Quarantine is making ppl regress into all kinds of shit, & me too ofc. I sometimes get a wave of sadness tho cos j bc I know I "can do" (know how to, have often done) isolation dont mean its good for me. Took me long to remember how to get out of it; now it's like I never left it

Don't have a crush to dissociate into or project upon, just a child who is the love of my life & relentlessly in the present & asking me to account for every move while also learning how to observe & stay silent. I don't want her to do that, so I try stay with her, "in the room."

Some nights I'm too tired for a movie or any kind of sociality, stories, books, anything that asks or answers questions even tho I only talk to a 3 y/o all day. Like when I worked as a cook & cleaner i wondered why I felt so brain-dead each night when I only used my hands to work