTHER SHOT GIRL ... “stupid jerks!”
HES SWINGING FIRE ... HES GONNA BURN HIMSELF
schmidt going “wow u made it pro. womens basketball but still” to winstons sister ... whos gonna tell him
so shes just gonna lie about being this mans cupidmatch
nick rlly thot...he was a time traveler
Schmidt just says the most out of pocket shit .... its like not quite racist ... but its like ur pushing ur limits sir
CECE HAS A WIDOWS PEAK....HEY QUEEN
hes pretending to be a romney...
schmidt: since you’re brown, you have the wisdom of a thousand white women
how do they not know who steve urkel is
cece, at 14: i wish i had a step brother to fall in love with
jess: paul rudd
jess: paul rudd
monkey monkey you are comrade best
jess is that post that was like “i hate going to school all the kids tell me dance white boy dance” but instead its “i hate ceces model friends they all tell me dance monkey dance”
jess: all these racist jokes about romanians? well guess what? i’m 1/8th romanian!
nadya: monkey, no !!!
nadya: monkey, no !!!
jess: we got into a boob fight :(
nick: i find that arousing. lets move on.
nick: i find that arousing. lets move on.
ceces so sexy and her eyelids r slightly uneven we love solidarity
jess learns that models actually have to do stuff
shelby is so cute ... reigning cats and dogs
NICK PUNCHED JESS AND NOW ALL THE OTHER HORROR HOUSE ACTORS R BEATING HIM UP
whos asian grandpa is just Staring at Nick LMFAO
i like ceces mean ass voice...
schmidt: it took me months to get rid of that heavenly curry smell
shes rlly parent trapping huh
NICK IS INTO HER MOM
jess rlly threw that whole turkey into the sink
theyre so Inconsistent sometimes like . Schmidt kissed nick twice in one episode. and now hes Afraid to kiss winston??
new girl is that era of time when they were somewhat socially aware but like forgot trans ppl exist
overall barebones acknowledgement of lgbt ppl. i do like the Lesbian Moms tho.
RACE RELATIONS EPISODE ... I
vanilla chocolate swirl...
omg cece is so beautiful in her sari ... shes so gorgeous ......
nick: im not wearing underwear rn. im just wearing a big sock. a Big sock. a Very Big Sock.
“googly eyes r actually kinda sexy”
IS HE GONNA KILL JESS ...
winstons constant boner
is that brenda song and winston ...
jess: im worried about my blue curtains .... *whispers* crips
nick: the CRI- okay jess im done
nick: the CRI- okay jess im done
nick came home bc jess said “i need you :(“ omg i love straight ppl
NICK AND JESS GONNA KSISSSSSSKSNKS
brenda song sexy ...
jess’ tiddies r just there huh
NICK SAID “NOT LIKE THIS” NSND FNDND DAMN ... WE GET IT U LOVE JESS
OMG THEYRE MAKING OUT FINALLLYYYBENNDFNSD
NICK UNRAVELED JESS SCARF
HES SO ANNOYING GOD ... JUST ADMIT UR INLOVE W WACH OTHER
wow they dont Respect ceces model career
THE INDIAN HOSTESS HITTING ON WINSTON
“i dont date below table 6” WHAT THE FUCK
THEYRE SO FUCKING RUDE TO CECE....EVERYONE DISRESPECTS CECE
schmidt: in ur midst walks a BROWN ANGEL *points to cece*
ALL THE MEN WENT OVER TO HER LMFAOO
WHY DID SHE PURPLE NURPLE NICK
winstons so desperate for a condom .... just eat her out man
schmidt: absorb the pee...
jess: did you just pee inside your body
jess: did you just pee inside your body
NO NAIL OATH ...
THEY SAID IF ONE PERSON NAILS JESS THEN ALL OF THEM HAVE TO BE INVOLVED I HATE THIS
nick: im having an anxiety attack rn
i thought shivrang was robby i dont know why im screaming .....
jess: i guess ill just have to use my eyes hair boobs legs and Adorable personality, fool
nick is so disgusting and has no common sense sometimes...he was supposed to be the grounded one....he’s rolling in the dirty instead
jess is so funny this episode ....
i love that they throw anniversay bdays for their friendships ......
nick: is that really what you jess? a man who talks about their feelings all the time?
jess: :|
nick: is it
jess: :|
nick: is it
ceces so tall
SHES 5’7.....SHE GIVES OFF 6’0 DAMN
nick: IM NOT ASKING YOU TO DO TOO MUCH JUST WRITE MY FATHERS EULOGY
winston loving nicks neglectful dad is weird
nick and jess r so weird ... “ur hands on my boob”
shivrang: its actually pronounced shiv-rung
cece: I DONT KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME?!
shivrang: you were just so pretty i couldnt correct u
cece: I DONT KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME?!
shivrang: you were just so pretty i couldnt correct u
weird that ... nicks dad hired older prostitutes so his son and his sons friend could lose their virginity ...
not at schmidt and cece meeting when they were 22
theyre finally fucking to ellie goulding? i hate the early 2010s
WAIT SO CECE’S WAS ON HER PROM NIGHT? SHE WAS 18???? MICK JAGGER WAS....
elizabeth and schmidt r so funny
CECE FELL ASLEEP ON HER GANDDDSSSHSBS
HEAVY MAKEUP COULD FIX IT ...
