I was first diagnosed with lupus in July after years of pain and it was in part because I'd been having sudden onset lung inflammation - difficulty breathing and coughing, nerve activity and stuff

While we are keeping an eye on that and getting tests and things I also started developing symptoms in my blood. My body was attacking my red blood cells. For a while I was covered in a fine mist of petechiae bruising.

This had me at an extremely elevated risk of stroke. It's a super rare thing to happen, less than 15% of lupus patients experience it but this was when they decided to essentially unplug me and plug me back in.

I was prescribed chloroquine and
so much methotrexatee on the *same fucking day as the first reported case of Covid-19 in Wuhan*

I spent a few months breaking my immune system like a macho farm hand breaks a worthy horse - with zero grace and probably long term consequences.

I like to think I handled it okay, I was sick, I lost about 15lbs and a little hair, became dangerously anemic, and got better at talking with partners about my body and it's limitations - there were a lot of things I just couldn't hide anymore.

And then. I was done. I transitioned to just chloroquine as my only lupus med. I booked an appointment for follow up blood work and was told to enjoy my damn life.

And then A pendemic. A virus that follows an eerie similar familiar symptomatic path is closing around my city like a fist, Lupus Canada is surveying people on access to my medication, I have no idea the state of my immune system and no testing can be done to tell me

I'm supposed to assume it's as bad as possible. Psychologically this is a weird zone.

And there isn't a point to this thread. I just needed a place a put this. This entire event is bigger than me, and not about me, I'm safe as one can be, I'm careful and doing my best.

But Jesus fucking Christ friends.

I need a break.