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hi y'all lmao this is gonna be a storytime of how i pretty much fell in love with my best friend hahaha -- a thread
sooooo i knew this guy back in 2014 and we were classmates, he was new and i have been studying in this school for most of my life lmao. he's the guy that spent most of his time drawing up random comics with another guy and showing them to me since i sat behind both of them
after the school year he left and i just continued high school with the other people in my batch... kinda missed him ngl i'd always see posts and pics of him on the tl without fail for some weird reason haha
he grew to have a love for military war vehicles like tanks hahaha and he still continued to draw. how do i know these things, you may ask. well, one year after he left, he sent me a picture of him with a tank in the background and then we started talking again, catching up...
we got much closer over text that we did in real life lmao, probably because he wasn't as closed off as he was back then. he was... really fun to get to know over text.
a few years later, i scrolled up to when we first talked and found the first drawing he sent me of a girl with braids, then sent it back to him. he said he remembered drawing that and sending it to me. a few minutes after that he sent me a picture of another drawing of the same +
girl, but it looked more detailed and he said "same girl, but i drew it again since you reminded me about that old drawing haha" and then he went on and said "she kinda looks like you now that i think about it..." i just laughed it off because there's no way lmao my hair is short
third year since he left the school and i really badly wanted to meet up with him bc i missed him (idiot pix you're so weak) it was near the end of the school year so i decided to text him once i got home and since he's been home schooled for the past few years he'd always +
answer my texts immediately since he was always on his phone or just drawing. once i got home, though, i got a text from him first instead and he said "call once you see this i have a surprise for you"
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING I WAS SCREAMING LMAOOAOOAOOAOA bitch calm down he's not proposing
anyways i started ringing his phone and then he answered and then i really started with "i called for the surprise and if it's not food i'm hanging up" ofc i was kidding but i was really hungry at that moment ngl my love for food>>>>any man except namjoon and anyone else from bts
he kind of stalled and asked how i was doing in school and ofc i told him how much i hated it and i was glad the school year was almost over haha yeah my school definitely sucks. i asked him how homeschool was and he said he was almost done as well. he then remembered what the +
surprise he was gonna tell me was and then he said it out of the blue "i'm coming back to your school in a few months" AND THEN HE HUNG UP WHATJEHRWQJKHRWQKJ
IM BACK SJDHSAJHDJ SORRY HAD TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING
so anyways lmao he ignored all my texts until the next day (omg i rly spammed him i'm such an idiot) and then like late afternoon the next day he called to clear everything up. i was more chill about it since i already let out all my feelings about the sudden news +
into keyboard smashes in his texts (yes i really did that no shame) and then yeah we were both excited about him coming back hahaha i told him i'd be able to help him with whatever he needs throughout the school year be it homeworks, studies, projects, etc.
yeah haha i helped him with a lot of stuff... at the start of the school year i saw him sitting at the corner of the classroom drawing, but i decided to keep my distance for a bit since i knew he was an introvert and just chose to let him approach me if he needs to
we talked a few times and he needed to get used to being around people again because i knew how closed off he was and i just let him open up when he felt comfortable about it. i helped him with a bunch of things throughout the school year haha
things like reporting, programming, coding (lmao yes i was a big nerd for computers and software) and every time i helped he'd always say "thanks for helping, i really owe you ever since before the school year even started"
he wasn't exactly what people would envision as "cute" or "handsome," but he was really quite the opposite. no girls liked him and those he was friends with were interested in his talent in drawing...
in my eyes, though, he was... a lot of things. he was the nicest guy i've ever met aside from my dad and my brother. he treated me like a person unlike any other guy in my life for the past 11 years i studied in that school. he was an absolute gentleman.
i was bullied for most of the years in my school for liking guys that were out of my league and avoided me because i'm not pretty or cute or attractive in any way. in all honesty, he's the only one aside from my dad and my brother that made me feel like a woman.
he showed me respect... something no other guy i've met gave me for the duration i studied there. my past crushes were mostly on people that had looks and all but he was just... sigh. we were involved in a lot of school things together, too.
