I feel like causing havoc: 1 like = 1 (chaotic) fact about Eu

I essentially grew up in a hospital. My mother was a healthcare worker there and Id often visit her and wander around when she was busy and, Reader, the things I saw

Why they let a frickin child walk around unattended long enough for her to find the morgue eludes me

Like a month ago while I was out travelling I broke into some French churches and did *not* adhere to the Do Not Touch signs on some things on display

I flirt with everybody (*everybody*) and it gets me into trouble but I also get away with so much shit I shouldnt get away with

Uhh I broke a dudes heart so badly he went back to his home country and then within a year he’d gotten a girl pregnant and he has 2 kids at 19 now @ Jordan if youre reading this, your daughters arent that cute stop posting their pics on IG pls

When I went to Latin America for a school trip, I was swimming in a mountain river when a *fucking fish fell out of the sky* and bitch slapped me on the face

I blacked out for a sec and woke up to everyone going “Are u ok? The locals are thanking u for their dinner ...”

When I was a child, I snuck out of my *heavily guarded* private academy frequently and didnt even realize it was a big deal until I almost got the head of security fired bc Id slipped past them to go to the main courtyard to eat some chocolates lmao

(Im giving up on the mochi pics)

I had a childhood friend I lost contact w but then she messaged me again and her pfp was *Adolf Hitler.* She became a Nazi and spent 2 hours lecturing me about how the Holocaust wasnt real they just gave the Jews showers

*Blocked + reported*

A girl asked me to spill the tea on her thotty older brother so I did in *excrutiating detail*

They are no longer on speaking terms I lowkey severed their relationship

Lmao one time I was in a public bathroom and something dropped right in front of me from the other stall over—

It was a used bloody pad The person who threw it over to me was gone by the time I registered wtf was happening

I was an ESL volunteer for a few summers and every year without fail one of the students would fall in love with me

One time a guy wrote me a goodbye confession letter, I rejected him, and then he sent me a response email all “I hate u Im never coming back to Canada” bruh

Everyday for 3 years I kept a Microsoft Word doc and wrote about my day/thoughts. You cant even call it a humble diary because everyday I wrote like *30 pages* and the document was almost 3000 pages long by the time I quit in high school

Im a fast typer bc of this (Avg 108 WPM)

I can pretty much predict the ending/grand reveal in most movies and storylines

I realized this when I solved all of Sherlock S4 and my best friend just gawked at me all “what the GENUINE fuck howd you do that” and I just shrugged and went “‘s obvious”

I have 5 dogs. Yes: 5 dogs

The most Ive had under one house was 11 but that situation only lasted a few weeks

Ever since university started I never study for exams anymore but Im still in the Honors English program, have a 4.0 GPA, and am almost always top of my class

Im also always late, lounge back in my chair, and never put my hand up to answer bc Im an egotistical bitch

There have been .. several .. murders .. in my .. extended .. family ..

I first started talking when I was 8 months old.

By 1 year old, I could sing a 10 minute song my Mom played on the radio by heart

Between 1-3 yrs old I was able to write, read, run/walk, sing, and terrorize the neighborhood pets (yikes)

Oh I learned Latin for the fuck of it but my teacher was a racist bitch. One particularly bad week my grades slipped and she lectured me abt how I need to work harder.

So I did. I got 108% on her final. Suck my dick, shitbrain

Apparently I have a “kind, trustworthy face.” Within minutes of meeting some ppl theyve told me their deepest darkest secrets () and when I go um you dont even know me they just sigh and go “Yeah but I just feel like I can trust you” so I think I have compulsion powers or summ

My friend and I composed a 10 page manifesto in senior year pleading for my school to fire our chaplain bc he was a horrible person.

We didnt win the case *but* 2 years after I graduated we found out that guy got fired for feeling up a student so Good riddance

In 1 day a yr ago I:
-Wrote a 17 page grad school level paper on Shakespeare
-Tripped, got injured, walked through campus bleeding
-Fainted frm blood loss, woke up in the clinic bandaged + cleaned
-Flirted w my nurse
-Got sushi after (fainted again)
-Took a shitton of painkillers

The longest Ive gone without sleep is about 36 hours and by the end of it I called my bio teacher an asshole bc he wasnt at his wifes bedside when she gave birth and he was gonna defend himself but he saw me glaring w the rage of 1000 feminist fires, gulped, and said “Yeah fair.”

Ive had nightmares every night for the past 2 years and I know how a lot of scary scenarios in my life would feel, taste, sound, look, and smell like

When I was a kid I let a whole colony of fire ants crawl onto me and when they inevitably bit down on my skin I *screamed* so loudly that my grandmother fell out of her chair from the family estate really far away

During one of my driving lessons, my instructor took out a *flip phone,* showed me pics of his cat, and then proceeded to call a deli to order his favorite sandwich before I swerved the car in a panic and almost killed us

Im 20 and still have no license

I make a lot of puns and sex jokes in as much of my schoolwork as possible bc I *know* I’ll get a good mark so I might as well implement a quote from the book that says something like “that pussy bomb tho” (Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, Act V Scene 1) bc if I die, I die

One time my Dad got a raise at work and to celebrate he bought *200 pieces of shrimp.* I found them on the dinner table, *ate it all,* and proceeded to have a crazy laughing fit for the next few hours my aunt was *horrified*

One of my cousins had an aquarium and I guess as a kid I was a serial killer bc I scooped up one of the fish, *cut it up with scissors* to see how its guts would spill out, then did a quick funeral ceremony for it as my cousin found me + bloody hands in the bathroom and SCREAMED

On the topic of fish, my grandpa was in the navy and was given 20 authentic Japanese koi fish for his work (these mfers were my grandpa had a pond/grotto made for them). 3 year old me overfed them, they all died, and my grandpa wasnt even mad bc I was just a litol babey

For one of my uni assignments I had to write an initial reflection about my thoughts on Henry V so I wrote about 500+ words on how I hate this play so goddamn much but imagining Henry V as a hot prince warrior is getting me through Acts 2-5, Professor Hinnie. She loved it.

My cat and I stole the wifi at a closed Mr Lube station and used it to watch Bungou Stray Dogs and other anime by sunset last summer

Speaking of my cat and last summer I also got him to piss in the bushes in my neighborhood bc I convinced him my house bathroom was “broken” and there was nowhere in my place to pee lmao

^One time I was also in line at a store with him to buy clothes when I picked up a water bottle at the till and, at a volume so everyone in line could hear including an undoubtedly 4 year old child behind me, said, "Could you shove this up your ass?"

And yet another example of me being a public nuisance: One time my uni health department was handing out free diva cups so I turned to my friend and said “What size pussy you wear?” out loud

Throughout all of high school I would drink between 1-6 cups of coffee a day. It was always 6+/day during exams season and Id have to purge out the caffeine for 2 weeks before I could stop fully body shaking

It is not uncommon for me to get high marks on essays I write about books/readings I have never read

I have no self preservation skills. One time a stranger randomly wandered INTO MY APARTMENT WHILE I WAS SLEEPING and I woke up to them just staring at me and my first instinct was to go “Hey. Youre not gonna kill me are you?” (She was just lost lmaoooooo)

I have charmed my way out of assignment deadlines, paying full price for my orders, being a public hazard, getting into trouble at school, making people cry, disrespecting authority, doing housework, and like 75% of what Ive always been supposed to do I just dont wanna do it