Namkook • Desire
established, canon-compliant where jungkook is 35 years old and namjoon is 38. they're married but they rarely have sex anymore and jungkook gets self-conscious about it.

Jungkook wakes up to an empty bed again. Namjoon's side is still warm and when Jungkook rolls into it, it smells like him too. He can hear Namjoon rustling around in the kitchen, probably grabbing leftover of what they had for dinner last night.

He could get up, he'd probably have enough time to make Namjoon a proper breakfast before he heads to the studio but he's too tired to get out of bed. He had a show two nights ago and his body is still feeling it.

Before Jungkook can even think about calling out to Namjoon, to wish him a good day, he hears the door open then close followed by the soft sound of their dog making his way back to the bedroom to keep Jungkook company.

"It's just you and me, Kyu," Jungkook says when the dog jumps on the bed and curls up by his side.

Jungkook hates to complain. He understands the work, they've been doing this for so long that he knows what it entails but he can't help feeling lonely.

Jungkook tries to rationalize, telling himself that Namjoon is probably working on the songs for his second solo album. That eventually things will slow down again, that they'll be able to consider starting a family.

Things they both want but don't talk about.

But when he ends up jerking off alone in the shower again, head pressed against the cold tile and the warm water washing away any evidence of his orgasm, that's when he breaks.

Tears, tired tears, frustrated tears, lonely tears, fall down his cheeks as his cock softens and he washes the rest of his body.

Jungkook misses his husband, he misses their playfulness and the way Namjoon couldn't seem to take his hands from him when they first got together.

He misses Namjoon's hands on him, misses the needy kisses and the fire that seems to have slowly died down with the years.

Jungkook cries in the shower until the water gets cold and he cries as he cooks himself a large bowl of ramyun for comfort.

He cries too, as he texts Namjoon to ask him to be home for dinner because he's cooking his favourite meal.

Namjoon says he'll be there but Jungkook isn't sure he'll remember to. He doesn't want to get his hopes up.

Jungkook's day is slow. He takes a long walk with Kyu, considers working out but he knows his body won't like it so instead he takes a long bath to ease his muscle aches.

Once his hair is dried, he makes his way to the grocery store to pick up some of the items he's missing and then heads home to start dinner prep.

He makes japchae with beef and takes what's left of his mom's kimchi out. Namjoon's favourite. Jungkook really hopes he won't forget.

So much for getting his hopes up. He sighs but sets up the table anyways, candles in the middle and the new succulent plant he bought for Namjoon on his way home for the grocery store.

There's a bottle of soju as well, chilling in a bucket of ice, ready to be consumed.

Jungkook checks the time on his phone and sits at the table, telling himself that Namjoon is probably on his way.

Kyu is waiting diligently by the door, hoping to see Namjoon walk in as well. He's ready to jump all over him excitedly.

An hour passes by, the food gets cold. The dog is sleeping now, still by the door and Jungkook checks his phone again.

No text.

He swallows the thick lump in his throat and wills himself not to cry again. He'll wait a bit more, maybe he got held up by something.

Two hours and Jungkook is eating the cold Japchae, struggling to swallow around the tightness. The dog has given up waiting now and is back at his feet, curled up with his small head on Jungkook's sock.

Jungkook sighs and drops a piece of meat to the floor for Kyu.

He cleans up his plate and blows out the candle but leaves the unopened bottle of soju and Namjoon's untouched plate on the table. If he's going to be stood up, at least he'll make Namjoon feel bad about it.

Jungkook curls up in bed and lets Kyu take Namjoon's spot, some warmth to help him fall asleep.

He hears Namjoon come home, a few hours later, hears him eat and clean up the kitchen, feels the bed dip as Namjoon shoes the dog off the mattress to climb in.

He pretends to be asleep, pretends he doesn't hear Namjoon's apology and feel the lips on his forehead.

Jungkook doesn't want to deal with that tonight. Maybe tomorrow, if Namjoon is there when he wakes up but tonight he's afraid he'll say things he'll regret.

Namjoon is there when he wakes up, still in bed but already working. Jungkook watches the way his chin is pushed forward and how his eyes are furrowed in concentration. He moves his attention to Namjoon's fingers, the way they work so naturally over the keyboard.

He's still mad, still hurt too much to wake up and pretend like nothing happened so he rolls out of bed and before Namjoon even has the time to say good morning, he locks himself in the bathroom for a shower.

Jungkook takes his time, half-hoping Namjoon will be gone when he comes out because he's not ready to face him just yet.

He isn't. When Jungkook walks out of the bathroom, hair still wet and body damp, Namjoon is still in bed but there's a coffee cup on Jungkook's side table.

