Sharing more experiences, lessons and thoughts as a serial failure in relationships. I want to address a communication anomaly called

STONEWALL

A Thread

I'v avoided confrontations and dialogue in past relationships, I have also suffered same treatment; trust me when I say Stonewalling is one of the worse treatments to receive from a boo

Forgive me brethren because I am about to shake this table alot of us are standing on...

Stonewalling is simply refusing to communicate, show emotions or acknowledge a person & the obvious conflict between you two.

While stonewall is a coping mechanism for some, it's a weapon in the arsenal of demons

Women need to understand that men have intense emotions too and

what's worse is that men have the tendency to convert many different unpleasant emotions into anger probably because we are not so good at handling strong emotions. Stonewalling is usually the easiest way to avoid escalation and a fight.
We know most women will flaw a man in a

war of words which will only worsen the situation with the man's emotions he doesn't like handling and secondly we probably don't want to say what we will end up regretting. This is not to say women don't Stonewall too but brethren we know the gender that dominates this

table that's why I am addressing it from this perspective.

I always advice people to never stonewall, at the most postpone discussions if emotions are running too high to have a sensible conversation, but please remember to have that conversation ASAP.

Now to those who stonewall deliberately to have power over their partners and to manipulate them
THIS RIGHT HERE IS PURE WITCHCRAFT!!!
This witchcraft inflicts pain, anger, distress, feeling of abandonment, frustration, self-esteem issues, fear, anxiety and eventually resentment

This kind of Stonewalling is a form of Abuse and emotional blackmail. Shine your eyes so you can tell when a stonewall is done to take power away from you who wants to communicate, isolate you and stop you from addressing an issue.
Some people know they have done wrong but in

order to avoid owning up, they stonewall and even go further to use it as blackmail, so that out of desperation of the other party (who is usually more in love or deeply committed to the relationship) to fix things or get out of the bad state of being stonewalled, they decide to

drop whatever conflict or issues that needs to be sorted. Once the stonewaller successfully evades owning up to a wrong by Stonewalling it becomes the default strategy and that is how some toxic relationships are born.

From my experience as a stonewaller and a stonewallee...

I can offer a few tips to help deal with stonewalls

1. Find out your prospect's or partner's "normal" ways of handling conflicts, if Stonewalling is ones of them you need to have a conversation. Try to understand if it's a coping mechanism or a weapon (read between the lines)

2. Avoid raising your voice, name calling, insults or verbal attacks when you have a conflict with your partner. This has nothing to do with gender, age difference or financial status of partner, respect should be mutual. You may be right & making sense until you raise your voice

Keeping your volume under control is one of the hardest things to do in a conflict with a boo but it is doable. Raising your voice may just trigger a stonewall and once that happens, things typical go south from there on.

3. Never force a conversation when being stonewalled especially if it's the witchcraft kind, you won't win, the frustration you show is proof the Stonewall is having effect and yielding the result the stonewaller seeks, which only encourages them to worsen the torture.

4. The best time to destroy a stonewall is before it is built
You need to have a conversation with your partner about stonewalls and agree never to use them
If your partner ever needs a moment to cool off during an arguement, agree on ways (verbal and cues) to communicate this.

5. Endeavour to keep the agreement to never stonewall because sometimes stonewalls are convenient but never serve the long-term interest of the relationship or does the partner any good

6. If your partner refuses to quit Stonewalling even after talking and trying to fix this particular issue, understand that you are in for a rough ride & I may not be able to advice on the next course of action. I can only pray for you , after I pray for myself

Udo naha Jesus

7. Never use abusive words or insults to get back at a stonewall or force some kind of reaction. It will only compound the problem.

I don't know how else to say this...

It is tempting at this point to go for low blows but resist the temptation

8. Appreciate efforts made by a stonewaller to bring down those walls. For alot of people a stonewall is a safe place, to willingly breakdown their perceived defence is commendable.

9. Never attack after a stonewall comes down or make mockery of the Stonewallers willingness to finally face a issue, it is evil. The goal is to resolve an issue not to get even or "win" against a partner. Have that conversation even if you have lost interest

If you are ever in doubt, remember you can never go wrong with healthy, polite dialogue

TRY IT

#SundayThoughts #LockdownThoughts