CECE LOOKS SO GORGEOUS... SCHMIDT ISNT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT HER
“cece told me with her eyes”
hes rlly sabotaging her beautiful wedding
NICK FIST BUMPS TO COTTON EYED JOE
so theyre all sabotaging the wedding .
look at all these beautiful poc in beautiful ethnic clothing ... and this white man (schmidt) is Sabotaging the wedding
i think hes right tho...i dont see shivrang and cece marrying
cece’s so beautiful ...........
TAYLOR SWIFT?!
abandoned beautiful cece for a white woman
CECE PEGS SCHMIDT CONFIRMED
is he gonna ... two time ... elizabeth and cece
“come here u crazy white girl”
not at jess w the single braid in her hair...its the white girl goes to south america braid
omg its angela from the office
brenda songs beautiful face...
nick was allowed to just walk into jess’ school? damn.
daisy sleeping w other men ... sorry winston
winston casually bringing up murder as a solution to his problems
jess: if we met in hs, you’d never notice me
nick: that’s bc i didnt go to class. i would NEVER see u.
nick: that’s bc i didnt go to class. i would NEVER see u.
ELIZABETH IS SO FUNNY
not at schmidt making cece a caterer
WINSTON ATE GLASS
nick: i never wanted to be involved in this ur so pretty jess
schmidt: in case ur wondering if cece has elizabeths number ... she does
SO SCHMIDTS GONNA BREAK UP NICK AND JESS ??? BC HES A CHEATER?? THATS HIS PROBLEM
nick: i think horses are from outer space
jess: OKAY ME TOO
jess: OKAY ME TOO
this white girl looks terrible
jess: MY NIGHT VISIONS VERY GOOD BC MY EYES ARE BUGGY AND BIG
HES EATING BIRTH CONTROL PILLS
schmidt: one was indian one was normal
LIKE .?????
ALL GUYS WANT TO BE PLAYING SAXOPHONE IN AN ALLEY AND GIRLS WALK BY IN A MINISKIRT AND GEMS ON THEIR PURSES
IM SCREAMING SCHMIDT GOT BEAT UP BY KIDS
ceces boobs
winston: schmidt you cant move whos gonna do my fades
jess: yeah whos gonna do his fades!
jess: nick can we talk alone?
nick: okay do you want to close the door or just do it quietly
jess: nick we’re NOT having sex
nick, buttoning his pants back: oh no absolutely we’re just talking
nick: okay do you want to close the door or just do it quietly
jess: nick we’re NOT having sex
nick, buttoning his pants back: oh no absolutely we’re just talking
arties sexy voice
COACH IS SO SOBBING
jess terrorizing the local chinese restaurant
winston: well nobody helped me in the bathroom so now theres a mess
nick: we need to come together like the pilgrims and native americans to SURVIVE
schmidt: yes, the first chapter in a proud history of cooperation :/
schmidt: yes, the first chapter in a proud history of cooperation :/
CECE CAME?!
HE DIDNT BRING FOOD??? JUST BEER??? I HATE NICK SO MUCH
SCHMIDT DROPPED A ROCK ON HIS BACK
im winston and cece on their phones
THEY WENT TO A COUNTRY STORE
nick: where’d you get the cashews
jess: uhh on a bush :)
nick: and the beets?
jess: on a bush :)
coach: and the avocado?
jess: also on a bush :)
jess: uhh on a bush :)
nick: and the beets?
jess: on a bush :)
coach: and the avocado?
jess: also on a bush :)
nick: i feel like how they felt after the first thanksgiving. betrayed
coach: fyi the first thanksgiving was the good one
coach: fyi the first thanksgiving was the good one
schmidt: goodness gracious what are you a sorcerer?!
SHE ATE THE FISH...IM GONNA THROW UP JESS IT WAS OLD AND DEAD AND HE BARELY COOKED IT
schmidt: i’m not smiling, this is the face i make when i listed :)
coach: all your teeth show when you listen?
coach: all your teeth show when you listen?
cece: i’m a 31 yr old model. my last job was a phone sex ad. i played the person calling.