"Good morning," Namjoon says, shutting off his laptop.

"Morning," Jungkook mumbles. He takes the coffee but doesn't sit back on the bed, just stands by the edge of it and waits for Namjoon to continue.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"It's fine," Jungkook shrugs before taking a sip of the lukewarm coffee.

"It's not," Namjoon looks like he's about to start saying something else but his phone starts ringing.

"Take it, it's probably important," Jungkook wants out of this conversation anyways

"Can we have a do-over? Tonight? I'll bring your favourite take out on my way back from the studio," Namjoon asks, reaching for his phone.

"Yeah sure," Jungkook gets dressed quickly.

Jungkook wants to go for a run. He knows he shouldn't, his knee will hurt and he has another show in two days but he needs to run.

He doesn't want to go anywhere specific but he needs to let off some steam.

"I'm going for a run, lock the doors on your way out," Jungkook states just as Namjoon picks up the phone.

"But your knee," Namjoon frowns in concern.

Jungkook doesn't bother with an answer, not even a look as he ties his shoes and grabs what he needs before heading out.

Jungkook runs without a clear set path or purpose. He turns on random streets, runs on the same paths a few times and somehow his feet take him all the way back to their old dorm.

The building where Jimin and Taehyung still live.

He's not exactly sure he wants to go in, so many memories that are attached to it. Like the first time Namjoon kissed him in the kitchen of their dorm or the first time they held hands in public, although safely hidden, in the park of the community.

Jungkook takes a deep breath, tells himself to stop being so dramatic and calls Jimin to see if he's home.

"Well if it isn't Jeon Jungkook," Jimin says when he opens the door to his and Taehyung's apartment. Jimin's smile is big and happy, Jungkook tries to return it.

It probably isn't too convincing because Jimin's face changes and he frowns a bit as he lets Jungkook in.

"What's wrong?" Jimin asks, pulling Jungkook into a hug as the door closes.

"Nothing's wrong," Jungkook sighs, burying his face in the comfort of Jimin's neck.

"I've known you for more than 20 years Jungkook, I can tell when something is wrong," Jimin squeezes him a little tighter before leading him to the living room. "Talk to me. Is it Namjoon?"

Jungkook can't help the small laugh that falls out of his lips.

Is it Namjoon? Or are Jungkook's expectations of his husband too high?

As Jimin sits on the couch, Jungkook lays down with his head in his lap. Just like old times. Jimin's fingers are in his hair, soothing as always and he waits for Jungkook to speak.

"Maybe? I don't know," Jungkook sighs, letting himself enjoy the feeling of Jimin's fingernails against his scalp. "Hyung, do you and Tae still have sex?"

Jimin chokes on his saliva, coughing a little and brings his hand out of Jungkook's hair to cover his face.

"What?" Jimin squawks, shocked a bit by the question.

"Sorry, that was a bit blunt," Jungkook sighs. "It's just, it kind of feels like Namjoon doesn't really want me anymore. He stood me up last night."

Jimin frowns, hand back in Jungkook's hair, smoothing it back.

"He stood you up?"

"I asked him to be home for dinner, cooked his favourite meal and took a bottle of soju out and he just, didn't show." Jungkook shuts his eyes closed, trying to keep his breathing under control.

"I'm sorry," Jimin sighs, using his other hand to rub Jungkook's arm gently. "Did you talk to him about this? About how you feel?"

Jungkook shakes his head bringing his arm over his face to cover it. He doesn't want to cry in front of Jimin.

"I'm still upset about last night, so I went for a run," Jungkook says, voice a little shaky.

"A run?" Jimin groans, pinching his arm. "You're supposed to be taking it easy!"

"I know, I know," Jungkook sighs, opening his eyes to look at Jimin.

Jungkook knows he's not supposed to run, knows ever since his surgery that everyone worries about him, but running clears his mind. It's all he has to calm his busy mind.

"Jungkook," Jimin says, making him sit up. Jungkook groans but follows, sitting so he's facing Jimin.

"I know, it was dumb but I just... I needed to not think for a little bit," Jungkook lets Jimin take his hands, sighs when he runs his thumb over his skin.

"I get that," Jimin nods, squeezing his hands. "But you can't hurt yourself either. You need to talk to your husband."

Jungkook nods, eyes brimming with tears. He lets Jimin pull him forward in a hug, lets Jimin soothe him with his hand rubbing his back.

"I don't want to make excuses for him, he doesn't deserve it but I also know Namjoon isn't the best at reading between the lines."

"So you need to be straightforward with him," Jimin continues. "Tell him how you feel, why you're hurting."

