Come join in our misery. We've done this once before. WE shall do it again. With more alcohol. https://twitter.com/JessCluess/status/1254531879832711168

"Lyrics by Glenn Slater."

Best known for Disney's "Home on the Range" and stage production of "Sister Act: The Musical" before this.

"Till I Hear You Sing" is the only tolerable number in this entire musical and it really only goes downhill from here.

Is this better or worse than the creepy mannequin dressed in wedding clothes he kept in in the Opera basement

The Phantom musicals went from lush gothic melodrama to Tim Burton knockoff

I just realized that the only good number in this entire musical is the PROLOGUE https://twitter.com/sjaejones/status/1254533051960504320?s=20

Okay, to get a little pretentious about it, part of the reason Love Never Dies isn't very good is that none of the songs DO much. "Coney Island" is visually interesting, but can you imagine the chorus girls in POTO singing a song about the spectacles of the opera as an intro?

Also, this musical has no idea who its protagonist is. The first solo number after the prologue is Meg's. Her song is just a performance for a boardwalk crowd, whereas "Think of Me" was Christine trying to prove her talent AND discover her singing confidence.

Man, what a song from Madame Giry. "Remember how you whored yourself out for the Phantom?"

They didn’t glue down Meg’s lace front wig

MADAME GIRY: Christine chose youth and beauty over genius and art, that BITCH.

MADAME GIRY 10 YEARS AGO: YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC IS A PSYCHOPATHIC MURDER RUN, ADOPTED DAUGHTER, RUN!

Also, THE TIMELINES DON'T MATCH UP.

Phantom of the Opera took place in 1881.
Love Never Dies takes place in 1907.

The Phantom, musical genius, mathematical dunce. "Ten years," my ass.

CREEPY MUSICAL BOX REDUX EXCEPT IT'S A CLOWN NOW INSTEAD OF A MONKEY

GUSTAVE: I have so many daddy issues and they're only going to get worse by the end of this musical.

Phantom and Raoul Argue at PTA Meetings: The Threequel https://twitter.com/JessCluess/status/1254538973138964480?s=20

THE DOORS: *burst open*
DRAMATIC FANFARE: *blares*
FOG: *wafts in*
PHANTOM: *stands woodenly*
CHRISTINE:
CHRISTINE:
CHRISTINE:
CHRISTINE: Oh yeah. *swoon*

Ben Lewis is a chin actor.

AND NOW WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE INTERMINABLE SEX DIRGE (Beneath a Moonless Sky)

Love Never Dies is what happens when people mistake pity for lust.

THIS SONG DOESN'T FUCKING END.

Compare the sexy song from POTO (Point of No Return):

What raging fire
Shall flood the soul?
Which rich desire
Unlocks its door?
What sweet seduction
Lies before us?

With...

And I touched you
And I felt you
And I heard those ravishing refrains
The music of the pulse
The singing in your veins

*cringe*

PHANTOM: Ten long years of yearning—wait, sorry, I have to check my math.
PHANTOM: Twenty-six long years of yearning, nope, sorry, that doesn't scan.

When you realize you have ten years of child support to catch up on

MEG: Christine, old buddy, old pal! You look well!
CHRISTINE: ...so do you!