"It'll get better", people tell me. Problem is, they obviously can't tell me when it supposedly will.

By all signs it won't be in my lifetime. So what's the point of enduring the pain, burning each day at the indignity and injustice? Watching my homeland descend into ruins?

Been very open with the fact that even before 2016 my life was full of problems and pain. I somehow held on last few years but by around last autumn I knew in my own mind I couldn't keep it up. It's genuinely too painful. I can put on a facade but it lasts less and less.

It's funny that the last few years in particular people have been keen to tell me what a selfish bastard I am. Because I don't think such a person would feel the pain I do. The lies. The mass death. The public apathy.

A selfish bastard could ignore all that and thrive.

The whole mess is killing me. I can't switch off from it. It's too important and there's too little time.

And fuck me it hurts. It hurts seeing the truth of this so often and having no power to change anything or protect people.