CECE BEING A BARTENDER SJFNDND SHE KEEPS BREAKING SHIT
i hate nick and jess they keep havign sex fantasies
wow. nick passed the bar exam. and then said fuck it
schmidt: i’m in Marketing, winston, the BACKBONE of CAPITALISM
THE BUTT BUMP
nick: im turning off the tap
jess: what tap?
nick: the sex tap
jess: ...but i need my vitamin d
jess: what tap?
nick: the sex tap
jess: ...but i need my vitamin d
NOOO WINSTONS GONNA BE A COP??
i had to stop watching new girl bc they implied winston is going to become a cop
SEE YOU IN HELL BOOMER??
nick: why dont we take things to my bedroom and slow it down??
immediately after
jess: wow that’s the fastest you’ve ever taken
nick: i know, you’re very pretty
immediately after
jess: wow that’s the fastest you’ve ever taken
nick: i know, you’re very pretty
“dont make eyes at me, it won’t work, i’m super gay”
i hate winston and coach shfndndjd theyre so funny... coach keeps calling him bishh
i love how cece just doesnt know what shes doing
nick: do you know any time consuming and free activities at griffith park??
schmidt: gross. suicide?
schmidt: gross. suicide?
SHE ATE SOMEONE ELSES BDAY FOOD
jess, sobbing: DONT FOLLOW ME
THEIR CAKES MERGED ... gay shit
she keeps getting more butter on her popcorn ewwdhhdjdd i hate her
nick loves jess so much...i dont see them breaking up...
I know they break up bc megan fox is a character later but pls tell me they got back together
does hannah simone know shes the most beautiful woman alive
NICK SAID I LOVE YOU...AND JESS FINGER GUNNED.....
nick is always like “YOU’RE JUST SO PRETTY JESS”
WHATS WRONG WITH WINSTON
nick: i dont like when you talk about your car, you get sexual, i can see it in your eyes
FIRE AND ICE
HOW DID THAT WORK IM SCREAMING
IM TROJAN HORSING WITH A BUNCH OF MODELS
PRINCE
jess hanging out w prince is so fucking funnyt
CECE STAYED AT PRINCE’S HOUSE LOL
jess: the only thing im worried about is theres a russian grocery store down the street, and abby has this weird thing about ethnic white people
winston: i dont think women should be allowed to handle money
schmidt: dont look at me. look away. or look right at me.
why is abby so familiar
nick: you’re a garbage person and you should live in a dump with rotten snails
jess: HEY. TOO FAR.
abby: yeah you crossed a line buddy
jess: thats my SISTER
jess: HEY. TOO FAR.
abby: yeah you crossed a line buddy
jess: thats my SISTER
GOD THERES SO MUCH GOING ON I CANT EVEN TWEET AT THIS RATE
WHY R NICKS FEET BLACK
NICK PANTSED WINSTON
cece and coach’s relationship is so funny
why is coach acting Flamboyant sjcndnfnsns
didnt jess say shes weirdly good at volleyball one episode to nick?
nick: im very good on my uhhhhhh
schmidt: ur FEET?
nick: yeah my feet
schmidt: ur FEET?
nick: yeah my feet
cece and her coworker catching a 20 yr old at the bar jsnfdnd
“ive got quite the eye for young boys”
aw they all think winstons yawn is cute LOL
“hes happier than me watching coach watching winston yawn”
WINSTON ACCIDENTALLY CHARMED ALL THE TEENAGE GIRLS
cece can beatbox,,? hot
is that oscar from the office
CECE STARTED DANCING AND SCHMIDT GOT A BONER ... GOD
“my first sexual feelings were about teenage simba”
kat: that’s me naked
jess: that’s me with a guy that looks like larry king
jess: that’s me with a guy that looks like larry king
CHOCOLATE POCKET
i like coach LOL
nick: i hope laurie and mitchell cant have kids
everyone: super dark man
everyone: super dark man
barb is filipino i just kno it
schmidt has an asian fetish we been knew
god why r they all so weird about getting high
embarassing i hate these hags
cece’s high ass: i’d totally go to party on your BUTT!
nick, ten times: we’re gonna go
CECE IN THE BACKGROUNDSJFJDJS SHES JUST DMILING TO HERSELF AND STSRING INTO SPACE
wall to wall cops this is so bad
schmidt: we found ur son hes ALIVE
CECE STARING AT A FENCE
CECE IS SO FUNNY SHE JUST BE STANDING THENEIELD
CECE JUST WALKED UP TO A MAN AND STARTED TELLING HIM HER LIFE STORY
cece: i would love for you to share ... share...what you think i should do with my life?
dog:
cece: am i boring you now?
dog:
cece: am i boring you now?
jess: i gotta go i have hockey practice im center wing they really need me
schmidt: the point of dating is to keep on dating. its like burning fossil fuels
CECE AND COACH HUMMING POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE....NICK BEATBOXING...
WHY WAS THE DOG THERE
hes a comedy msgician....fjfkdk
my mom: Dont u get tired of this new girl
HER DADS DATING A GIRL FROM JESS’ HS
so shes worried that her dads gonna get hurt and not the fact that her dads dating a girl the same age as her daughter..
