recently i've been dwelling in a state where i don't even know how to articulate. it is a mixture of being sad and consciously aware that there's nothing i should be sad about. of being confused, but i can bring myself to reason with why things turn up the way they are. 1/

few nights ago i feel like it was the right time for me to sob, sob so hard like a lost child. yet, nothing occurs. is it me? have i been building a wall to barricade myself so that i can be immune to crying? or was i being a creator of a problem that actually - 2/

- doesn't exist and my senses are working against it? probably i'm just tired of trying to digest, of demanding answers of things that actually need more time for me to get full sense of it. 3/

i don't know. i just.. don't know. oh, there's this thought: i feel like life was so much okay when i'm living my life away from doing my religious duty. i feel like the more i committed to be more of a religious person, the more problematic life actually be. 4/

at this point, i won't undo all the things i've done just because i can't make sense of what's coming. now that it has already been said - i probably just need to think it through and get it out my system - i feel a little bit relieved. really weirdly. this thread ends here. 5/5