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It’s early in the season & your team are having an awful start.
No decent signings over the summer, injuries stacking up & confusion on & off the pitch.
You have a new manager who keeps saying everything will be just fine. And you want to believe him.
No decent signings over the summer, injuries stacking up & confusion on & off the pitch.
You have a new manager who keeps saying everything will be just fine. And you want to believe him.
Things are going from bad to worsePainful to watch
Leaking goals at the back
No creativity up front
Baffling team selection
Incomprehensible tactics & formation
Fans getting restless
Hopefully we’ll sign some top players in the transfer window.
The transfer window comes & goes with no signingsThen reports from the dressing room reveal that the players don’t EVEN have the proper kit
Frustration is building with the manager, but he injures himself on the training ground & ends up in hospital.
Bottom of the league & you think things can’t get any worse.Then comes news that the team didn’t do any pre-season training.
The manager had cancelled it to go to the Caribbean with his girlfriend.
He comes out of hospital & talks about “success”!
After another 5-0 drubbing the manager & faces the pressQ. What’s gone wrong?
A. We’re ramping up
Q. Will you apologise?
A. I’m sorry if people feel there have been failings
Q. But you’re bottom of the league?
A. It’s too early to judge. Wait until the end of the season
”That’s not what I was saying!”The pundit that the manager referred to in his press conference to back up his argument that comparisons with other teams can’t be made & talk about performance isn’t valid until the end of the season, slams him on TV.
Some players & backroom staff aren’t happy.They’ve known about ‘the strategy’ - drawn-up by the manager’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ - all along.
Hearing about this, the ‘Director’ comes into the dressing room for a motivational team talk.
https://vine.co/v/Ow9Qx9H6Ked
Your team is STILL bottom of the league.The manager comes out & tells the fans again that they’re wrong to judge the team’s performance until the end of the season.
Until then, they should “contain their impatience.”
#PMQs #PMQ #BorisJohnson #COVID
#SCANDAL Footage emerges of the manager at the start of the season telling club shareholders:“If the team do really badly this year, then we’ll be able to sack the chair, sell the club to a Saudi Prince, completely restructure & emerge like Superman.”
With mounting media criticism, the manager sends backroom staff to post-match press conferences.Asked why management are now refusing to talk about the fact the team are bottom of the League, the physio says:
"I'm absolutely delighted to discuss it.”
A v respected football pundit says on #MOTD:“When this manager says optimism, he means he hasn't got any ideas. When he says we need to be positive, he means he has no plan. When he says it's very simple, he means he hasn't read any of the detail.”
Fans are getting angry, threatening to burn their season tickets.Loyal fanzines are starting to ask difficult questions.
Assistant manager, Gove, speaks: “Our return to the top will be staggered...& so will you be when you find out what we’re up to.”
A ban on players talking to the media has silenced the ‘lack-of-proper-equipment’ scandal.But the shocking goal difference won’t go away & isn’t helped when the trainer says it’s “hundred thousand, & thirty four, nine hundred & seventy four thousand."
Still rooted to the bottom of the table & with multiple scandals mounting, the manager makes a rare public appearance.“Our defence may be conceding the most goals but they offer a ‘protective ring’ around the keeper. Talk of relegation is negative.”
News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTD
Stuck in the relegation zone, with scandals piling up on & off the pitch, the manager announces he will sign a “world beating” player on 1 June: Lionel Messi.Messi doesn’t show up!
The manager says: “I signed him but he won’t start for 3 or 4 months.
“Bottom of the league” isn’t like #Arsenal or #Liverpool facing relegation from the Premiership. It’s like them being at the bottom of the Conference below Borehamwood FC.
In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.
In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.
Questioned in a post-match press conference after another 7-1 loss, the manager employs Arsene Wenger’s “I didn’t see it” tactic.
“I only heard about #MarcusRashford’s campaign today,” he claims.
Does anyone believe him? #FreeSchoolMeals #BorisJohnson
“I only heard about #MarcusRashford’s campaign today,” he claims.
Does anyone believe him?
#FreeSchoolMeals #BorisJohnson
Car crash interview with the assistant manager.JOURNALIST: Why do the players STILL not have boots? How can they play against top-class footballers in trainers?
AsstMANAGER: We’re working on it but I want to make sure we get them the very best boots.
Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried up
Gate receipts are down to only the most die hard fans
The best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for sale
So the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fans
The manager does a press conference. He’s upbeatJOURNALIST: Is it true that you still haven’t signed a deal with UEFA?
MANAGER: Yes, but we will have another oven ready deal
JOURNO: But that means teams will lose all their Champions League revenue!
