Since we've been discussing fujoshis and the warped way fandom views them for the past week I've been dying to talk about my experience with fujoshi culture and fandom for a while now so here goes nothing I guess?

When I was younger I was raised around homophobic conservatives, in a small hicktown in the boonies with no exposure to gay content whatsoever. I started out on the internet with nothing but straight ships and a very warped view of myself and sex in general.

I was very sex repulsed due to trauma and I viewed women in a very objectifying way because it was all I knew; I felt like my existence was nothing and my purpose would always be to be a wife and I obsessed over it. I tried to change everything about myself to fit that idea.

However, it's impossible to exist in fandom spaces for very long without eventually stumbling upon gay content. My first reaction was confusion, but I quickly became enticed and I realized I liked that a lot more. I identified as a fujoshi for a very short amount of time.

I did fantasize about gay men, but I often wondered where that left me. I felt strange and alienated from myself-- I identified so strongly with boys in my ships but I wasn't a "boy" by my own standards then, so what was I? How did I fit into the idea I'd become obsessed with?

It took a little longer for transgender to be a concept I understood, and it took a little longer still for me to understand that the term could apply to me. I didn't realize it was an option, but when I did I dove in headfirst.

Even then, it took me years to figure out my orientation due to influence from other LGBTQ people who pushed me to be hyper-masculine and lead me to believe I had to be straight to be a valid trans man. It wasn't until the past 4 years that I've allowed myself-

To identify as a gay trans man and even now I'm struggling to allow myself to be as GNC as I want to be. So how is this still about fujoshis, you may ask?

For a good while I used a platform where I had unknowingly associated myself with antis before I understood the terms and opinions of people around me. I have/had trauma involving women and the antis around me fed into that trauma, fed into my fear of women.

They told me it was okay to hate women as long as it was certain types of women. And the obvious target? Fujoshis. It started out due to terfs calling me and other trans men "fujoshis" and accusing us of being straight women who just want to assault gay men.

Which of course, plants the initial idea that fujoshis are inherently straight women with an agenda. From there, it trickles into "well you're being fetishized by WOMEN, remember how gross women are, remember they did x to you?"

So I rapidly grew to hate fujoshis because I was terrified, and felt in a constant state of anxiety having to prove myself as a valid trans man which is hard enough when you're constantly misgendered and treated badly irl and then harassed online.

Fujoshis were the ones who helped me realized who and what I am, so why would I be so easily influenced to turn on them? Easy. It's an agenda. It's what terfs/antis/homophobes want. They don't want gay content to be created, much less content that has anything they disagree with.

When you already live your life in fear due to trauma, it's easy for that fear to become misdirected and it took until the past year for me to finally get over it and realize what had happened to my views.

It's not unlike their usual recruiting. It starts out as "pedophilia is bad" and of course no one in their right mind would disagree with that statement, but the reality is that they're not saying "pedophiles in the real world who harm real children" are bad. Instead,

They're saying "queer people who vent their trauma and anyone who draws things I don't like for any reason are pedophiles and perverts because I say so." But upon the initial statement, how is anyone to guess? How are you supposed to know at a glance what you're agreeing to?

You don't. That's the whole recruitment process. You're agreeing to something you don't fully understand until you're already waist high in it and don't have a way out. It's much like a cult in that way. Anything you share, they'll prey on and exploit, much like they're accusing.

It's something to consider when you read posts; check the OP, go through their replies. Try to figure out their stance and consider what you're agreeing to. Check their sources.

The problem is a lot of their wording is stolen terf rhetoric that can be impossible to trace due to their habit of reposting and slight altering of wording. Propaganda has always spread this way and like the saying goes, no one is immune to it.

What's important is to learn from it; recognize the issues within the rhetoric and within yourself. Understand where it's coming from and why it's happening, then trust yourself to get out and find a new, healthier community.

I'm sorry this is so jumbled, I try to make informative posts and often feel as though I fall short, but I'd like to end this post with a brief apology for the time I spend hating fujoshis and women in general. I hated myself and I was afraid, but it's not an excuse.

It saddens me deeply to see other trans men fall into the same hole I did, and I hope they get out of it. Fujoshis are an important part of the LGBTQ community and vast creators of MLM content we don't get anywhere else. Keep at it you funky ladies. (And gents, for fudanshi.)