Also the " if we hold white men accountable, they won't want to be our allies" line is really bad faith and if their allyship is so conditional that criticism and/accountability turns them off from it then they have the wrong motives. Allyship is not about rewards and good vibes

If your allyship is conditional on how much praise you received, you need re-assess why you think you're an ally at all.

The sad truth is, if you're white, you're racist in some part just because of how we're conditioned in this society. It's not okay, but it's also not inherently your fault and there is work that you can do to be better over time.