Sometimes, because we live in a shitty society that teaches that women are obsolete at 30, I worry about aging. I worry about my gray hairs and developing wrinkles. But then other times I remember what a fucking SHIT SHOW your 20s are and I'm so relieve to be "old."

Now that I'm about to hit 40 I worry even more, because in patriarchy years that makes me a 300 year old hag who should be shunned and ignored by all. Then I remember how goddamn hard I had to work to SURVIVE my 30s, and actually living long enough to get old feels like a triumph

It can be so hard to remember your own worth when the measuring stick that society uses was created by people who hate who and what you are. I'm a smart (most of the time), talented, caring, passionate WoC who has survived so much and managed to thrive.

That is genuinely hard to remember & believe in a world that measures value by your contributions to capitalism and your sexual appeal to straight white men. I've lived with these measures of value my whole life and it makes me WANT to conform to them, which I HATE.

I want to make good money and have a fancy car and house and be productive and be able bodied and neurotypical. I want to be conventionally attractive and sexually appealing. (Which is hard to admit and makes me uncomfortable, let me tell you.)

But I have a lot of younger friends and when I talk to them I realize that my life experiences have given me a surprisingly large store of wisdom and experience which I can share. Not to mention I am capable of far greater critical thought these days.

It's often easier for me to focus on what matters and ignore the random bullshit of life (not always, definitely not always). I am far more secure in my knowledge of how the world works and my place in it, even if I don't like that place.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this thread really has a point. Possibly this is just quarantine induced naval gazing. But I guess what I want to tell myself and others is that you don't stop mattering because of your age, no matter how much our society wants you to believe it.

And that being in your 20s is hard AF, being in your 30s is challenging but often rewarding, and I'm hoping my 40s will be chill and amazing. (Doubtful since I life in the apocalypse, but whatever, I will be awesome no matter what.)