our classmates teased us for looking like a couple too many times and saying like "you two look cute together" in the middle of me and him talking and every time that happens i'd instantly take a step away and he'd do the same and he'd say "so pixie, how's the weather today"
to be honest, we were kind of the same because back then i was avoided by my classmates and then once he came back, i had someone that made me feel like i wasn't alone. i was... happy.
one night when i was away from school one day with my parents i remembered i had to rehearse for a number in front of my family soon. i had a song in mind but i didn't have the chords. i asked him to send search up the chords and send them to me and i got them within minutes.
i really trusted him a lot. he was definitely someone worth trusting. a few days later when i was back in school i found him playing his guitar alone on a bench. i sat beside him and just thanked him for sending me the chords right when i needed them.
he smiled and then started playing again and then i heard the familiar tune...
"you didn't!"
"i did."
"how did you learn the chords that quickly?!"
he just laughed
"if you're really thankful... sing."
"you didn't!"
"i did."
"how did you learn the chords that quickly?!"
he just laughed
"if you're really thankful... sing."
this is the song we sang since i'm too lazy to write out the lyrics sjhdsaj https://open.spotify.com/track/03VNgdCL9t8aPyvwZecglI?si=WTHHGFtTT2Gxo057YycmdQ
i mentioned earlier that he was a really trustworthy person, and he really is. i told him so many things about what's going on in my life. he even told me things about him that were kind of personal too.
// trigger warning //
scroll through to the next [// //] if you're not okay with topics like self-harm and suicide.
scroll through to the next [// //] if you're not okay with topics like self-harm and suicide.
for a while, i went through depression in the same year. i had definite, clear images in my mind that i was useless, that no one would even notice if i disappeared and was out of their lives forever. i felt as if my existence didn't really matter...
i started slitting my arms one night... wanting to feel pain course through my veins... 4 noticeable but small cuts on my forearm were just what i needed for the time being.
i started wearing long sleeved sweaters since that day for a whole month, and i wasn't even surprised no one noticed. during recess and lunch i'd always head to the fire exit of the school and go up the stairs to the fourth floor.
no one could find me there. it was... peaceful. i looked down a number of times contemplating whether i should jump or not, to be honest... but every time, i just stayed there... and enjoyed the silence.
wasn't long until he eventually found me one of those times i sneaked off lmao
i was just staring off into the distance looking at the buildings and he sat beside me, also letting his legs dangle off the edge like me. i put my hood on because it made me feel safe...
"you wanna tell me why you're up here?"
"..."
"it's actually kinda nice..."
"..."
"if you look at those buildings over there... kinda reminds you of that game... geometry dash... *starts humming the theme song*"
"..."
"it's actually kinda nice..."
"..."
"if you look at those buildings over there... kinda reminds you of that game... geometry dash... *starts humming the theme song*"
even at a time like that, he could still make me laugh. wow, i really am weak.
he smiled because he made me laugh though... but he knew i wasn't okay.
"can you tell me what's going on?"
"i... don't know..."
"you can tell me anything... i tell you things, too"
"you know that... feeling when... no matter what you do you keep on feeling like you're a disappointment to anyone and everyone?"
"i... don't know..."
"you can tell me anything... i tell you things, too"
"you know that... feeling when... no matter what you do you keep on feeling like you're a disappointment to anyone and everyone?"
"i told you that i've felt like that back then... i can help you"
"i'm just... not okay..."
"you've been wearing a hoodie for most of the quarter... i assumed something was wrong..."
"because i don't feel like i'll be okay again"
"i'm just... not okay..."
"you've been wearing a hoodie for most of the quarter... i assumed something was wrong..."
"because i don't feel like i'll be okay again"
"...did it hurt?"
i was kinda confused too ngl
"did what hurt?"
"...when you fell from heaven?" (LMAO I WISH)
"i haven't seen your left forearm in a month... so i assumed..."
"oh..."
i was kinda confused too ngl
"did what hurt?"
"...when you fell from heaven?" (LMAO I WISH)
"i haven't seen your left forearm in a month... so i assumed..."
"oh..."
i raised my left arm to him, gesturing him to take a look, and he rolled up my sleeve... i didn't wanna look at his face. he'd just be disappointed.
"why didn't you tell me?"
