tw/ ed (?), food, body image

idk if this counts as an eating disorder but there are a lot of foods i might say i “dislike” but tbh it’s confusing as to if i actuallt dislike it or if i just feel shameful for eating it bcus it’s unhealthy and ill get hate if i’m fat :(
tw/ tws from above!!

idk this is probablt bcus i’ve never EVER been skinny?? like i’ve always been more on the chubby side (which makes me rlly embarrassed :( ) and i’ve always gotten made fun of by my mother or other students @ school...... i’ve gotten told i have “whale fat”
tw/ tws from above

by a girl who was supposed to b my friend nd i understand that we were in 5/4th grade but that doesn’t make it hurt any less :( it hurt then and it still hurts now..... being made fun of for my weight since i was like. a toddler. is absolutely terrible and
tw/ tws from above

builds up weird relationships w food where i don’t know if i GENUINELY dislike the way a food tastes or if i refuse to eat it due to the shame i feel/bcus i don’t want to get yelled at/am afraid that i’ll look like i’m “trying too hard”..... cus im not kidding
tw/ tws from above!

when i say being made fun of bcus i’m fat not only affects UNHEALTHY FOOD CHOICES but can also make me self conscious abt HEALTHY food choices bcus i don’t want ppl to notice i am afraid to the way ppl see me..... i want to appear as if i don’t care when i’m
tw/ tws from above

self concious?? which sounds so contradictory but it’s just the way my mind works (worked? idk) but it’s probably bcus of a battle between pride and insecurity........ like sometimes i just don’t eat AT ALL bcus if i eat smthin unhealthy i’ll get shamed but
tw/ tws from above

if i eat smthin healthy smone will b ljke “oh it’s cus they’re fat so they’re trying to look pretty” or “ofc ur fat so ur trying to look normal” and it’s rlly. stressful,,,, srry if this was long and ranty but i had to say it :(
i started this thread out w one main point and came out w a new one lmao
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