Finally decided to do this thread. Been a long time coming and I have been stalling since like forever, lol. Its been 8 months now sha so, leggo. I am sharing this because most couples appear to be struggling with the distance/ lockdown right now and I feel that it might help.

Before I go on, very special S/O to @NaijaFlyingDr @ChiefOsaretin @itisiraquel @thourlarnee @DrTubo @OgbeniDipo @Eloxie and many, many other people (apologies if I missed your name) who knowingly/ unknowingly provided advice and help to me (well, us now) during that time.

Also, tagging @UCHEUGO because he has asked for this thread since. lol. This is a thread of how I met LOML, entered into an LDR and got married last year. Do I recommend this path for singles? well, yes and no. Yes because God is faithful, No because it is terrifying. lol.

Flashback to 2018. Background story: I am a member of “The Father’s men” (link: https://instagram.com/thefathersmen?igshid=u18o8o3znso). TFM is a group for only men (singles & married) to encourage each other and raise a generation of Jesus loving men. That week, it was my turn to share on our whatsapp group.

I pondered for a while and decided to share on “How Christian Singles deal with loneliness”. I did prepared my notes and shared by the grace of God. A few weeks before this time. Bae (now Mrs. O), felt led to follow TFM. She hit the follow button and moved on. Time passed.

To the glory of God, the session went well and was very impactful. The TFM admin went on to share some notes on the IG page from the session (link: https://www.instagram.com/p/BmMQPoplaHW/?igshid=oxlkkqpsdv5s). 28 likes, 3 comments later and guess what? Mrs O was one of them. She asked a Q.

TFM admin (I wasnt one at the time) felt since I shared on the topic, I should be the one to respond to the Q. So I responded and she kept coming back with more Qs. So I asked if I could DM. She said yes. Then more Qs and more conversations.

Around this time, I closed from work and started to head home. I told her I was going to be driving and would not be able to keep chatting. On second thought, the moment I hit Ikorodu road, I called her from IG. No, I didnt ask permission.

What was the worst that could happen? she would abuse me abi? I could live with that. She was initally taken aback and I explained that I wanted to continue the conversation since I would get home really late anyways, Lagos traffic and all and wouldnt be able to chat.

She decided to overlook it. Whew! So we chatted all through the traffic from Maryland via airport road to Osolo way, all the way to LASU- Igando road connecting to Ayobo. (Sharing the route so you have an idea of how much traffic and how long we were gisting). Then I got home.

All this time, I assumed she was in Nigeria cuz the page I was chatting her on wasnt a personal page. (btw, please follow her page, Modern Equally- Yoked here: https://instagram.com/modern_equallyyoked?igshid=1vree47f8op9g). Mid-chat, she mentioned it was midnight. I was confused. My watch said 10pm.

She then explained she wasnt in Nigeria and they were 2 hours ahead. I instantly began to apologize for keeping her awake. Then she goes; “My internet is exhausted and I cant buy at this time. I am going to ask my neighbor for his WiFi password and call you back, okay?” Wawooo!

I mean, she could have used that excuse (which was very valid by the way) to end the conversation, it was late, she had work the next day, she was sleepy; I can think of several others sef BUT she told me not to worry and she’d like to keep talking. Me: Okayyyyyyy.

That singular act of kindness REALLY caught my attention. I didnt know what she looked like, I was talking to her for the first via an IG audio call BUT I knew I wanted her in my space. Now, I wasnt sure if I wanted her as friend, bae or whatever but I sha knew she had to stay.

Because of the WiFi range from her neighbour, she couldn’t back indoors and had to sit in the corridor just to chat with me. We chatted for another 2 hours and I couldnt bear it anymore. (I was feeling bad that I was in the comfort of my bed and she was in a cold corridor).

So I insisted we call it a day and promised to chat her the next day. So it began. From IG DMs to whatsapp chat to voice calls to video calls. After a while, the only time we chatted was when I was at work. Once I got home? Video. I was falling for this girl oh. Haayy God.

One day, we were discussing “The challenges of entrepreneurs in Nigeria and across Africa VS their counterparts in Europe”. Mrs O had submitted an MBA thesis on this a few months before and was interested in what I had to say as an entrepreneur in Nigeria’s economic capital.

On this particular day, it was an audio call. It was in the middle of this conversation that I blurted out w/o any warning “so would you like to be my gf?”. (Like who does that? ). She paused and asked me to repeat myself. I steeled myself for whatever L’s, dragging & subs.

So I repeat myself. Then silence. She terminates the call immediately. I had never met this girl beyond IG, I didnt know anything about her beyond what she told me when I asked, she wasnt even in the country and I was asking her out?! Just

After 5 long minutes, my phone beeps. Its a whatsapp message from her: “If you are serious about this call me back on a video call and ask me again. Else, Goodnight”. I rushed to the bathroom, washed my face, changed my shirt, sat up and then hit the whatsapp video call button.

So I repeat the question with all the seriousness I can muster. She says; “Can I think about it?” I nod and the call ends. The following day, I get home from work and we are chatting like nothing happened and well, this happened .

So we become official. I cant tell anyone cuz how I do I explain that I am dating a girl who I havent well, met and not be called an idiot? My thinking was “if this goes to shit, I will cry alone and take my L quietly. The less people who know about this, the better.

S/O to @itisiraquel and her husband who supported us during this time. They had their own version of an LDR and could relate. They constantly prayed with us, shared books, articles, encouraged, checked on us every now and then. It helped especially when I felt overwhelmed.

One of the things they shared with us was a list of “276 Qs to ask before you get married”. That list alone took us nearly 3 months to finish but it gave us a ton of clarity. Mrs O and I have decided to put all those resources together here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1nGZ6NMFzxOtLHOpBFhJnQ86gKVZGsIuz