I feel like I've never been able to put this into words but yeah. This. Its hard going from being the "provider/caregiver" in all familial relationships because of my parents alcoholism to having to learn how to relate to peers and fit in ?? https://twitter.com/plantainpapii/status/1254096989211561984

I was forced to grow up super quickly so I could take responsibility for my brother & get groceries for us. My teens were just studying and working. My freshman year of college I had no clue how to exist in an environment where people wanted to help me

I got sucked into this "campus ministry" led by a man who would prey on mentally ill & LGBT kids with the promise of family. FWIW it was that for a while. I made all my friends there. But the pastor was a cult leader

He hired me very quickly and had me do basically all administrative work for 2 years for $200/month. Whenever I threatened to quit, he told me I wouldn't fit in anywhere else. He shunned those who left and used the concept of God against them

He had a massive Facebook following and if one of us stepped out of line, he would post about us there. These should've been huge red flags but I was very used to it by then. The abrasive relationship he had with me was very similar to my parental relationships

I was never wealthy, never conventionally attractive, and never very eloquent. My ego was trash because at my university, everyone seemed beautiful. It was difficult for me to learn to love and respect myself despite trauma. See myself as human rather than just provider

When I was finally able muster the courage to quit the cult this February, my friends shortly followed thereafter. But vulnerable people will always be preyed on by abusers. It's a vicious cycle. The pastor could smell someone faltering from a mile away

But I am learning, I am growing, I'm sure all the folks who have been following my Twitter for the 3 years I've been here can see that & I appreciate you guys a lot