I'm (re)watching Jupiter Ascending (I know, but we're in lockdown, allow). And this alien race had a black (golden) woman as the head of a chariot that pulls Eddie Redmayne across a gold tiled floor. I mean LOOOOOOOOL

And not a single person in this film understood how to use slow motion, just sprinkling it here there and everywhere, losing all its intended effect

'Bees are genetically designed to recognise royalty' an actual line lool also been don't lie apparently

Sean Bean is doing his darndest to bring some gravitas to this weird space film (ie monologuing) whilst Tanning Chatum is squinting and being shirtless

Sean Bean just made a 'damn budget cuts!' comment about some malfunctioning tech that I think is supposed to be some meta commentary on the film makers maybe not having enough money - I don't care to check, but it's bad whatever its purpose

Tanning Chatum has been shirtless for far too long in this scene

It has been a whole fight scene and teleportation to another planet and Tanning Chatum is STILL shirtless. And Mila Kunis is being asked to touch some regenerated chick's skin

A chase through a galactic palace and this man couldn't find some extraterrestrial curtain curtain to wrap himself in??

58mins in and Mila Kunis asked another character who refers to her as her majesty (as all who know her lineage do) to call her 'Jupe,' despite not asking anyone else in the 57mins preceding to do so, or anyone else doing so of their own free volition

This film just took a trip to a galactic post office to confirm her identity as an 'Entitled,' loool if this film had come out in the last year or so.

The think pieces thay would've been written on group of white folks being called 'Entitled' whilst harvesting the universe

Mila Kunis is asking very few questions for someone who must got told she's the supreme leader of earth and has to fight her vengeful family

Why is her galactic brother/son dressed like a one direction wannabe

A dress and scene change later before Mila Kunis asks where Tanning Chatum has been taken

No one in this film is smart despite being technologically advanced, they're just galactic trust fund people

I remember Eddie Redmayne being bad in this film, but he's had like 4 scenes so far and I'm 1hr 20mins in.

Why did I remember him being worse?

So Jupiter is getting married to her former son and she's really not asking enough questions.

Like damn, you've had 91 millenia of life experience and didn't pick up any skills of discernment

Also why have a fantasy flick and fill it legal jargon, filing documents at the post office and tax codes.

Could be flying on solar winds, surveying the beauty of Jupiter, marveling at space.

And yet, you're here talking about dividends, yields, market share and whatnot

Will capitalism NEVER leave us

Ah there's the Redmayne I remember.

Doing his finest amdram work.

Decibels all over the place.

Sean Bean is working hard boy, I hope they paid him well.

Making a black woman the captain of the 'aegis' as in the protective cover of the system is quite something.....

For all the fantasy in this film, they try and solve the power struggle with common abdication.

Like that was the best idea??

Jupiter likes Tanning Chatum calling her 'your majesty,' I get it

His wings are trash though.

WELP, it was worse than I remember and I enjoyed it loool