Jungkook nods again, face pressed in the nook of Jimin's neck.

"When did you get so wise?" Jungkook asks, pulling away and wiping his eyes.

"I was always wise, you just never noticed before," Jimin says with a laugh. "And for the record, we do. Still have sex, lots of it, especially on this couch you're sitting on."

"Hyung!" Jungkook makes a face at him, pushing at his shoulder. "Gross."

"Do you want to stay for dinner? Taehyung's away for a shoot," Jimin asks and Jungkook is tempted to say yes but he won't stand Namjoon up.

"Can't," Jungkook smiles. "Namjoon asked if I would be home for dinner."

"Talk to him," Jimin repeats.

"I will, I promise."

Jungkook stays with Jimin a little longer, they talk about music and their plans. He takes an uber home, because Jimin forces him to and waits for Namjoon to get home from work.

Jungkook has a lot of qualities but patience is not one of them. He sits pacing, trying not to think about the ways tonight could go.

It could be great, it could be exactly what their relationship needs and maybe Jungkook can finally get fucked.

Or it could be terrible again. They could fight, Namjoon could just forget again.

Jungkook takes a deep breath and although his knee hurts from his morning run, he decides to take Kyu on a walk around the neighborhood.

They walk slowly, Kyu seems to be understanding of Jungkook's pain and doesn't try to tug on the leash to much.

Jungkook knows his physio is going to yell at him tomorrow, that he's going to be a little broken after the show tomorrow but he doesn't regret the run.

When he gets home, he notices the shoes by the door first. Namjoon's here.

His heart jumps, a mixture of happiness, excitement mixed with a little bit of fear for the conversation they have to have. When he looks up from letting Kyu off his leash, he notices the setup.

Similar to the one he did with the candles and the soju, the takeout boxes sitting at the middle of the table. There's a bouquet of flowers too, tiger lilies, Jungkook's birth flower.

He glances down at his arm, where it's inked over the words that define him. Please love me.

That's what he wants to tell Namjoon. Please love me, please still want me, don't let me go, don't give up on us.

When he looks back up, Namjoon walks out of the bedroom and smiles at him. He's wearing a dress shirt and black jeans that hug his body. He looks handsome.

"Hi," Namjoon says tentatively. "I laid out some clothes on the bed for you? I know it's just take out but I thought it would be nice to dress up?"

Jungkook nods, a little numb and tries to remind himself of Jimin's words. Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him.

He can let himself forgive right away, just because his husband looks handsome and got him flowers.

"I'll go get changed," he manages to say, voice a little thick with emotion and walks straight to their room.

The clothes on the bed are reminiscent of what Jungkook wore on their first real date but he's not sure if it's intentional or if Namjoon just picked out something that looked nice.

As he gets dressed, he tries to hang on to that memory.

Jungkook remembers Jimin helping him get ready, he remembers being nervous even if it was just Namjoon. Taking the step from being friends to boyfriends was something that had taken a long time and Jungkook remembers how stressful that conversation had been.

Similar to now.

It had turned out okay and Jungkook tries to stay confident that this will too.

He takes a second to fix his hair in the mirror and splashes some body mist on as well, before walking back out into the dining room where Namjoon is waiting for him.

Jungkook smiles at him, naturally and sits in the chair in front of Namjoon.

"How was your day?" Namjoon asks as he starts emptying some food from the container in Jungkook's plate.

"Alright, I saw Jimin," Jungkook answers, reaching for the soju bottle and opening it.

"How was yours?" He continues, pouring soju in their glasses.

Jungkook knows he needs to steer away from the small talk as soon as possible if he doesn't want to chicken out of talking about his feelings.

"Good, I nearly finished mixing your lead single," Namjoon grins. "How's Jimin?"

"Doing well, keeping busy," Jungkook looks down to his plate for a second, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "We talked about you."

"Oh?" Namjoon raises his eyebrow, mouthful of noodles. "What about me?"

Jungkook takes another deep breath and then a drink of soju for courage before he manages to let out "How you stood me up last night."

"Jungkook," Namjoon starts, stretching his hand to graze his fingers against Jungkook's wrist.

"No, please listen," Jungkook pleads and waits for Namjoon to nod before he continues. "It's not just last night. It's... every night before that."

"What do you mean?" Namjoon frowns, retracting his hand.

"You," Jungkook tries to keep his voice steady, the emotion feeing thick in his throat. He's always hated how emotional he can get, knows it won't be long until he cries.

Namjoon doesn't press but his face looks worried as he rubs the back of his neck nervously.

