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"You weight more than your credit score"-Winston 
"Jess: What do you call, top, no pants?
Schmidt: ohh that's like a Winnie the Pooh or a Paddington"
Schmidt: ohh that's like a Winnie the Pooh or a Paddington"
"Schmidt: Just a quick sidebar. We've done it in every room of the apartment.
Jess: Ugh, even my room?
Schmidt: Just the one time"
Jess: Ugh, even my room?
Schmidt: Just the one time"
“Nick: You think she did it on purpose ?
Schmidt: An Indian-Jewish baby, who wouldn’t want that ? Think about the bone structure”
Schmidt: An Indian-Jewish baby, who wouldn’t want that ? Think about the bone structure”
"My penis is having a heart attack"-Schmidt
“Telling me that I look like one of the most handsome men in politics does not hurt my feelings, Winston”-Schmidt
"Nick: Is this bathwater ?
Schmidt: Might as well be, its Rose"
Schmidt: Might as well be, its Rose"
“You and I not being together does not make sense to me”-Schmidt
"Schmidt no ! I don't trust fish, they breath through water, what's that?"-Nick
“We are roommates, who made out a couple times and are attracted to each other and are really good friends. And sometimes genuinely kind of hate each other and sometimes touch each other’s boobs.”- Nick(the show wouldn’t be the same without him )
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“Nick you and Jess didnt workout, okay? www.MoveOn.orgg”-Schmidt
“Why would a guy like Michael Keaton be friends with me anyway ? I guess I’ll always be the fat boy he likes fat boy cheese”-Schmidt
"I remember sticks and stones may break your bones, but not if you're a fat kid with calcium deficiency"-Schmidt
“We are hooking up tonight, all five of us. Do you realize how important this is ? Winter is coming. No one comes home alone.”-Schmidt
"This woman is engaged, her number belongs to God now"-Schmidt
“I simply want a demographic breakdown of all the guys who hit on you. You know jacked dudes, swole dudes, yoked dudes.”-Schmidt
“What in Megyn Kelly’s America are you doing, Nick?”-Schmidt
“It’s called foreplay, you tween. You don’t just buy a Porsche off the lot and immediately enter it on the Groser Preis con Deutschland”-Schmidt
“Schmidt: There was even a week when I pretended you were a Democrat
Cece: I am a democrat
Schmidt: You’re so funny, I love you”
Cece: I am a democrat
Schmidt: You’re so funny, I love you”
“I’ve been doing sex prep all day”-Nick
