Thread by @_senpai_i, "How's it like to live with social anxiety?" It's like being punched [...]

"How& #39;s it like to live with social anxiety?" It& #39;s like being punched in the gut by an invisible force at random situations. Not fun for sure! Social anxiety isn& #39;t nervousness, it& #39;s not cute, & no I can& #39;t get over it by just practicing or by putting myself "out there" often. (1/n)

The first instance that I can remember was when I wanted to participate in my school& #39;s singing competition. I practiced, practiced & practiced. I was so excited! I remember the song - "Satyam Shivam Sundaram." I was in class 4th.

TW: Description of social anxiety triggers. (2/n)

As soon as I entered the room and saw the audience, I felt this "nervousness" that I had never felt before. I remember the feeling so vividly - the room went dark, my senses heightened, I could here & feel every single thing! I was like uncontrollable Jean Gray from X-Men! (3/n)

I felt nauseous. I felt physically sick. I was way too young to realize that I have the right to get up and leave the room. So I sat there, feeling scared, sick and helpless. Every time teacher called the name of a participant, my heartbeat would rise 10 times. (4/n)

When she said "Next is Suman" I backed out. I don& #39;t remember seeing or hearing anyone or anything. I remember walking up to the stage, facing the audience, & signing. I could neither hear my voice nor the music. I still can& #39;t remember how it ended or when I left the room. (5/n)

I was heartbroken. Why did it happen? I practiced! Next time I gathered up the courage to go up on stage to sing was in class 7. I thought, "this time I& #39;ll win!" Spoiler alert-I didn& #39;t. I don& #39;t remember much from that day either. I do remember seeing a lot of people though. (6/n)

I thought I& #39;ll get over this "nervousness" with time. I didn& #39;t. It only got worse. It was so bad that my hands would shake during roll call in college. Imagine being petrified to say "yes ma& #39;am". Imagine practicing it in your head a thousand times & still getting it wrong. (7/n)

Everyone I talked to would say, "It& #39;s not a big deal. Everyone feels nervous doing something or the other." But it was a big deal. I started giving up on so many opportunities because of it. I wouldn& #39;t go out with my friends. Why put myself through that? (8/n)

Putting yourself out there doesn& #39;t help. Trust me I& #39;ve tried. If you know someone with social anxiety, be mindful of their condition. It actually physically hurts when you& #39;re triggered or when you& #39;re going through an episode. It& #39;s like an extremely painful punch to ur gut. (9/n)

I was in Bangkok this Jan, & went to a night market. I was dancing & enjoying myself when I suddenly felt like I couldn& #39;t breathe. In a split second, my brain was completely aware of all the people around me. I knew if I don& #39;t get out & go to a secluded place, I& #39;ll faint. (10/n)

I started walking. With every step things around me got darker & darker. I felt this burning pain in my chest. It only stopped when I got out of that crowd. I cried myself to sleep that night. I wanted to be out there, have fun. Instead, I was in my room, feeling sick. (11/n)

Social anxiety can make a lot of things difficult. Here are a few that I have experienced -
1. Public speaking (duh!)
2. Going out for a party.
3. Entering a room full of unknown people.
4. Confronting someone, disagreeing or saying no.
5. Speaking to your boss or senior. (12/n)

6. Working while someone& #39;s watching you.
7. CC& #39;ing your colleague in emails.
8. Speaking up in meeting/classrooms.
9.Meeting new people.
10.Eye contacts.
11.Asking doubts.
12.Being called by someone in authority (yep! my boss just saying my name would trigger me sometimes) (13/n)

Okay. I can keep going. The bottom line is, please be mindful of people in your classroom, organisations, company, home etc. Give people with social anxiety the time & space they need to speak up. Don& #39;t ask them if they want to "Add" something to the conversation. Please. (14/n)

Know that social anxiety can be extremely exhausting for the simple reason that you can& #39;t avoid social situations. Being on the street, in the metro, in office, and sometimes even with your family can be extremely triggering and tiresome. (15/n)

Hence, don& #39;t reprimand people with social anxiety for not being in touch, or not being available. With having to put our mental health at a backseat almost every day, even a simple thing like texting can feel like a lot of effort. Be patient. (16/n)

I started seeking therapy only recently & it has been helpful. For anyone going through it, there is no "cure", but you can learn to navigate it better. I know it sucks, but it WILL get better. At least on some days. Other days would suck no matter what. One day at a time. (17/n)

This is my experience. My social anxiety often overlaps with my generalised anxiety disorder and becomes difficult to say what I am experiencing is because of what. Of course, different people can have different experiences. (18/n)

I feel like, a lot of my anxiety also stems from my identity of being a queer dalit woman. The Intergenerational trauma, trying to figure who you really are and why you don& #39;t "fit in" can be daunting. But that& #39;s a conversation for some other day. (19/n)

Don& #39;t know if it& #39;s helpful for anyone or not. I just wanted this to be out there for anyone who& #39;s going through something similar. You are not alone (pun intended). Unless, you want to be, which is completely okay!

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😉" title="Winking face" aria-label="Emoji: Winking face"> (20/n)

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