Gather round, folks. It's time for me to rate the state quarters!

On the one hand, it's cool that this quarter appears to be commemorating a horse named caesar Rooney, but it makes me sad that nothing else exciting has ever happened in Delaware for them to put on a quarter
3/10

I want to know everything about this lady and her really complicated weapon. I assume she is a pennsylvania themed superhero, in that little symbol on the left is her peoples symbol for hope
10/10

I hate washington Crossing the Delaware. The painting gives me weird feelings in my soul and I can’t explain it
1/10

Good use of the peach emoji
7/10

I'm pretty sure this tree is to Connecticut what the whomping willow is to Hogwarts

Oh sorry, 10/10 for Connecticut and it's magical tree

Massachusetts, home of the little green army man factory. Nothing most exciting thing to put on a quarter. I would've gone with the New England aquarium because penguins
3/10

Maryland has made a mistake by assuming I will have any interest in this building
2/10

I don't know what that bird is, but I'm pretty sure it's going to eat South Carolina.
10/10 good use of a kaiju

I want to give this quarter 10/10 for advertising the most recent diehard movie, live free or die hard, but they missed the last word so…
4/10

I hate boats almost as much as I hate colonialism, however Virginia has managed to win me over because the two little boats look like they are baby ducklings following their mom
8/10

The Statue of Liberty is not even technically in New York, and I have to take points off for not including anything from upstate, like… raccoons and cows and my friend Betty
0/10

North Carolina did not have to include that little footstool, but it did and it makes me happy for some reason
8/10

Not a single road, not a single island.
0/10

YES, YES. DRAIN THE TREES OF THEIR SWEET BLOOD.
10/10

Let me explain why Kentucky is getting a 20/10… first, that looks like the house from the hilltop in The Walking Dead, which makes me happy. Second, horse.

I can't read music, but I am going to go out on a limb and assume that is the sheet music for Never Gonna Give You Up
9/10

Did aliens steal the clipart from north Carolina's quarter and engrave it on to Ohio? Ancient astronaut theorists say yes
5/10 for plagiarism

Louisiana looks like a sock
6/10

"Why is there a SPACE STATION in Indiana?" my brain said upon seeing this quarter. It's just a weird racecar
2/10, don't disappoint me like that

I like the choice of font, but then I remembered that I'm still mad the movie steel magnolias was not about robot trees
4/10

I'm pretty sure this quarter depicts Abraham Lincoln traveling through time and stepping through a portal shaped like Illinois
11/10

I will be back later or tomorrow or something with more states

Sorry, here is Indiana's quarter

10/10 for disability rep!

Lighthouse used hyperbeam!
4/10 it's not very effective

10/10 I love the gateway arch because it is an important part of my novella and that has made me decide to love it forever

I love Arkansas because at first you're like… yeah, random nature scene, cool duck. But then! FLOATING SKY DIAMOND!
10/10

"Hey, you know what’s the best thing about Michigan? All of the not-Michigan wetness surrounding it"
-the coin designer, who is obviously a mermaid
6/10

10/10 for space, 0/10 for boats, 8/10 for the island where major Nelson found Jeannie's bottle
6/10 average

1/10 I expect the state quarters to tell me something I don't know about Texas, and this is exactly what I, who knows nothing about Texas, would put on a quarter about Texas

You guys… the magical tree from Connecticut had a baby and they sent it to Iowa!
9/10 (no wheelchair ramp in front of tiny Iowa Hogwarts)

COW. CHEESE. CORN. I am a fan of all of these things
20/10

That guy is pretty calm for someone about to get his face fucked up by a bird
8/10

Did not expect so many bird kaiju on the state quarters.
10/10, watch out boat fellas!

At first glance this appears to be a boring ass lake, but it appears to be called crater lake and that is mildly exciting
4/10.

Sorry. The lake was so boring I actually forgot to include the picture. Demoting it to 3/10. Sorry, Oregon

I want to give Kansas 0/10 because it did not include one Wizard of Oz reference but instead I'm giving it 0/10 because it has a bison and my friends had bison on their farm and they put them where the trampoline used to be and I'm still bitter about that

0/10 if you're talking about bridges and West Virginia, I expect Mothman to be involved

Points for subverting the expectations and giving us horses instead of las Vegas, but I'm concerned the sun is going super nova
8/10

The sun is going super nova in Nebraska, as well. I was going to give it points for being the place in close encounters of the third kind. But it's not that place, is it
2/10

0/10 do better, Colorado

Why do so many 2006 quarters feature the sun going super nova.
2/10 interesting conspiracy, but bison again (that field in my friends farm was perfectly fine housing our trampoline. We didn't need bison)

10/10 although I want to be clear: it gets -90 points for glorifying carving white assholes into sacred land and 100 points for featuring what appears to be an archaeopteryx

The giant skull in the sky scares me. And I kind of like it
7/10

FISH KAIJU
30/10

Peregrine falcon kaiju gonna nom all the potatoes
100/10

0/10 that horse does not want to be ridden, Jim

It looks like God is trying to use a sword to stop these two trains from colliding.
7/10 good idea, God, but swords are not cushioned?

