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*stares at my abuser exes* :> https://twitter.com/YoloAkili/status/1254393519571038208">https://twitter.com/YoloAkili...
People pleasers get hella abusive when they don& #39;t get the response they want from their pleasing. They go straight for emotional manipulation.
Avoid people pleasers.
Avoid people pleasers.
They start doing shit they know that you didn& #39;t want and claim it& #39;s an accident. You believe it bc they normally seem to want to make you happy. But no. They were trying to get a certain response and when you don& #39;t give? You in for a bad time.
They resent you when you don& #39;t do what they want, because they didn& #39;t want to do any of the things they did to manipulate--"please" you. So now they feel like they did "a lot" for you, but you& #39;re not "rewarding" them (in a way they didn& #39;t tell you that is impossible to guess).
So now, no matter what you have done for them, it& #39;s worthless because it& #39;s not what they want. Do you know what they want? No. Because people pleasers have other issues surrounding honesty, or don& #39;t actually know what they want. They just know you& #39;re not doing it.
This means you& #39;re not "holding up your end". They& #39;re working so hard. Practically dying in the streets for you (none of which you asked for at any time, and didn& #39;t realize was a problem bc they refused to bring it up). And you& #39;re not even rewarding them, you scum.
They won& #39;t start by calling you scum tho. They& #39;ll just make you feel like that by crossing your boundaries. "Well, I& #39;m just being honest with you!" they& #39;ll say. "Honest" in a way that is exactly pushing your well-communicated boundaries but leaves plausible deniability.
You start to feel fucking insane because this person did do things for you. Did seem to like you. You did what you knew to make them happy. But everything you do is wrong and neither you nor they know how to fix it.
Please fucking run. It will never get better. That& #39;s an abuser.
Please fucking run. It will never get better. That& #39;s an abuser.
Now mind you, the things you enjoy will start to become their "buttons". Little by little, you& #39;ll be asked to not do things they know you love doing. You& #39;ll feel obligated because they have "sacrificed their very well being" to make sure YOU& #39;RE happy, in their words.
It will be painted as "normal relationship compromise" and it& #39;s actually just a way to punish you for not being a fucking mindreader and sensing their awful, shitty fucking intentions. Every mental illness they have? Everything you do triggers their worst.
This is so that the storm they& #39;ve been holding back from unleashing on you when they first realized you weren& #39;t responding the way they wanted to their manipulatio--pleasing can be released guilt-free for them.
Because they are people pleasers, they can& #39;t put themselves in a position where they feel they are a bully. So they take all of your normal or much-enjoyed actions and make them into "mental health" triggers. The next thing you do gives them the freedom to rip you a new one.
Don& #39;t think you actually have to do anything wrong to get the flood. You don& #39;t. They just have to be able to convince themselves that they were wronged. If you try to correct them, you& #39;ll get called a gaslighter. (Despite them literally lying on you to themselves.)
Some nasty comorbidities I& #39;ve seen with people pleasers:
-- Not being able to communicate their needs or wants.
-- Needing a very long time to process while also punishing you during the processing.
-- Getting froggy at you when you mention either of these.
-- Not being able to communicate their needs or wants.
-- Needing a very long time to process while also punishing you during the processing.
-- Getting froggy at you when you mention either of these.
You ever piss someone off that seemed really nice? And you tried to make it up to them, but they gave you contradictory info and thus everything you tried was wrong? And made them more angry? And finally you felt like shit so you bailed?
You got crossed by a people-pleaser.
You got crossed by a people-pleaser.
And they& #39;ll excuse contradictory info by saying "they aren& #39;t sure what they want right now" or my least favorite "well yeah I asked for that, but not to the level that you gave it!"
One ex used to insist that I keep talking to her because that made her a good friend (or something) while also getting angry at me for talking to her and "not giving her space".
You cannot win. You can only run.
You cannot win. You can only run.
That said folks: People pleasers DO have friends. Almost all of their friends, however, will be people they& #39;ve known 8+ years. They may speak of having trouble making newer friends. This is because they& #39;ve become psychotic in their people-pleasing but weren& #39;t always that bad.
People pleasers can learn to interact with certain people in a normal way. Someone who is people pleasing for you may not be so for everyone, which makes this really, really insidious.
Both my crap exes told me they knew how to set boundaries, except they JUST LIKED ME SEW MUCH!!! that they oopsed right back into their shitty people pleasing tendencies. Juuuuuust for me.
Don& #39;t fall for it.
Don& #39;t fall for it.
