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Ini sessi meluahkan perasaan. If you're not comfortable with this, boleh mute, unfollow or block.
When I was in my teens, I didn't care that I didn’t have too many friends. Many regarded me as weird, and I was quite the rule-following nerd anyway, having grown up in the shadow of two overbearing aunts who raised my dad. He basically used them to frighten me into obedience.
I was never the risk-taker. Never smoked, never would dream of flouting rules, and when told to abide by something, that was it, no questions asked. My parents were also overprotective, they never allowed me to go on school trips and such.
When I entered university, I was pretty much set that way and lived with all the consequences that entailed. My circle of friends became even narrower.
I lagged a bit in uni due to my parents divorce, and consequently graduated late - with people younger than me (not by much but you know in M'sian uni people are segregated and stuck basically with people of the same age). I became separated from my fellow 79ers.
that further narrowed my circle of friends, the consequence of which never dawned on me until now.
I entered the workforce with people younger than me, and being born at the tail end of Gen X, I had clash of values with the early generation of Gen Y. This narrowed my friendship circle still. I was in my 20s at the time.
At the time I sort of accepted the loneliness, thinking it would improve the longer I am in the workforce. How much longer can this persist, right? I'm bound to have company soon enough, right?
When I had the financial independence to finally venture out and do the things I have always wanted, I find it is too late. People my age were starting families, and understandably couldn't spend time with me.
As I enter my 30s, I find the prolonged solitude, while sometimes appreciated, was slowly starting to gnaw at me.
I find myself going out to the countryside even more often. Imagine doing almost 200km a week on a small motorcycle over the weekend looking for I don't what over the mountains and rivers. I don't know what it was, but it calmed me.
But that didn't really close the widening gulf of emptiness. I have now reached my 40s and the loneliness is gnawing ever greater inside me.
I have tried joining hobbies that would put me into paths of other people. But apart from getting burned each time, I find they are all devoid of people whom I can connect with.
and even now the older Gen Y is fast disappearing from my life, replaced by a generally unrelatable Gen Z.
I wish I had done things differently when I was younger.
I wish I had taken risks.
I wish I was more outgoing.
I wish I had taken risks.
I wish I was more outgoing.
I've hammered that into my head, but I a m finding it impossible to sustain in the long run. Even activities that I used to do to keep my mind occupied, I no longer enjoy and cannot sustain for long. https://twitter.com/sybreon/status/1254619892478693376
I think what I hunger for is the human touch. Maybe that explains why I am the Twitter junkie eh.
Aku dah penat menunggu. Penat.
I went to boarding school too, but by then aku dah jadi jenis yang 'skema' https://twitter.com/aizadfahmy/status/1254622206111264770
Probably wish that together with 30 and 40 y. o. me, we would kick the 20 y. o. me to be more outgoing and sociable https://twitter.com/AdrianLiMy8/status/1254630043877179392
Entahlah. Mungkin aku depressed kot. Tetiba je.
This short film, never mind the controversial theme to some, perfectly encapsulates my position. Give it a watch!