"You're never home," he finally blurts out. "We have dinner together once a week, you never come to my shows anymore, I know you're busy Joon-ah but I see my mom more than I see you."

Namjoon looks like he's about to talk but Jungkook's started and now he can't seem to stop, words pouring out of his mouth straight from his heart.

"I know you're busy and you're working on my album, I'm grateful that you still work on my music with me but I /miss/ you."

The tears are there now, brimming his eyes and Jungkook brings his hands to his face, rubbing them.

"Fuck," he sighs. "I didn't want to cry. It's just, how can I miss you when we live together? That's not how it should be."

Jungkook stops himself before he goes too far, before he starts begging, asking where he went wrong and the tears flood him. He stops himself because if he doesn't stop now, he's afraid he'll say something that will make him lose Namjoon for good.

"I'm done now," he says, looking up to meet Namjoon's gaze which also seems to be a little wet.

Namjoon isn't as easily brought to tears as Jungkook is and it breaks Jungkook's heart a little to see him emotional.

"I didn't want to make you sad," Jungkook adds quickly.

"No, this isn't on you," Namjoon is quick to say. He holds his palm down on the table in front of Jungkook and Jungkook takes it almost instantly. "I'm sorry. I could blame this on work or my forgetfulness but I won't. This is all me and I'm sorry."

"The last thing I want is to make you feel anything but happiness," Namjoon squeezes Jungkook's hand. "I had no idea you felt this way but I should've been better."

"Do you," Jungkook's voice is shaky, threatening to break at any moment. "Do you not want me anymore?"

"What?" Namjoon frowns.

"I know I'm older and I can't work out like I used to because of my knee so my stomach has gone a bit sof-"

"Jungkook," Namjoon cuts him off. "Stop. Of course I still want you."

"Then why don't we have sex anymore?" Jungkook asks, pained. "Why don't you randomly push me against walls to kiss me or fuck me in the kitchen while I'm making dinner like we used to. I go to bed alone and I wake up alone Namjoon. I don't feel like I really have a husband."

Jungkook stops then, a little shell-shocked at the words that just came out of his mouth and Namjoon stares back.

They're still holding hands but it feels heavy now, like they're hanging on for dear life and if one of them lets go, they might fall.

"Fuck," Namjoon lets out, rubbing his free hand over his face. "That's... I'm so sorry Jungkook."

"It's okay," Jungkook tries to say but Namjoon shakes his head.

"No, it's not okay. You're the most important thing in my life, not music or the company. You are."

"I let myself get swallowed by the creative process and ended up neglecting the reason why I write in the first place," Namjoon intertwines their fingers over the table. "You."

Jungkook is crying now, breath shaky as he tries to steady it.

"Please forgive me?"

"I don't want you to make empty promises you can't keep," Jungkook says through tears.

"I'm not, I can't lose you," Namjoon wipes the tears off his cheeks and repeats it more quietly. "I can't lose you."

"I'm not asking you to stop being yourself, I know there are times where you'll have to stay late or miss my shows," Jungkook reaches for Namjoon's other hand, holding them both. "But be home more or call and ask me to come eat at the studio with you. /Want/ me."

Namjoon nods and brings up one of Jungkook's hands to kiss his knuckles.

"I know, it's hard for you sometimes to initiate contact," Jungkook continues. "You overthink everything but you don't have to overthink me okay? I always want your hands on me, your lips on mine."

"I'm sorry," Namjoon says again. "I know I keep saying it and it'll never be enough. I'll be better. I do want you, I guess I just got in my head too much? It's not an excuse, you deserve better and I want to be better for you."

Jungkook nods and reaches to touch his cheek.

Namjoon leans into his touch, smiling sadly as Jungkook wipes a tear off his cheek.

"You're the love of my life," he whispers and Jungkook smiles back at him.

"Then show me," he responds. "Show me how much you love me, Namjoon."

Namjoon gets up and Jungkook isn't sure what's happening but he walks around the table and stands in front of Jungkook.

He looks tall likes this, towering over him and if his face wasn't red and swollen from the crying, it would be a little intimidating.

He crouches in front of Jungkook so their faces are at the same level and sets both hands on Jungkook's thighs for support.

"Can I kiss you?" Namjoon asks, a soft smile on his lips.

"Yeah, you can always kiss me Namjoon," Jungkook answers.

Normally, he'd be the one closing the distance to help Namjoon get started, so he doesn't have to think too much about it but this time Jungkook wants to let him lead.

He wants to feel wanted, loved, he wants Namjoon to show him how much he desires him.

It takes a second, like Namjoon is thinking of how to do this and Jungkook gives him the time he needs. The same way he used to do when Jungkook would take a while to figure out his thoughts before speaking.

