today is one of those lose all self confidence and feel like giving up on my transition type days

my mom is so fucking inconsiderate and useless for this process, i think im gonna try to self medicate and hope i dont die at this point

honestly i dont think id have money for blood work really so it's a big risk

if i decide to go through with it, i think it's a

- buy blockers first, hope im not allergic
- buy 2mg pills
- cut in half and take 1mg for three months
- if im not dead in three months move up to 2mg

blood tests are like 200 iirc and i think it's like 75 a month already for all the pills i need so id rather just risk my life if im being honest

id have to look into a few more of the finer details first but if i cant get em normally first it's defs suicide mission time