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WARNING: a whole lot of feelings in this thread.
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I just wanted to express my feelings. It makes me feel really pathetic and immature to say this, but I was broken when I didn’t see myself in the video. Not disappointed in them for not picking me,—
I just wanted to express my feelings. It makes me feel really pathetic and immature to say this, but I was broken when I didn’t see myself in the video. Not disappointed in them for not picking me,—
I was disappointed in myself for not doing better. This alone did not make me break. I’ve been feeling a lot of stress and pressure lately with college. I’ve realized that I hate my major and I’ve made the really difficult decision to change it,—
But I can’t even decide what I want to change it to because what if I hate it too?Also there’s the pressure of quarantine and my parents. I thought “I should’ve done better. Wow, Mehak you really aren’t good at anything” It was almost like I felt I wasn’t good at enough, useless
I really look up to ateez especially in terms of dance. Dancing is something I use as an outlet for my frustrations. And I remember a time when ateez reminded me why I dance and why I love it, when I had lost my way a bit
I worked really hard to post that cover. And I guess everything just broke at once when I didn’t see myself. I started questioning if I didn’t dance well enough. Or what if I did?
Coming from an asian household, I’m constantly reprimanded about my looks/weight. And what if I wasn’t chosen because of maybe my looks, figure, popularity? And just my self esteem tanked and I came to the conclusion that I’m not good at anything. I know it’s very dramatic https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😅" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">.
I’m not validating the reason behind why I was broken, just venting and explaining my thought process. Just i don’t know, my brain thought that was the way to go. I thought about it more. And I’m hating myself a little less and less.
Thank you to all the moots who commented positive things or messaged me. Just know that even though I might not have responded or shown it well, I REALLY REALLY appreciate and love you. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💞" title="Revolving hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Revolving hearts">You helped me, even if it was just by a little, you did.
Regardless of the reason, I promised myself as a personal goal that I will do better next time, if given the opportunity. I will do my VERY BEST. Not for them. But for myself. Loving myself isn’t easy, but I’m trying every day. Little my little. I’m trying.
If you made it to the end of this thread, lemme just say ILYSM. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Purple heart" aria-label="Emoji: Purple heart">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Purple heart" aria-label="Emoji: Purple heart">
Please moots, I wanna be there for you too when you are down. So please never hesitate to message me.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">
Please moots, I wanna be there for you too when you are down. So please never hesitate to message me.
Also: this quote is for myself and anyone else who needs to see it: https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">
“I have many faults and I have many more fears, but I’m going to embrace myself as hard as I can and I’m starting to love myself, gradually, just little by little. “ -Kim Namjoonhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Purple heart" aria-label="Emoji: Purple heart">
“I have many faults and I have many more fears, but I’m going to embrace myself as hard as I can and I’m starting to love myself, gradually, just little by little. “ -Kim Namjoon
