recently i& #39;ve been dwelling in a state where i don& #39;t even know how to articulate. it is a mixture of being sad and consciously aware that there& #39;s nothing i should be sad about. of being confused, but i can bring myself to reason with why things turn up the way they are. 1/

few nights ago i feel like it was the right time for me to sob, sob so hard like a lost child. yet, nothing occurs. is it me? have i been building a wall to barricade myself so that i can be immune to crying? or was i being a creator of a problem that actually - 2/

- doesn& #39;t exist and my senses are working against it? probably i& #39;m just tired of trying to digest, of demanding answers of things that actually need more time for me to get full sense of it. 3/

i don& #39;t know. i just.. don& #39;t know. oh, there& #39;s this thought: i feel like life was so much okay when i& #39;m living my life away from doing my religious duty. i feel like the more i committed to be more of a religious person, the more problematic life actually be. 4/

at this point, i won& #39;t undo all the things i& #39;ve done just because i can& #39;t make sense of what& #39;s coming. now that it has already been said - i probably just need to think it through and get it out my system - i feel a little bit relieved. really weirdly. this thread ends here. 5/5