By the way, Utah is the reason I'm doing this list. I made the mistake of googling the golden spike because research and it led me down this rabbit hole

Birds and flowers. My grandma would like this. Loses some points because not a single mention of the Broadway musical
7/10

0/10 not a single crashed UFO

The sun is continuing to go super nova and you can barely even see that it's the Grand Canyon
3/10

Holy shit. This bear kaiju just ate the fish kaiju from the Washington coin
50/10

At first I thought he was giving the middle finger to the Europeans. It's a cool design, but kind of a disappointment after that
6/10

Wikipedia tells me there are more commemorative coins for me to rate. I will do this some other time. In the meantime, if you want to post your country’s coinage for me to rate, have at it!

You know what, screw it. Here's some more quarters

If you ask me to design a quarter for Washington DC, I probably would have chosen abraham Lincoln kaiju. So this is a little disappointing, but points for originality
5/10

I have no idea what I'm looking at but I'm pretty sure if I go in that building, there will be a Myst style puzzle that I will never solve
4/10

Well now I know what Guam looks like. Slightly concerned over the flying boat, and curious what the other thing in the bottom right is
6/10

I'm confused about what I'm seeing but I am also very intrigued by the …Colosseum? And the… feather sticks?
6/10 I need to learn more about American Samoa

Aw yeah we got another kaiju bird
10/10

There is so much going on here and I don't know what that thing on the left is and I don't know if those are regular birds or if they are kaiju
6/ 10

Apparently there is something called"America the beautiful" quarters. I will get around to those at some point

America the beautiful quarters!

Apparently these are national parks or something? This one looks like a magical fountain where you go to refill your hearts in Zelda
8/10

We know how I feel about bison
3/10

Photo bombed by a dead tree
3/10

We already have a quarter with the Grand Canyon on it, but this one gets points for actually looking like the Grand Canyon
5/10

Remember that episode of the Magic School Bus about erosion? This mountain makes me think of the mountain in that episode
12/10

I don't think the little man on top of the statue understands how guns work. You don't throw them, albert!
2/10

Anything with the mountain goat instantly receives 14 points
14/10

YES! This elk is fabulous and she knows it and I want to pet her and I want to name her Matilda and I want to ride her valiantly into battle
/10 matilda is perfect

Correction: that might actually be a caribou. My rating still stands

Wait no. I'm pretty sure that is an elk. I know people are going to tell me one way or another. I don't care. Her name is Matilda and she doesn't like labels

What is this! I think I like boats now? This is one bad ass bro. And that was supposed to say boat but I agree with my typo.
10/10 would ride valiantly into battle when Matilda gets tired

Oh joy, a bridge, that was sarcasm
3/10

These two are up to something
11/10

I have zero clue what I'm looking at because I'm not letting myself research the thing is depicted on these quarters. But I will definitely research this because I am intrigued
7/10

10/10 would absolutely solve the murder of the lighthouse keeper

I have two words for this quarter: fuck. yes.
12/10 I love volcanoes omg

Mountain goat instant 14 points
14/10

I'm pretty sure my mom did this Bob Ross painting when I was little
9/10

Who is this fabulous gay man and what season of project runway did he win
12/10 thank you, mood

At first I thought those rocks were skulls and now I'm disappointed
2/10

I think this is the national anthem, Which makes me think of baseball
0/10

-70/10 should be -100 for carving white assholes into sacred land, but it kind of looks like that one dude is crying tears made of living humans so I gave it to 30 points it really doesn't deserve

I don't trust that bird
2/10

This coin is so boring, even the guy in the coin is bored
1/10 maybe add a dinosaur next time

I was promised multiple arches and only received one
3/10 would probably not buy again

I just have a horrible feeling that these people are not going to make it back alive
4/10 you are a commemorative coin, not an episode of dateline

