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For children of immigrants, there's a number of reasons why it may be difficult to show up wholly and authentically in your everyday life and relationships. >>
1. You may not have been taught how to handle failure or setbacks and/or you may not have been taught that quitting, walking away, or saying no can be acts of strength. These may manifest themselves as you "powering through" even when it's unhealthy or you're unhappy.
2. You may have been (and may still be) constantly compared to your peers so it may be difficult to genuinely support others' success without it feeling like you failed in some capacity. Or this may manifest itself as struggling to trust others to hold your own ideas & goals.
3. You may have been taught and modeled that happiness derives from what you can show for what you've done. So your self-worth may be tied to your ability to obtain material things and it may be hard to be content in the present moment and fulfilled with what you already have.
4. You watched your parents chase security & safety in this country, so you may avoid taking chances or pursuing unconventional paths even if they're what will make you happy or live authentically as you.
5. You may curate parts of your image and how you act / what you say for certain environments because you fear your wholeness being rejected -- by either your desi community because you're not desi enough or your American community because you're still categorized as an "other."
6. You may have been expected to always aspire for the next milestone/thing/goal. This may be why your self-worth is tied to your productivity and why it's hard for you to celebrate the small wins and honor your Big successes as something earned.
7. If/when you do pursue something your parents don't understand or don't initially support, you're often incessantly questioned & have to continuously prove that it makes you happy and it was the right choice for you. This can make it hard to find peace within your choices.
8. Your parents navigated a new life, country, & culture w/o any guidance. As such, they may believe you shouldn't need help, & if you do they will have the answers. So not only have you never been taught how to ask for help, it may feel like you're failing your parents if you do
Identifying our experiences is the first step, but remember: You are enough & whole as you are. If you need to ask for help, you're not letting anyone down. Your joys deserve to be celebrated. You are allowed to slow down & find happiness within. You are more than what you do.
