Honest biographies

1. Javed Akhtar - A religious communist, politically biased apolitical activist, inarticulate speaker, retired poet and Indian idol judge. Tweets about politics and society and abuses everyone who doesn’t agree with him. Hates grammar and common sense.

2. Barkha Dutt:

Retired journalist who still thinks she is one. Advocate of Pakistan is a good nation theory, loves revealing soldier positions and being parts of tapes. Fired twice. Now runs a news channel from a Scooty and claims to have done the most in-depth reporting.

3. Prashant Bhushan: A human version of a shoddy public interest litigation. 5 blocks lefter than Karl Marx, loves getting hammered by Courts. Failed politician who still runs a failed party with his failed comrade. Blames the world for his misfortunes, hates almost everything.

4. Ravish Kumar - Self proclaimed top journalist of the country, Magsaysay award winning bullshitter who speaks extensively about caste. A crybaby who switches off TV when cornered. Possibly the most cynical man around, pukes all over Facebook after being shooed from Twitter.

5. Rajdeep Sardesai: Stopped growing after 2002. Hates the Sun, oranges, and inners of papayas, loves guavas and green mangoes. A pro-boxer, failed cricketer and part time journalist. Doesn’t mind getting humiliated, smiles when angry. Also called the Mawali of Madison

6. S Vardarajan - Was probably afraid of electric shocks as a child, so like Batman, he decided to make his fear his weapon with “The Wire”. Once a mainstream journo, now runs a fake news factory with most shoddy hitjobs was till date. Offers jobs to rejects, fired and crooked.

7. Rahul Gandhi: An overfed and overgrown cerelac baby being touted as the next big thing by court jesters since time immemorial. Failed history, geography, maths and most other subjects in school. Loves Thailand, Pidi and Pizza. Can disappear at will and stay eternally young.