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This thread gets really dark and depressive/ kind of suicidal,
If you aren’t in the right head space don’t read.
This thread gets really dark and depressive/ kind of suicidal,
If you aren’t in the right head space don’t read.
I won’t be upset or feel worse if no one respond to this. This thread is just for me to vent about my life and get my shit on the table to maybe actually confront it.
(Also sorry for any typos)
Sad bitch thoughts part 5,066–
I can tell my mom is easier on me because she knows I have anxiety and was/maybe still is depressed even though I don’t wanna admit it.
And I’m pretty sure my brain sorta shut down during high school
:/ (I’m ok btw I’m probably just pmsin’ )
I can tell my mom is easier on me because she knows I have anxiety and was/maybe still is depressed even though I don’t wanna admit it.
And I’m pretty sure my brain sorta shut down during high school
:/ (I’m ok btw I’m probably just pmsin’ )
Sad bitch thoughts part 5,067
I feel like my brain is a fuckin mess aka so bad I leave doors open and forget shit mid task so often it’s become a “Sammy thing”...and idk if my brain has always been this way or if maybe it’s a side effect of trauma, orrrr maybe adult adhd? —
I feel like my brain is a fuckin mess aka so bad I leave doors open and forget shit mid task so often it’s become a “Sammy thing”...and idk if my brain has always been this way or if maybe it’s a side effect of trauma, orrrr maybe adult adhd? —
— It’s just frustrating. I can hyper focus on some things but with others I can get distracted and forget about it/move on mid task. I’m getting better remembering to finish tasks but I feel so disappointed each time I realize I forgot something or left something unfinished.
I’ll have to do research and get professional help...
(idk when cus I’m saving up for school and I hate that my mom is paying for me even tho I’m fucking 19 almost 20)
(idk when cus I’m saving up for school and I hate that my mom is paying for me even tho I’m fucking 19 almost 20)
Sad bitch thoughts part 5,068
My self confidence is such an issue that my whole life I’ve heard a constant stream of people telling me to have my confidence in myself but I feel like no one has really help with how or why I should have confidence. Ok, the last part isn’t—-
My self confidence is such an issue that my whole life I’ve heard a constant stream of people telling me to have my confidence in myself but I feel like no one has really help with how or why I should have confidence. Ok, the last part isn’t—-
totally true, but I always seem to find myself in almost the same place I was before. I do acknowledge I’ve improved but the fact that making tik toks of myself where I actually have to look at myself has made me cry on mutiple occasions is sucky. Literally—
Almost anything centered around myself can make me upset- whether it’s art, singing, or just looking in the fucking mirror I have a hard time trying not to see/hear something disgusting. Some of this is caused from how unwilling I am to work on myself. Maybe I could be better at-
art if I tried harder. Maybe I could be pretty if I changed my diet and took the time to take better care of my body. Maybe I could sing better if I worked on it. I could try makeup. I should get therapy. But so much of that shit feel fuck wasted on me, and I can’t help being—
fucking tired. I’m so tired. I’m fucking exhaused. I’m tired of living sometimes. I’m tired of fucking trying to be happy and sweet and tired of trying to take care of anything or caring about anything. I’m tired trying to be everything everyone expected and wants from me. Tired-
Of trying to be the big sister or big kid or baby sitter. I’m tired of trying to be happy and optimistic for everyone else. Tired of putting more effort into others that they’ve ever egiven to me. And I’ve been disappointed so many times. i’m tired of working for something-
that might go nowhere. I’m tired of working so hard for it only to move an inch in the direction I want it to go. Or working so hard on something for someone to throw my shit and feelings in the fucking trash. i’ve been so patient for so long and I can’t fucking help that I’m-
tired of waiting for shit to get better. When it might never get better. And ok things are getting better but why is it it take me so much long to get better? What the actual fuck. Why is it that is feel like everyone running and I’m in slow motion. I hate it.
And everyone tells me “It’s ok” or “ you don’t need to be as fast as everyone else” or “don’t worry you’ll catch up” but I really really hate being slow. I hate feeling like a failer or loser all the goddamn time. I hate feeling stupid and inexperienced. I just want-
To be happy, independent, maybe in love with someone who actually likes me back. And I want to be productive and in a field of work I care about. I want to feel safe. I really want to feel safe. Is that too much to ask of my life? Because it feels like it is and sometimes I wish-
I could disappear. But I can’t I can’t do that to my family, or the few online friends I have or future maybe happy self but god I’m tired. So fucking tired. I’m luck that this quarantine is giving a break for once but I’m still so so fucking tired and scared nothing will change.