Namjoon's hands are rubbing his thighs, up and down slowly until finally he leans forward to press their lips together.

It's not a gentle kiss. From the seconds their lips touch, the fire that seemed to have disappeared has been lit again and it's burning, consuming them both.

Jungkook leans forward, wrapping his arms around Namjoon's neck and tongue teasing at his bottom lip.

Namjoon parts them for him, immediately sliding his tongue over Jungkook's. The sound of their smacking lips and swirling tongues echoes in their apartment.

Namjoon's hands guide Jungkook's legs around his waist and then slide up to his ass. He stands up, pulling Jungkook up with him and a small noise escapes his lips.

"Oh," Jungkook presses his face in Namjoon's neck, cheeks red and arms holding on tightly to his shoulders.

Jungkook's lips trail over the column of Namjoon's neck and his jaw, leaving a wet, warm trail on his honey skin.

"I'm gonna make it so you never have to doubt how much I want you," Namjoon growls in his ear as he carries Jungkook to their room.

Namjoon closes the bedroom door with his feet and lays Jungkook down on the bed, hands moving to rest on either side of Jungkook's waist.

Before they kiss, there's a second. A look. Just them staring into each other's eyes for the first time in what feels like forever.

It feels like Jungkook is 20 again, under Namjoon for the first time, like he's about to let him discover and learn his body.

Namjoon's hands dip under Jungkook's shirt, touching his bare skin before he closes his eyes and kisses him again.

Jungkook feels electrified, every touch and swipe of tongue making him shake with anticipation. It's been so long, too long and he wants everything now. Namjoon on the other hand seems intent on taking his time, on making Jungkook feel good in more ways than one.

"Want you," Jungkook whines in the kiss, trying to pull at Namjoon's shirt.

"I know baby," Namjoon smiles, hands moving up to start unbuttoning Jungkook's shirt. "Let's just take it slow okay?"

Every button that pops, is followed by a kiss down Jungkook's chest, Namjoon making his way to the waistband of Jungkook's jeans.

When the final button is open, the shirt slips off Jungkook's body and reveals his chest.

"You're so beautiful," Namjoon breathes out.

"Yeah?" Jungkook blushes, crossing his arms over his chest to cover himself.

"The most beautiful man I have ever seen," Namjoon sets his hands on Jungkook's arms and unfolds them gently. "I'm sorry you felt any other way."

Namjoon leans down and lets his hands slide over Jungkook's body, exploring every dip and valleys and touching each inch of exposed skin.

His mouth does the same, kissing and licking where his hands have travelled.

His tongue grazes Jungkook's nipples and circles around his navel, making Jungkook unable to control the soft moans he's making.

There's words too, whispered across his skin like a poem. Beautiful, love you, can't believe you're mine. Words that fill Jungkook with warmth.

Namjoon's hands are on his waistband, unbuttoning his jeans as he kisses over his skin.

"Na-/ah/," Jungkook moans when Namjoon runs a hand over his growing cock in his jeans. "I want you to fuck me."

Namjoon laughs a little, nuzzling in Jungkook's stomach.

"I know, I know," he says, pressing a kiss to his stomach delicately. "I will, I'll make you feel so good baby."

Jungkook keens at that, arching up into Namjoon's touch.

Namjoon sits back on his knees and takes off his shirt, along with Jungkook's jeans. Jungkook helps shimmy out of them before sitting up and pulling Namjoon into a frantic kiss.

Jungkook wants everything at once.

It's been so long since they've last done this that he can't seem to slow down, Jungkook is thankful that his husband is there to slow him down. So this doesn't end as fast as it started.

His hands wander down Namjoon's chest, tracing over his body down to Namjoon's pants.

His fingers unbutton his jeans as they kiss and he slips his hand down the front of Namjoon's jeans, cupping his thick cock in his hands.

"Fuck," Namjoon groans, dropping his head to Jungkook's shoulder.

"I missed this so much," Jungkook says, stroking him slowly.

"Yeah," Namjoon presses a soft kiss to Jungkook's shoulder before pulling back. "Lay down for me? I wanna eat you out before I open you up for me."

Jungkook nods quickly and lays back, propping himself up on the pillows as Namjoon takes off his own jeans and underwear.

Namjoon crawls between his legs, palms running over the inside of Jungkook's thighs.

"If your knee hurts from being bent too long, just stretch your leg over my shoulder okay?"

Jungkook nods and runs his hand over the side of Namjoon's face. "I'll be fine. I feel nothing but pleasure right now."

Namjoon grins and settles on his stomach, between Jungkook's legs and the view is unlike any other.

