I've been properly grieving for the last 3 years, so if yall need some advice on what to be okay with and let go of right now, I made this thread for yall if you've lost someone or just are mourning during this pandemic

I lost my mom a year and change ago after a battle with cancer, right before her my sister battled (and won) cancer, and oh yeah my father passed when I was 17 and also im queer so yanno, my life has been lots of grieving..

Okay, so a few basics on taking care of yourself when you're in survival mode: 1. It's okay not answer texts. 2. It's okay to not call people back. 3. It's okay to take care of what is in front of you, bc sometimes thats all you can do

You're going to lose some friends because of this. Folks you didn't know needed you're active involvement that much are gonna peace while you can't take a shower without a phone reminder. It sucks. But also, its okay. I've lost a few of my ride or dies

And it hurts still, but the truth is, I needed more, they needed more, etc. The upside here is you're going to gain new and different friends.

Okay next steps: lean in to something that is mindless but helps. My things have been puzzles and video games. Both of these things have served me during the pandemic and took such good care of me when I was in the throes of grieving.

I also got into latch hooking? Like a 33 year old (at the time) butch dyke making tiny puppy carpets, but whatever it helped.

You're gonna gain some weight and if you're like me, you don't care too much, but if you arent.... its okay. When you get your brain back, you can go for runs. But if you're in the midst of pain, we know you can't get off the couch. It is okay to not feel bad.

Make a plan for when you're ready, and take care of your body.

It's okay to eat trash food, but balance it with some lettuce.

A v smart person I see weekly has told me to be okay with my body and brain being in hibernation, because that's what I was (now have returned to) hibernating. Every social interaction made me rest for a week, bc I was weak and needed rest.

Whether you've lost someone or are inundated with depressing and horrible and sad news, you're gonna need some rest for that. It's just science.

Lots of smarter people than me have said this better but what you are struggling with is a lack of control. If you are grieving a person, you're struggling with that loss and your heartache and missing them, and also your lack of control.

Everything is going to be different and while at first thats horrible, eventually it will feel like its normal again. Or whatever normal is. So. Let's remember that for the pandemic too, everything is gonna be different.

If you're a NYer that was here during 9/11, whether you were in the city or not, we are experiencing some collective trauma again. We know what this is like and what it leads to.

I have all sorts of musings on what grieving is and isn't and how to talk to ppl who are, so yanno holler if you need support. I've grieved a lot in my life and have spent a lot of therapy hours trying to even talk about it. So hi, here for yall if ya need it.

Anyhoo, take care of each other and all that.