30 years of family trauma: a thread

When I was in my early teens, my brother a pre-teen and my sister a toddler, my parents split up. Dad left to go live with his girlfriend, and mom lost her marbles.

Within a few months, my brother's behavior issues led to him moving to dad's.

So for a couple years it was me, mom and little sister at home. Mom proceeded to spend nearly every night at local bars, sometimes not coming home until after daylight the next day, sometimes bringing sketchy men home.

They were disgusting drunken derelicts, all of them.

Dad was paying plenty in child support - I saw the checks. But we were living off very little food because everything went for mom's booze and food. I had to chase off the more violent men despite being a scrawny, scared teen.

Eventually my father sued for custody and won.

Later, when my sister was a young teen and had an abusive boyfriend, dad gave her an ultimatum to break up with him. Instead she moved in with mom, who she knew would tolerate her staying with someone who abused her. It damaged my sister in ways she still hasn't recovered from.

When my brother was in his 20s, my mom slept with one of his close friends.

A year or so ago, when her cancer came back, she begged my brother and I to come with her for an important appointment. When we picked her up, she was blasted out of her gourd on booze or pills, or both.

I could go on, there's a lot more. She tries to pit me and my siblings against one another, lying about things we've supposedly said or done to her. She has no awareness of how lucky she is that any of us still speak to her.

How lucky she was, that is.

My sister is now the only one who speaks to mom, and since I stopped answering mom's calls and texts, she's making my sister's life a nightmare. I feel awful that she has to endure that, but I won't let her use us as hostages against each other anymore.

My mother gave me life. She was basically my whole world for my first decade of existence.

Today, she is arguably the most toxic person I have ever known. She thinks the word "mom" gives her carte blanche to treat us like excrement and still deserve our love.

I renounce her.

I am now accepting applications for a new mom. If you always wanted a daughter and never had one, I'm your gal. AND, my wife and I are trying to have kids, so you might get to be a grandma, too!

This is a serious appeal. I need a maternal figure in my life. It's been so long ...

Ideally, my new mom will be in her 60s or 70s, and trans. She'll be OK with it being long-distance most of the time. She'll be OK with the fact that my wife and I don't have much disposable income, and that gifts at each holiday will be more from the heart than the wallet.

Maybe this is dumb and no one will reply or even notice. That's OK, just putting it out there makes me feel better. I will find my new mom, whether it's on Twitter or somewhere else, and I'm going to give her a big hug until I burst with happiness.