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That& #39;s one of the most disturbing revelations that has come with my queerness and being able to see (from the outside) what men are really are about as they engage other people. Men are socialized to be predatory. Cishet men especially but others are not excluded.
Something that always comes to mind from my freshman year of undergrad was when I asked, on social media, why men feel like they have to convince women to have sex with them. And men acted like I was stupid. None of them answered the question though.
I knew something was up then but I was still too deep in my own shame around sex to see it (also I didnt have the language yet). Once I was radicalized I realized that something was DEFINITELY up. The more I read l, the more suspicious I became.
I remember my father getting sassy with me about being sexually active (at like age 23). I was actively reading literature that was affirming me in my own body/choices/ autonomy and his whole perspective was that my future husbands ego would be hurt about my sexual choices.
I asked him how women thereby felt about mens sexual choices and was that ego bruising as well and he backtracked like a MF. It was then, that I knew something was up.
I had a (former) male friend tell me that I was not marriage material after I expressed my plans for my
I had a (former) male friend tell me that I was not marriage material after I expressed my plans for my
Own life and my own body in the future. He told me that I was "selfish" for not wanting to procreate (which is not an uncommon experience for women). I knew something was up then. My feelings were hurt at the time but that always sat with me weird.
I dated a guy who always felt the need to compete with me. When I talked about getting my PhD he always got really insecure and combative. It took me a while to realize that he always wanted to have a leg up on me, he didnt want us on the same playing field.
My whole life men have told me that they could never date a woman my height (I& #39;m 6& #39;2) or one as intelligent as me (
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Face with rolling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Face with rolling eyes">) because they wanted to feel "like the man" and they wanted to be the "protector"...it took me a while to decide how predatory that statement is.
I& #39;ve seen it expressed so many ways from men that they dont want partners who are their (sexual, intellectual, physical, etc) equal. And that& #39;s wild to me. They want/need that power imbalance. Or they are socialized to desire such. Not to mention the desire for child-like women
The study that showed that no matter what age, on dating sites men desired/pursued women who were ages 18-24...I was so disturbed lol. I didnt hit the beginning of my adulthood stride until 24/25 which aligns with the brain still developing up until age 25...https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Face with rolling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Face with rolling eyes">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Face with rolling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Face with rolling eyes">
And then I made the wonderful mistake of reading Adrienne Rich& #39;s essay on Comphet...chile. that brought it all together (even though it seems off topic). The essay puts into perspective how much violence is used in the normalizing and enforcement of heterosexuality...chile.
That put into perspective for me how much men use violence to establish their places in the world. How they couldnt operate if everyone was on a level playing field. Then i started looking at hetero marriage and the uneven distribution of labor.
How not only are women socialized to work and take care of homes/the domestic realm... but also how often men act helpless and stupid so they dont have to help...because not only are they purposefully not trained to do so but also THEY DONT WANT TO.
The fact that hetero married men are happier and live longer and hetero married women are less happy and live shorter lives statistically...means that men are literally out here sucking the life out of women. That& #39;s WILD.