I just want to point out, i'm not trying to be funny. I'm giving my honest first reaction and it's making me realize how weird of a brain I have

Hell yeah, giant birds!
17/10

I took one look at this coin and I said, "I don't know what it is, I don't care what it is, but I know for a fact it is something to do with Nebraska"
7/10 very on brand, Nebraska

Turkey kaiju!
300/10 (I may have actually said "Oh fuck" out loud upon seeing this, so hats off to the US mint)

I do not trust the size of those flowers
5/10

I feel like the Everglades already covered this, but no way am I gonna give a low score to giant birds that could murder me in my sleep
20/10 nice birdies

This is quite a departure from nature and buildings. I'm not sure how I feel about it
5/10

Remember that magical sand that was dry out of water but in water, you could build stuff with it? This looks like that. Also: bird!
8/10

Another person who doesn't know how to hold a gun. Also I thought it said Cumberland GAY and now I'm disappointed
2/10

At first I thought I might learn something about the national parks by doing this.

I have learned absolutely nothing

I feel like I should be doing something more important but I am tired but cannot sleep so…

I'm getting conflicting information about what I'm looking at and who owns it
1/10 I don't even care

Excuse you Sir. You are not a national park, you are just a Robin Williams character
10/10, but please know all of those points are for the horse

Me looking at the thumbnail for this coin: is he playing golf? Is he an astronaut?
Me looking at the full-size coin: I still don't know what he's doing. Maybe he's the colorguard?
2/10

I understand this is probably something very important to native peoples. I am not trying to make fun of it in any way, shape, or form.

But my brain has decided it looks like a kaiju burial ground
500/10

I have not gotten much sleep this week, so please take that into account before you laugh at me when I say I swear to God, when I saw the thumbnail for this coin I thought it was Bob Ross
7/10

Bad things happened in this house
3/10

It's like that movie about the mouse, but with people
8/10

I have no idea who these people are or what they're doing, but I don't trust any of them
0/10

That is one cool rock
8/10

The last known photo of Larry the kayaker
3/10

And that might actually be a canoe. I do know the difference; my dad used to sell them. I'm just not scrolling back up to look or change it

I love me a waterfowl that looks like it's up to no good
11/10

Look there's like 10 more of these and I scrolled ahead to look at some of them and boy howdy. There are some really weird ones up ahead. But we will do those tomorrow.

I also vaguely recall being at a CVS one time and I got change, and one of them was a nickel with like… history on it? I am really tired right now. I think what I'm trying to say is I will also consider rating those

Kaiju bird, wet edition
20/10

I understand this is very unlikely to be Marie curie. But I don’t super care.
84/10

This looks like an exciting ya book
8/10

I don't like war on my money
0/10

Yay heraldry! Like most teenage girls, I went through a heraldry phase, so I quite appreciate this coin
10/10

I did not know there was a Birdbox coin
8/10h

No but for real? I was going to make a joke about how this guy is never coming back from this little boat trip. But the coin is literally called river of no return, so it kind of took the fun out of it for me

20/20 would pet

I realize I said 20/20 instead of 20/10. That was an accident but I'm pretending it was on purpose because there are two of them

Knowing absolutely nothing about art, this reminds me of that painting of the zombie girl crawling towards the house. And I realize she's probably not a zombie but I don't really care either
10/10 be careful, artist man, there are zombies!

Christina's World. That's the painting.

This tree is up to something
11/10

I can't even fully articulate what I mean by this thought, but:
If Shirley Jackson's The Lottery was about trees
15/10 very spooky, I do not trust that little girl

Butterfly. Kaiju.
100/10

Oh shit. That butterfly gets even more awesome. It's called a regal fritillary.

I wish I was called a regal fritillary

This one is apparently not even a coin yet. Just a design.
I like it, I like the history. Not a huge fan of "They fought two wars" since that implies they did NOT fight a secret war against all the kaiju birds
9/10

OK, and that is the last of the America The Beautiful coin series. But I am enjoying this and there are a ton more commemorative coins that need ratings, so I will be back later or tomorrow or something.

It's time to start rating the American Innovation dollar coins!

Very nice steampunk aesthetic
8/10

Aw yeah. My girl Annie Jump Cannon.
9/10

Nice geometric design. Hooray for vaccines
8/10

Fuck this coin. Thomas Edison, a.k.a. The Wizard Of Asshole Park, does not get any points for this lightbulb.
-/10 #TeamTesla

It's fun to pretend that hand is a disembodied hand like from the Addams family
7/10