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Guys, I think I need to address something. Something from my past. Normally, I am a straight-up honest guy, I'm fairly successful, I'm doing alright, so I have no cause to lie about anything...
But I have told an outright falsehood.
One that I invented in order to make myself look cooler and richer.
It is time I came out with it, and retracted it publicly, for all to see.
One that I invented in order to make myself look cooler and richer.
It is time I came out with it, and retracted it publicly, for all to see.
I hope that by apologising for my lie and pointing out how it was completely false, you can all forgive me. It was an immature mistake to make.
You see, in 1984, I claimed to Billy Thornton at junior school, that my dad owned a Ferrari.
Reader, my dad did not own a Ferrari.
I am very sorry.
Reader, my dad did not own a Ferrari.
I am very sorry.
And it doesn't end there.
The scale of my lying hasn't been known before, but I'm willing to put this out there once and for all, to let everyone know the score.
I also said that my dad knows Kung-Fu.
The scale of my lying hasn't been known before, but I'm willing to put this out there once and for all, to let everyone know the score.
I also said that my dad knows Kung-Fu.
My dad has never known Kung-Fu.
He knew welding. That's about it.
I concede, that's not a martial art.
I wish I could say this was the end of it, I really could.
He knew welding. That's about it.
I concede, that's not a martial art.
I wish I could say this was the end of it, I really could.
At a playground in 1985, in the summer holidays, I told a girl that my mum ran an ice cream factory and I could eat as much of it as I liked.
I even said we skiied down ice cream mountains in a massive warehouse of frozen dessert.
This too, was not true.
I even said we skiied down ice cream mountains in a massive warehouse of frozen dessert.
This too, was not true.
So there you have it. I'm an untrustworthy scumbag of the highest order.
I'd say I've reformed my ways in the modern age, but no.
I have even lied recently as last week.
I'd say I've reformed my ways in the modern age, but no.
I have even lied recently as last week.
Well, actually, I don't actually respect the medical advances proposed by Donald Trump, because, actually, I do not like him.
I'd go as far as to say he's an inept bungling idiot. I might have said things along these lines in the past. That bit is true.
I'd go as far as to say he's an inept bungling idiot. I might have said things along these lines in the past. That bit is true.
And in any case, that's a compact disc, it's not even bleach.
What the hell was I thinking of?
What the hell was I thinking of?
I do hope I can re-earn your trust, faithful followers.
