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My mom tried to make it normal that she's "living through me". She chose a life next to someone that treats her like a piece of cloth over her own daughter, made herself miserable and it's somehow my fault. She doesn't have any ambition or self respect. I can't deal with it. https://twitter.com/morgannichelle_/status/1252930504074067969
All I really wanted from my mom was for her to be happy, stand up for herself. She denies having been abused and said the reason she never got hit by my dad is because she didn't talk back (like I did). She believes she's useless and that she can't do anything on her own.
I've tried to save my mom many times.But when she started to excuse my dad's behavior and force me to be forgiving and tell me to shut up about it,I couldn't do it anymore. She always lied it'd get better,but the more independent I got, the more emotionally abusive my parents got
I started to feel like a cozy retirement plan for them and as an image improvement. Not to mention that they always reminded me what a burden I was for being born by saying "you could never repay what we gave you, it'd take 10 different lives".
Hence, I was only helped because I'm considered a transaction. They are kind because God told them they will receive tenfold. They're not kind because they are kind, but because with every little deed, they expected you to be at their beck and call anytime they want you to.
Me to mom: you guys always feel like I'm trying to destroy you just by expressing an opinion. You only want an obedient sheep to never question anything.
Mom: I never told you to kiss our feet.
Mom: I never told you to kiss our feet.
How conversations with dad went
Dad:you better learn how to cook well,otherwise you'll be smacked by your husband
Me:gets obviously distressed.
Dad: oh don't take everything I say seriously. It was a joke
Me: That's not a joke but ok
Dad: you're about to get it one of these days
Dad:you better learn how to cook well,otherwise you'll be smacked by your husband
Me:gets obviously distressed.
Dad: oh don't take everything I say seriously. It was a joke
Me: That's not a joke but ok
Dad: you're about to get it one of these days
Thanks dad for teaching me how to stay away from awful people. I know the patterns so well now, I try to only allow decent people in my life.
Did this spiral out into a different direction? Probably, because my mind is a mess.
