CN: Suicide, self-harm, mental health.

A year ago today I was in hospital. I had tried to kill myself.

It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about it. But it was the first time I acted on it with intent.

I wanted to stop the pain. I felt trapped. I was in the loneliest and lowest place I had ever felt in my life.

I felt isolated, scared and so deeply alone. I wanted out. Today, I’m in a different space and at times, I feel a different person.

We find ourselves in the midst of a pandemic where we literally physically distance ourselves from those we want to spend time with most as an act of love.

I’ve met others who experience mental health issues and I’ve met others who wonder how anyone could feel so low that they would want to die. I’ve talked about it before and I’ll talk about it more one day.

This year feels, in many ways, for many people, one of the worst of their life. Maybe you’re feeling that way, or maybe this year is giving you a renewed sense of purpose.

Whatever it is, just remember this: You matter. And help is always there and it’s not weak to seek it. Now, and always.

As for me, I am lucky to have wonderful support around me so this dorky grin is looking forward to many more years on this beautiful planet.