His husband looks gorgeous, brown mussed hair and lips red from kissing. There's a small spot on his neck, where Jungkook was kissing earlier, because Namjoon's skin has always been sensitive.

"You're so hot," Jungkook says under his breath and Namjoon blushes.

"I'm not the hotter half here," Namjoon squeezes Jungkook's thighs and presses a kiss near his hole, making him shudder.

Jungkook is about to disagree with the statement but he feels Namjoon's tongue, circling his hole and moans instead, letting himself enjoy the moment.

Namjoon has always been good at this, not that Jungkook has much to compare to, Namjoon was his first everything.

First kiss, first time, first love, first person Jungkook was ever able to be himself with.

There is no one like Namjoon. No one who makes Jungkook feel like this, no one who understands him better and as hurt as he was, there is no one Jungkook loves more.

He says so, when Namjoon pushes his tongue past his rim, moans out an i love you and grips the sheets.

"I love you too," Namjoon mutters, groaning softly. "So fucking much."

He dips his tongue in again and Jungkook arches his back in pleasure. It's been so long, too long, but Namjoon is here now and it feels great.

"Baby," Namjoon says a little breathlessly, pressing his cheek to Jungkook's thigh. "Baby can you reach for the lube?"

It takes Jungkook a second but he nods, twisting his body and reaching for the bottle of lune they keep in the bedside table.

It's nearly full, a reminder that they haven't really used it much but Jungkook tries not to think about it. He hands it to Namjoon, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Jungkook feels shy, in front of his husband, naked and exposed he feels shy.

It's not an unfamiliar feeling, Jungkook spent many years of his life being shy around Namjoon but it's weird now.

"You okay?" Namjoon asks, running his hand over Jungkook's stomach.

"Yeah, it's just... been a long time."

"I'm sorry," Namjoon says softly, pressing a kiss to the inside of Jungkook's thigh, making his cock jump. "I never want you to fee anything but wanted."

Jungkook smiles at that, touching Namjoon's cheek. "I know. Make me feel good... /hyung/."

Jungkook hasn't used the honorifics in years. He used to, when they were younger, but as they grew older and got married it evolved to other nicknames. Baby and love, terms of endearment.

But Namjoon's face just now, when he uses hyung, shows him he missed it.

"Fuck," Namjoon groans, uncapping the lube. "Say that again."

"What?" Jungkook says with a grin. "... hyung?"

Namjoon moves up quickly and kisses him hard, nipping at Jungkook's bottom lip.

"That's so sexy," Namjoon grunts, hands pressing into Jungkook's side. "You're so sexy."

Jungkook giggles, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Yeah? Well are you going to fuck me hyung? Or should I do it myself?"

"I'm going to fuck you," Namjoon says, kissing him again.

Jungkook moans into the kiss as he hears the squirt of lube, followed by the cold feeling of Namjoon's finger at his entrance.

"Ah," Jungkook closes his eyes, grasping onto Namjoon's hair.

Namjoon goes slowly, inching his finger inside him. He kisses him through it, languid and fiery. Jungkook can feel how much he wants him, can hear all the things Namjoon is trying to say.

It's I love you and I'm sorry, it's his wedding vows and a promise of forever.

Jungkook says it back. As Namjoon adds a second finger, he pushes his tongue in his husbands mouth and says it back.

All those things that have been building up, the things he isn't able to say out loud. Terrifying things that Jungkook thinks about all the time.

Things like you're my whole life and I can't live without you. The realization that if he lost Namjoon, Jungkook would probably lose himself too.

He's everything.

Jungkook moans into the kiss instead, lets Namjoon work him open.

"Fuck me," he whispers into his mouth. "I'm ready, fuck me please."

He's begging, he shouldn't be begging but he is. Jungkook wants this so bad, doesn't remember the last time he wanted anything more than this.

"Yeah," Namjoon moans. "I got you."

Namjoon takes out bis fingers and he feels empty, whines at the loss but it's not long before he feels the tip of Namjoon's cock, wet with lube, pressing at his entrance.

It feels familiar but new at the same time, excitement bubbles in Jungkook's stomach.

Namjoon pushes in slowly, stretching him so good. It's better than he remembers, the feeling of being so full and the warmth spreading in his body.

"Hyung," Jungkook whines, nails scratching at Namjoon's neck. "Feels so good."

Namjoon nods, pressing his face in Jungkook's neck. He's not moving yet, careful to let Jungkook adjust to his size. It's been a while, too long, and Namjoon isn't exactly small.

Jungkook wants to be fucked, hard, but he doesn't want it to be painful so he's patient.

