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"Bilikisu" was my nickname when I was a kid because I blinked a lot and faster when nervous. Now the thing with labels, be it nicknames or comments, they can stick. If they're not positive, they can wreak havoc with a kid's self-esteem.
Okay, so we can't do a huge amount about the occasional snipe from other kids. We can, however, put a veto on adult comments that undermine our kid, even if they're said quite innocently. Well, let's bounce them back!
"Is she a bit shy?"... " Oh no, she's a great thinker."
"Is she a bit shy?"... " Oh no, she's a great thinker."
It's empowering when we replace old stereotypes with more positive labels. Instead of 'feisty', think 'assertive'. Instead of 'noisy', think 'sociable'. Instead of 'intense', think 'intelligent'.
Just in case you've had a quick swig of thought, "Oh, she's one of those who whitewash everything with sparkly positives to make everyone feel better"- well no. I'm the first in the queue dealing with bad habits that a variation of my kids pick up.
However, having a positive spin on your kids is simply refusing to let stereotypes settle on them at such a young age. They ARE work in progress, and if their parents don't believe in them, who will?
And oh, flattery is not encouragement. Cooing over everything your child does throughout the day will dilute the words and have no benefit. Praise has to be deserved.
A secret: Kids know when they have earned praise and when they haven't; they can smell empty praise a mile away.
A secret: Kids know when they have earned praise and when they haven't; they can smell empty praise a mile away.
Like the most of us experience with kids- sibling rivalry for example, and the older one deserved a praise, rather than gushing, "You're so great", it's better to be specific: "I noticed how you kept your cool then. You're going from strength to strength as a big brother."
In the busyness of life, it's so easy to miss the opportunities for genuine recognition.
Here's a subtle reminder: Miss them and they will certainly happen less and less. This isn't a time to be slow on the uptake; seize the moment for encouragement and give it all you've got!
Here's a subtle reminder: Miss them and they will certainly happen less and less. This isn't a time to be slow on the uptake; seize the moment for encouragement and give it all you've got!
