i have a really weird perspective on racism

i've grown up in an overwhelmingly white conservative suburb my whole life and im basically playing catch-up on everything normal folks already know

i try really hard to listen to experts and poc on how modern racism and decolonialism works, it's just very difficult for me because i've grown up knowing literally 3 poc so i lack any of the personal, experienced understanding most people have

also im aware of the fact i most likely have a lot of subconscious biases i don't understand enough about to confront yet

just please don't call me racist unless i do something shitty because i get very anxious about it and it upsets me if i can't see what i did wrong

it's also kinda scary learning about this stuff because i get really worried about people assuming i act maliciously when i don't, or people thinking im asking a question sarcastically. thankfully i've usually been given the benefit of the doubt by some very nice folks on here

basically, please be patient with me im a cracker