"i could've helped you"
"you don't have to do this"
"this won't solve your problems"
"i could've helped you"
"you don't have to do this"
"this won't solve your problems"
i started crying at this point
i kept on saying super cliche stuff to him, so in summary, i told him everything, and to be honest, he made me feel safer than my hoodie did.
we've been through a lot of stuff together lmao. we've cried over the phone together, he's told me something that only his mom knows aside from me, and he made me really... happy.
// end of trigger warning //
wish that happiness lasted longer though lmao
second semester of the school year and i saw him hanging out more with the other girls in my class... i thought he was just being nice like he was to me
i always rooted for him not matter what, always gave him support whether it was writing songs, drawing, or just singing for fun...
until he started singing with someone else...
hahahahahaha i was so dumb lmao
to think that he made me feel special (ONCE OOMFS I SEE YOU READING THIS IT IS NOT PUN INTENDED I SWEAR)
the girl actually asked to collab with him in front of me... ayt i see how it is
was i jealous? yes.
a transfer student came and joined our batch in the middle of the school year... first impression: he was definitely cute.
i needed a distraction lmao
this transfer guy was the distraction i kinda needed... he actually thought i was a "shy cute nerd" (his words, not mine i completely disagree with everything he said except nerd) when i was actually a really loud, crazy, quiet-when-i-wanna-be, nerd. so.
if my best friend saw who i really was, i wouldn't mind being someone else to this new guy. so, naturally, i continued the shy nerd act. it was kinda fun pretending to be someone else ngl.
i'll continue tomorrow that's all for now jhsjj
IM AWAKE SJHDASJD
so the new guy was like horrible at math smh what are u good for your looks? that ain't getting u into college no offense. well just my luck my math teacher asked me to tutor him ngl it was the best part of my day for the next few weeks
he was like... his body was... super well structured i thought he was a dancer but nOOO he's a basketball player ugh of course lmao i wasn't even surprised
his grades went up ( :O ) lmao yes thank me, the girl pretending to be the nerd.
my act didn't last for very long though, and tbh it was getting kinda boring, and anyways i got exposed for it too... the girls in my class showed him a vid of me dancing to gashina by sunmi lmao
but the thing is when he saw the video i was just sitting in the corner of the classroom answering another math problem set (yes i can't believe i was still doing this something was wrong with me back then) and he went over to me and complimented my dance
i wasn't really comfortable with the fact that he saw the video but i liked knowing he liked it but then he went "so... you wanna teach me those dance moves?"
ngl i really wanted to (HIS BODY STRUCTURE WAS PERFECT FOR A DANCER HOW COULD I NOT) but i ended up not doing it tho bc he said he was joking lmao i had hope
but anyways
lmao best friend wasn't bothered like at all... why would he be though lmao i was just assuming that he'd be kinda jealous but he actually didn't really care... yeah i expected that from the beginning but it still kinda hurt that he was just doing his thing and i was the only +
one hurting. didn't do anything about it though... i wanted him to be happy even though i wasn't the one that made him happy
sigh
i just let myself get hurt... he was hanging out with the others more... making fun of me more as well... just like everyone else...
i miss him.
i miss the old him.
i miss him.
i miss the old him.
why'd i have to fall in love with him? why didn't i just have a thing for the transfer guy you may ask--well, it's because he was just like everyone else.
just watched him smiling from a distance with others... we didn't text in a while either.
i thought that i had to put an end to my hurting somehow. if i just told him i liked him then i'd get it over with.
i had to do it on a cliche day too lmao. valentines day. the same day as prom wow my life really is sad
so prom sucked. the only supportive people there were 2 of my friends, one being my childhood friend who said i looked pretty (it's the makeup i look hideous irl) and my classmate who i told about confessing to the guy that day
aside from them i really would have rather stayed at home eating ice cream and drowning myself in food than being at prom suffering over a man (should've stayed home ngl)
soooo i asked my friend to tell him to go to the balcony after the event was over and tbh i went there like an hour early bc i couldn't bear seeing love anymore. i just waited, looking off into the distance and trying to breathe. this thread just made me realize how weak i am.
should i type out the convo what do y'all want?
