i wish i had “warm” childhood memories to share . since birth i was reminded i’m a burden and a mistake that never should’ve happened. lol

i’ve had health problems since i was born because i’m a preterm birth but it was somehow made my fault that ndiyagula

tw: rape

at 8 wasn’t the first time i was molested. at 5 a family member almost tried to rape me and uxela kwam everyone just looked the other way. yi family ke leyo

tw: abuse

having to wear jearseys and long socks to school in primary EVERYDAY even on the hottest days because i had to cover up scars and bruises from literally being made a punching bag everyday

tw: rape

being rape for 3 consecutive years by someone who was supposed to protect me and getting to a point of being so broken that you accept this is your purpose in life. to be his slave and fulfill his desires.

being jumpy all the time, living in fear and being paranoid because you don’t know when the next time will be. i thought i’d get used to it with time but you don’t

each time you feel your childhood being stripped from you and it cuts deep everytime. it breaks down everything in you. things will never be the same, i can never get my childhood back and there really is no healing to it. you just learn to live with it

i didn’t mean to trigger anyone but this whole chat just opened old wounds for me. wounds i thought i had healed from but clearly not

this is why i will never trust men or family in general. these people were supposed to be there for me but instead i was told to stop making up stories even with all the evidence being there, i was told to get over it

when you become an adult all that trauma comes back to deal with you. your subconscious doesn’t forget even if you convince yourself you’re okay. home girl will come back to remind you about your demons whenever she wants to

to think some of the health issues i have come from the events and trauma i went through fucks me up even more. i don’t know what God’s plan is or why i had to endure so much suffering but sometimes i truly don’t get it. i really don’t

i genuinely don’t think i will ever heal even though my faith remains unshaken. i still cry myself to sleep over things that happened 15 years ago.

anyway, dc, gtg, crying, brb