He waits for the burn to sudbue, let's Namjoon kiss his neck and all the way up to his ear.

"If you didn't have a show tomorrow, I'd mark you up," Namjoon groans softly.

"Do it," Jungkook says instantly. "People know we're married. Do it."

"You sure?" Namjoon traces his tongue over his pulse point.

"Please," Jungkook begs, rolling his hips to let Namjoon know he can start moving. "Want everyone to see I'm your."

"All mine," Namjoon grunts, lips attaching to Jungkook's skin.

"My beautiful, successful, talented husband," Namjoon mutters before sucking a hickey on Jungkook's neck.

He starts moving too, slowly grinding his hips into Jungkook. Jungkook keens at the praise, tilting his head to the side to give Namjoon more access.

"Don't go slow," Jungkook buries his hand into Namjoon's thick brown hair. "Want hyung to fuck me hard."

Namjoon's hips stutter at that, teeth grazing Jungkook's skin as he bites gently and picks up the pace.

Jungkook knows this won't last long, they'll fuck hard and fast but he doesn't care. He feels too good to care.

He wraps a leg around Namjoon's waist, heel digging into his ass as his husband thrusts into him. They're both moaning, sounds melding together like a beautiful song.

"You feel so good," Namjoon grunts, one hand on Jungkook's thigh and the other on his side, holding him down.

"Hyung-ah," Jungkook whimpers, pulling Namjoon up by his hair. "Kiss me."

Namjoon doesn't need to be asked twice, he kisses Jungkook and it's messy. Tongues sliding over each others and teeth clacking but he's two focused on pounding into Jungkook to be anything but messy.

It's hot, the urgency of it all, the way Jungkook feels wanted.

Desired.

Namjoon hikes his leg up a little, sliding in deeper and the shift means that he's driving straight into Jungkook's prostate with every thrust.

He wails in pleasure, head tilting back and body arching off the mattress.

"You're such a good boy," Namjoon groans and oh, he hasn't called Jungkook that in so long.

Jungkook's cock jumps, leaking pre-come on his stomach and he feels the familiar tells of his orgasm. The toes curling and the desperate sounds falling out of his mouth.

Namjoon seems to notice because he gets the rhythm up, hips fucking into Jungkook a little harder.

"You like that?" Namjoon asks, licking over Jungkook's adam's apple. "You like being hyung's good boy?"

Jungkook nods because it's all he can do, words stuck in his throat. He whines and shakes under Namjoon's hold, completely gone.

"Good boys can usually come untouched," Namjoon says softly.

Jungkook wants that. He wants to be good, wants to be praised and loved.

He's close and when Namjoon kisses him again, whispering a gentle I love you against his lips, his cock jumps.

Jungkook comes hard, spurting thick ropes on his stomach and gripping onto whatever he can hold. Namjoon slows down but doesn't stop, moving into a more steady rhythm.

"Hyung," Jungkook whimpers, fingers digging into Namjoon's shoulder.

"Can I come inside you?" Namjoon pants, hips getting a little frantic.

Jungkook's brain is hazy but he can see Namjoon's face, the love in his eyes, the same way he looked when he walked down the aisle.

Tears brim his eyes as he nods quickly, a breathless /please/ before Namjoon buries his cock as far as he can and fills him up.

Jungkook feels it twitch, feels the warmth inside his hole and in his heart. He's crying now, face buried in Namjoon's chest. He loves him so much.

It takes a moment for Namjoon to come back to himself, to catch his breath and notice that Jungkook is still shaking under him.

"Hey," he says softly, pushing Jungkook's sweaty hair off his forehead. "Baby, why are you crying?"

"Did I hurt you?" Namjoon asks, concerned.

Jungkook shakes his head quickly, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

"No just," Jungkook sighs, tracing his fingers over Namjoon's face. "Overwhelmed."

Namjoon peppers kisses across Jungkook's forehead and down his cheek, he kisses his noses and the mole under his lip. Jungkook's skin tastes salty from the tear, he can taste it when Namjoon kisses his lips.

"I love you," Namjoon says. "More than anything."

"Love you too," Jungkook smiles softly. "Hyung."

Namjoon laughs, hiding his face in the crook of Jungkook's neck.

"God, I can't remember the last time you called me that."

"It still riles you up the same way it did back then," Jungkook traces patterns over Namjoon's bare shoulder.

"Same way being a good boy always gets you," Namjoon responds.

His soft cock slips out of Jungkook's hole, followed by the warm trickle of his come.

"I'm going to get us a warm towel to clean up okay?"

Jungkook nods, stretching his arms over his head. God he's going to be sore tomorrow.

