PART ONE: On a day when everyone’s arguing online about whether or not Adele is happy about her weight loss (HINT it’s none of our business), I wanted to offer something different.
•
I have hated my body and the way it looks for most of my adult life. (Thread)

Sometimes I’ve hated it outwardly, sometimes I’ve let the shame swallow me inside, robbing me of the peace and joy that I — like every other human — deserves. It’s led me down dark paths at times and allowed me to fall victim to the abuse of others.

A few years ago I began a diet and fitness journey, purely for aesthetic reasons. I wanted to get to a stage where thinking and worrying about my weight was no longer something that took up space in my brain. And I did it, I lost a lot of weight. Five stone in fact.

I had reached the Promised Land! But was I immediately happy?

PART TWO:

Fuck no! Of course I wasn’t! Because now I had to stay thin, which became a full-time job. An obsession — or a disorder (call it what you will). •
At around the same time, I had a mental breakdown. The two were fairly closely linked.

Since then I’ve been in regular therapy, I’ve run three times a week on average, kick-boxed until I my limbs have given out and spinned until my lungs sting. I stronger and fitter than I have ever been.

I have dedicated myself to the practice of Yin yoga to unwind and improve my mobility. I can do the fucking splits.

After a year or two I became unrecognisable to those close to me in terms of my ability to manage my emotions — I finally started to value myself in a way I never had before.

And I fell head over heels in love with exercise and felt a peace in my own skin that had been absent for the preceding 28 years. I also put a lot of the weight back on...

PART THREE:

Why am I telling you this? It’s because though my weight has fluctuated over the past few years, my fitness, strength and power have not. Nor has my dedication and commitment to keeping fit and healthy. Nor has my mental health to any serious degree.

Today marks a huge shift in my life: a feature I wrote is now in issues of @UKWomensHealth up and down the country, alongside photos of me in my leggings and bra for all to see. It is my mission to change the way we view bodies, health and fitness.

I cannot lie and tell you I feel really happy with what I see in these photos — because I — like everyone else — am fighting years of insecurity and the tight grip of social conditioning.

What I can say is this: please never let the size or appearance of your body stop you from doing things you love. I did for too long and I regret it. It ~is~ entirely possible to be big, healthy, bold and beautiful. If I can get there, so can you.

If anyone makes it to a shop please do pick up a copy! The feature is very honest and I poured a lot of my heart into it — and a shitload of vulnerability.

Thanks to the goddess @DervishOKane and the whole team at @UKWomensHealth for helping me to bring this story to print.

Also thanks to @poornabell @hannah_lewin_ @FlykickLondon Dr Joshua Wolrich and all my friends and family for being LEGENDS.

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">

HMU on Insta if you like my lewk: https://www.instagram.com/rosestokes/?hl=en">https://www.instagram.com/rosestoke...

Photos by the incredible @philip_haynes https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with 3 hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with 3 hearts">