Breakdown during corona:

Recently, I took a little break. From social media, from life, from working, from family and friends.

I couldn't breathe, I was having semi manageable panic attacks often, I felt like I was perpetually drowning. Like, everything sucked.

Tons of factors here: I lost about 40% of my income with two consistent revenue streams. Forced to stay home and couldn't escape. Had an influx of hateful trolls suddenly. Needed to end several shitty relationships. Had websites go dormant. Smoking too much. In limbo on project.

I had a backlog so not to affect my sales. The pressure of not having to post constant original content was great. The ability to put off correspondence with clients was freeing. Everybody understood. I think its bc we are all going though some shit. We all need a fucking break.

Things that helped:
Getting off social media. Necessary for biz but shit for mental health.
Fresh air. Sunshine does wonders for depression.
Honesty. Having some real convos and making tough decisions.
List making. These are things I need to do and have done. Scratch it off.

Pets. They drive me nuts & are a ton of responsibility but are cute & loving.
Talking about my depression & anxiety. This makes me realize that I'm not alone & lots of people need to hear that too.
Cooking. Making a delicious meal & then eating it. Omg.
Hitachi. You cum first.

My friends. Thk you for not constantly asking if I'm OK but obvs not. Thx for the pics & entertainment.
Music. Nothing a little RTJ or Tool can't fix.
Filming shit I don't sell. Focusing on stuff I wanna make vs stuff I have to make.
Dancing. Stoned ballet in a mirror for lyfe.

In these isolating times, I keep hearing people say we need each other. True but what we really need is to find ourselves. To fucking find some enjoyment, passion, and pleasure. Fix some of the things that keep holding us back. Prepare better, enjoy the moment, & learn to chill.

My pattern. Very fucking fitting.