I think it’s especially hard for autistic people to know the difference between how they intended to make someone feel & how they actually made someone feel. I think particularly cis men autistics who aren’t socialized to care about others’ feelings more than their own. Except...

Allistic people also seem to have a hard time with this, but they learn much easier the things they need to say in order to make the other person feel bad for having feelings, if that makes sense.

Autistic folks just end up learning that our feelings are never valid, and our intentions don’t matter. That because we communicate differently and piss people off involuntarily, constantly, that we’re just defective and unlikable.

Meanwhile, allistics are out there miscommunicating & lacking empathy at approximately the same rate, but because they have learned the right words to say, they get away with it more.

Autistic folks take longer to learn to anticipate folks’ reactions, and longer to understand that there can be a disconnect between intent and result with regard to someone else’s feelings, but this doesn’t mean we lack empathy at a greater rate than allistics.

I wish people would learn that intent does indeed matter. If you interpret someone’s communication a certain way, that’s valid, but if you think your feelings are more valid than someone else’s earnest feelings, that is a lack of empathy.

When the other person is not on earnest, that’s a different situation and this thread does not apply.

We all have reactions to things & if we have a lot of bad experience that reaction can be knee-jerk, but I wish folks would slow their roll a bit with regard to guessing intent

Intent does matter. If I kick you on accident, I still have to apologize, but I’m not an asshole. If I kick you on purpose, I’m probably an asshole

& if I kick you on purpose because I wrongly assumed you were gonna kick me? Y’all, I still need to apologize.

If I kicked you on purpose because I wrongly assumed you were gonna kick me, the right thing to do is *NOT* to spend three hours explaining how you obviously were gonna kick me.

My right to swing my leg ends at your shins