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so apparently may is both mental health and borderline personality awareness month and i felt like i should talk about it a little bit, for the sake of awareness since bpd is still super stigmatized and misunderstood.
i wasn’t diagnosed with bpd until last year, and only because i told my doctor i suspected it after reading so much about it, but looking back, there’s so many things that at least to me are such obvious symptoms and indications of what was going on.
i’m just gonna straight up post the DSM-5 criteria for bpd; you don’t need to have all of them to be diagnosed but personally i’m dealing with pretty much all of them, more or less.
i guess i’m also more of a what you’d call quiet borderline, which is why not a lot of people, even people close to me, know about it, because i tend to keep things to myself and internalize everything rather than act out, at least enough that people don’t really notice.
that’s not to say that i never act out (my ER bills, long sleeves and lost friendships prove otherwise) or that my bpd tendencies don’t show when dealing with other people for example, but for me a big part of it is just all the shit that goes on in my head.
people with bpd also have about 10% suicide rate, and 80% have history of attempts. and honestly i get it and i have been there too, because living with this can be really overwhelming and exhausting.
i haven’t really gotten into DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) yet (i started in january but ended up quitting because my depression said no) so i’m mostly just trying to deal with it by myself, which is far from easy.
like, all the emotional parkour from one extreme to another, the chronic emptiness, constant identity crisis, dissociation, splitting on people i love... all that shit is already hard to deal with just in my own head, without letting other people know what’s going on.
but then partially because of the stigma, i’m also constantly overthinking and overanalyzing everything i do and say to try to avoid being as toxic and manipulative and people say borderlines are, and still i feel like i’m just a bad person and just hurting everyone around me.
and i mean, with a lot of time and effort and constantly practicing DBT skills, bpd can be managed and you can have a relatively normal life, but it’s still something that can’t be cured, something i’m gonna be stuck with for the rest of my life.
anyway. i didn’t mean to make such a long thread and i had to take so many breaks because talking about this stuff is hard and it’s scary getting this out there. and mind you, i’m just talking from my own experience, but hopefully someone learns something from this, i guess?
i’m also gonna retweet a couple other tweets and threads that maybe get into this a little better than i did
this hits hard