"Can you get the food too? It's probably cold by now but I'm hungry."

Namjoon nods as he gets out of bed, not bothering with a pair of pants.

"Nice ass," Jungkook whistles as he heads out the door, making Namjoon chuckle.

He comes back to the room with a towel, the cold takeout and the bottle of soju which they polish off in bed, curled up into each other.

When Jungkook falls asleep, it's to the hum of Namjoon's voice and his fingers carding through his hair.

He feels loved, happy.

When Jungkook wakes up the next morning, it's to the crashing sound of pans in the kitchen.

Kyu has taken Namjoon's spot in the bed, spread out in all his glory and he opens an eye almost like he's blaming Jungkook for all the noise and disruption.

"Why are you looking at me like that, I just woke up too," he says, patting the dog's head gently before getting out of bed.

He looks in the mirror on his way to the kitchen, a deep purple mark on his neck stands out against his skin. Jungkook smiles as he traces over it.

Jungkook stands in the doorway and watches the way Namjoon runs around the kitchen with what seems like no purpose, he looks a little lost.

It's endearing, that he's trying to do this for Jungkook when they both know he burns toast weekly.

Namjoon notices him after a while when he turns in his direction.

"Baby, go back to bed," he pouts. "I wanted to surprise you with pancakes but i messed up the mix and now I have to remake it."

Jungkook giggles, stepping forward to wrap his arms around his husband's waist.

"You know we have box mix right?"

"It /is/ box mix," Namjoon whines, making Jungkook double down in laughter.

"Let me help you?" Jungkook asks, placing a kiss on Namjoon's chin. "I'm really hungry and I'd like to eat something edible."

Namjoon groans but nods, patting Jungkook's ass with a smile.

"Yeah, I think that's probably a good idea."

Jungkook takes over the preparation, asking Namjoon for small, easy tasks like getting the milk out of the fridge or mixing the ingredients.

Namjoon seems content with helping him, with being a part of the process. When it comes to cooking them, he lets Jungkook handle it.

He wraps his arms around Jungkook from behind, chin resting on his shoulder as Jungkook skillfully makes the pancakes.

"Baby," Namjoon says, lips ghosting over his jaw.

"Mmm?"

"I wanna come to your show tonight, if you'll have me."

Jungkook's cheeks heat up, soft pink painting his skin and he nods a little.

"I'd love that," he says, flipping a pancake. "We could... do a song together?"

"Oh?" Namjoon raises his eyebrow at him. "We haven't done that in years."

"I know," Jungkook nods, touching Namjoon's hand on his stomach. "Think the fans would like it."

Jungkook turns off the range and twists in Namjoon's arm, facing him.

"I think I would like it," he says, winding his arms around his neck.

"Okay," Namjoon leans down and kisses him gently. "I can't remember the last time I was on a stage."

Jungkook laughs and nudges him out of the way, bringing the pancakes to the table.

"You say that like you're eighty and thinking about the good old days," he says with a smile, wincing a bit as he sits. "It hasn't been that long."

"Longer than you," Namjoon shrugs.

Namjoon sits in the chair next to Jungkook instead of the one facing him, wanting to be close.

"You've got a point," Jungkook watches as Namjoon pours syrup over the pancakes, too much of it, but he doesn't stop him. "You should actually come with me to the venue."

"Why?" Namjoon asks, mouthful of the first bite of pancakes.

"So you can tell my manager why I'm having trouble dancing," Jungkook grins at him.

"Is it because you're old?" Namjoon brings a fork to Jungkook's mouth, feeding him the pancakes.

Jungkook takes it but pinches Namjoon's arm at the same time. His eyes are narrowed playfully but he doesn't answer, carefully chewing on the bite.

There's a warmth that blooms in Jungkook's chest and spreads across his body. This playfulness, the soft mornings with his husband feeling loved and a little sore. It's everything Jungkook wanted.

Jungkook knows they have things to work on, that they need to get better at communicating and being honest with their feelings.

But they're on the right track.

As they finish up the pancakes and Namjoon presses kisses to his bare shoulder, distracting Jungkook as he feeds Kyu some pieces of their breakfast, Jungkook knows.

As long as they have each other, they'll be okay.

~ the end.

Thank you everyone for reading this. It was my first ~angsty piece and the feedback I got was incredible. I really enjoyed writing it and I enjoyed seeing the way everyone reacted to it as well.

There will be an extended version of this on ao3 soon, just a deeper look into Jungkook's feelings so stay tuned for that!

here is my ko-fi, if you can, it's always appreciated https://ko-fi.com/adidasjungkook