I want to eat an entire batch of apple muffins but there are no apple muffins in my house.

May we all have such clarity about our sacred mission as I have in this moment.
SIL bought me these silicone cupcake thingies for Christmas.

I like to do the 8 queens problem with them. Got this one right on the FIRST TRY.




Thank god MY butter never presented any racial or ethnic controversies to-


is that muffin...ENGLISH?
Just wanna note that 1/3 cup of butter is a heckin weird quantity of butter.

Also, that this was originally shortening because the recipe is from World War II, my favorite world war.
This recipe also uses 3/4 cup of honey, because THE GENERATION THAT PUNCHED HITLER had to ration sugar to do it.

It also works with brown sugar, though. I guess it depends on which kind of slavery you hate more: bee or human.
This is what butter and honey look like when SEVERELY WHIP'T.

I suspect the shortening was also used to keep World War II children from eating the batter.
I SAUCED these APPLES but the SPICE GRINDER contained more GRINDED SPICE than I realized and so this SAUCE is SEVERELY SPICED.

It's perfect for muffins, though.
"Add half the applesauce and dry ingredients and stir."
"Repeat previous step."

(I think you're supposed to do this with a wooden spoon? Whatever. I live in THE HOUSE OF THE FUTURE.)
Stir in some PECANS

(The recipe calls for walnuts, but I only have pecans. It also calls for raisins, but f*ck those guys.)
Sploop the bloop intoop the coops!
BAKE at 350F for 25-30 minutes.

(Note: I don't know what happens when you use regular gluten-infested flour for these. You probably have to WHIP IT GOOD a lot less good.)

2 c sifted flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp salt

1/3 c shortening
3/4 c honey
1 c applesauce

1 c raisins
1/4 c walnuts
Sift dry ingredients together. If your spices are already in your applesauce, as here, omit them.

Beat the shortening (or butter or whatever) till it is fluffy.

Add honey and beat for 2 more minutes.

Add 1/2 of applesauce and 1/2 of dry ingredients and mix in.
Repeat the previous step (after which all your applesauce and dry ingredients should be in).

Stir in raisins and nuts. Or don't. I'm not your mom.

Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes, or till toothpick comes out not-gloopy.

Let sit in pan 10 mins, then put onto wire rack (or eat).
You can also put frosting on these and pass them off as cupcakes.

I guess.

You monster.
Here's a vintage frosting recipe:

2 oz cream cheese
5 tbsp powdered sugar
1 tbsp milk
1/2 tsp vanilla (or flavoring extract of your choice)

Beat the cream cheese till fluffy.
Sift the sugar and add it a little at a time, beating after each addition.
Add milk and vanilla and beat till frosting is smooth.

You gotta beat this frosting A LOT, is what I'm saying. BEAT IT LIKE IT OWES YOU MONEY.

Also, this recipe doesn't make nearly enough frosting by 21st century standards. Double it for 12 "cupcakes."
My great-grandmother would be AGHAST that I said that, but she went to her grave still mad at Mabel down the street who used SIX EGGS in her meringue (that hussy!), so make of that what you will.
IF YOU WANT MORE REALISTIC WARTIME CREAM CHEESE, get yourself some yogurt (Greek works best for this) and hang it up in a cheesecloth overnight.

Salt as needed.

Boom. You made cultured cream cheese. YOU'RE SO HOMESTEADY.
You can also put other things on top for flavor/texture. This is cinnamon sugar. I like to add it while the muffins are still hot for melting purposes.
Finally, the most difficult step:

Don't touch them until they are cool.

What are you doing

It is too hot
See, it won't even stay together yet

Put it back
What are you doing
You can follow @danialexis.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: