Read on Twitter
It’s early in the season & your team are having an awful start.
No decent signings over the summer, injuries stacking up & confusion on & off the pitch.
You have a new manager who keeps saying everything will be just fine. And you want to believe him.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Down pointing backhand index" aria-label="Emoji: Down pointing backhand index">
No decent signings over the summer, injuries stacking up & confusion on & off the pitch.
You have a new manager who keeps saying everything will be just fine. And you want to believe him.
Painful to watch
Leaking goals at the back
No creativity up front
Baffling team selection
Incomprehensible tactics & formation
Fans getting restless
Hopefully we’ll sign some top players in the transfer window.
Then reports from the dressing room reveal that the players don’t EVEN have the proper kit
Frustration is building with the manager, but he injures himself on the training ground & ends up in hospital.
Then comes news that the team didn’t do any pre-season training.
The manager had cancelled it to go to the Caribbean with his girlfriend.
He comes out of hospital & talks about “success”!
Q. What’s gone wrong?
A. We’re ramping up
Q. Will you apologise?
A. I’m sorry if people feel there have been failings
Q. But you’re bottom of the league?
A. It’s too early to judge. Wait until the end of the season
The pundit that the manager referred to in his press conference to back up his argument that comparisons with other teams can’t be made & talk about performance isn’t valid until the end of the season, slams him on TV.
They’ve known about ‘the strategy’ - drawn-up by the manager’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ - all along.
Hearing about this, the ‘Director’ comes into the dressing room for a motivational team talk.
The manager comes out & tells the fans again that they’re wrong to judge the team’s performance until the end of the season.
Until then, they should “contain their impatience.”
#PMQs #PMQ #BorisJohnson #COVID
“If the team do really badly this year, then we’ll be able to sack the chair, sell the club to a Saudi Prince, completely restructure & emerge like Superman.”
Asked why management are now refusing to talk about the fact the team are bottom of the League, the physio says:
"I& #39;m absolutely delighted to discuss it.”
“When this manager says optimism, he means he hasn& #39;t got any ideas. When he says we need to be positive, he means he has no plan. When he says it& #39;s very simple, he means he hasn& #39;t read any of the detail.”
Loyal fanzines are starting to ask difficult questions.
Assistant manager, Gove, speaks: “Our return to the top will be staggered...& so will you be when you find out what we’re up to.”
But the shocking goal difference won’t go away & isn’t helped when the trainer says it’s “hundred thousand, & thirty four, nine hundred & seventy four thousand."
“Our defence may be conceding the most goals but they offer a ‘protective ring’ around the keeper. Talk of relegation is negative.”
The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTD
News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">News leaks that the team’s Machiavellian ‘Director of Football’ had not only ignored the strict rules against gambling on matches but had bet on the team to lose.The manager defends him: “it’s not as if he was shagging about” he says. #Dom #DominicCummings #ClassicDom #MOTDhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
Messi doesn’t show up!
The manager says: “I signed him but he won’t start for 3 or 4 months.
“Bottom of the league” isn’t like #Arsenal or #Liverpool facing relegation from the Premiership. It’s like them being at the bottom of the Conference below Borehamwood FC.
In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">
In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.
" title="“Bottom of the league” isn’t like #Arsenal or #Liverpool facing relegation from the Premiership. It’s like them being at the bottom of the Conference below Borehamwood FC.In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
" title="“Bottom of the league” isn’t like #Arsenal or #Liverpool facing relegation from the Premiership. It’s like them being at the bottom of the Conference below Borehamwood FC.In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
" title="“Bottom of the league” isn’t like #Arsenal or #Liverpool facing relegation from the Premiership. It’s like them being at the bottom of the Conference below Borehamwood FC.In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
" title="“Bottom of the league” isn’t like #Arsenal or #Liverpool facing relegation from the Premiership. It’s like them being at the bottom of the Conference below Borehamwood FC.In the of global league preparedness for lifting lockdown, the UK is third from bottom: 192nd out of 195.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
Questioned in a post-match press conference after another 7-1 loss, the manager employs Arsene Wenger’s “I didn’t see it” tactic.
“I only heard about #MarcusRashford’s campaign today,” he claims.
Does anyone believe him?https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten"> #FreeSchoolMeals #BorisJohnson
“I only heard about #MarcusRashford’s campaign today,” he claims.
Does anyone believe him?
JOURNALIST: Why do the players STILL not have boots? How can they play against top-class footballers in trainers?
AsstMANAGER: We’re working on it but I want to make sure we get them the very best boots.
Sponsorship deals & TV rights have dried up
Gate receipts are down to only the most die hard fans
The best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for sale
So the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fans
Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">" title="https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👆" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach oben">Failure on the pitch has lead to ruinationSponsorship deals & TV rights have dried upGate receipts are down to only the most die hard fansThe best players have all activated break clauses & the stadium is up for saleSo the Assistant Manager comes to reassure the fanshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten">">
JOURNALIST: Is it true that you still haven’t signed a deal with UEFA?
MANAGER: Yes, but we will have another oven ready deal
JOURNO: But that means teams will lose all their Champions League revenue!
