I’ll do this, instead: provide all the different scathing comments I can conjure about retweeting this boring milquetoast thing! https://twitter.com/jg_writer/status/1253705650011541507

*laughs in tweed*

Literally everything I hate about the 21st century. All in one thread!

My idea of a good time involves craft beer at a local pub, hiking Machu Pichu, replying “gorgeous” on a selfie posted by a woman, and tranfusing my blood with plain oatmeal

I do my best to be a real ally

I can smell the Head and Shoulders of this thread

“I think I’ll grow some sideburns”

Time to wear a hat and dabble in steampunk

*breaks out Cards Against Humanity at a party

‘I think I’ll button the top button of my Muji shirt’

‘I’m taking a welding class. Yeah. It’s amazeballs.’

People who haven’t see their own metaphorical balls because they breathe fear-air

‘Don’t ask me. I voted for Warren.’

People whose mouth Captain Crunch actually tore up, right here.

It’s a sign up sheet for people who make theirs half-caff